All Things Marriage with Dr. Chavonne

We live in a culture that would have us wear self-sacrifice like a badge of honor. When we speak highly of others, it is usually touting how giving they are, how much they do for others, how they seem to accomplish so much. Rarely do we hear accolades for how well a person took care of themselves, how they set healthy boundaries, how they prioritized their needs and goals. Yet it is the latter tha...

As human beings, we are naturally curious and our mind will always want to ask the questions why. You can ask the question why in a way that empowers you or disempowers you. In this podcast episode I am breaking down why it's so important to ask WHY, and sharing with you a process to help you use this question to motivate you to actually create what you want. This is a powerful tool to shift your...

When you experience challenges in your life or marriage it can be easy to become hyper-focused on what's going wrong. Your brain will naturally want to ruminate on how bad things are, how disappointed you are feeling, and how unhappy your situation is making you. However, the more you focus on what's going wrong, the more things go wrong. That's because your thoughts and beliefs direct your action...

One of the most important skills to develop toward the path of greater fulfillment in life is to be able to honor yourself. Honoring yourself is a beautiful act of self love. It's you standing for you. However, many people have the wrong idea of what this actually looks like. In this episode of the podcast, I break down the 3 mistakes I see happen, that create unnecessary conflict and disconnectio...

As human beings we are wired to judge. The idea of judgment helps us determine what is right and true for ourselves. It helps us discriminate and decide upon values, courses of action, and preferences. Inherently, it's not a bad thing. But in marriage, judgment often shows up as making yourself right and the other person wrong. This leads to communication issues, disconnection and conflict. In thi...

Emotions can be a BIG deal in your marriage. Feeling angry, frustrated, sad or disappointed greatly influences the way you show up and interact with your spouse. Many times, my clients experience such intense emotions that it's hard to get out of them and take the loving actions that will created connection and forward progress. In this episode of the podcast, we dive into the experience of being...

One of the most common questions I get asked is "what do you do when your spouse doesn't see the problems in your marriage?" Today I'm answering that question in detail with exactly what will help you move forward to have a better experience in your marriage. Inside this episode you will understand WHY your spouse may have a blind spot, and how you can think about it in a way that leads to less fr...

Do you and your spouse take a long time to recover from certain arguments? In this podcast episode I'm diving into the topic of prolonged arguments - those times where one or both of you stay upset and in a state of conflict longer than you'd like. There are 5 main reasons this happens and it's important you understand exactly WHAT is contributing to this dynamic in your own marriage. I also share...

If you find yourself having conversations with your spouse that leave you feeling frustrated, unheard, and misunderstood, this podcast episode will shed important light on what's been going on. I'm diving into the most common examples of communication breakdowns I see in my coaching practice. Understanding EXACTLY where things veer off course will give your the necessary information to actually co...

In marriage, there will be things that trigger you. Your spouse will say or do something, and you have an intense emotional reaction. Reacting to triggers immediately can lead to arguments and conflict that spirals out of control. When most people are triggered, their mind focused on all the things the OTHER person is doing wrong. But in this episode of the podcast, I'm sharing with you the benefi...

How do you deal with things when it's not what you want? From the small things like a wrong or delayed order, to bigger things like major disappointments in your marriage - the way you decide to handle situations matters. In this episode of the podcast, I'm sharing both simple reminders and choice points you always have when things are not unfolding the way you would like. This episode will help y...

Being busy is one of the most common distractions we use to keep us from truly connecting with ourselves. We pack our days with too many things that are not important, stress us out, or cause us to stretch ourselves too thin. One of the major reasons couples struggle in their relationship is a function of how much overwhelm they experience - often at their own hands. There is a psychology behind b...

If you'd like to solve some of your conflict for good, it's important that your get to the underlying core issues - these are the deeper needs, desires, values and expectations that drive you both, Couples are in conflict because they are being driven by opposing core issues. When you understand this, and are clear about your specific underlying issues, the way you handle arguments, and disappoint...

How often do you practice gratitude? It's the one thing that will give you the perspective you need in order to feel better, solve your issues at a higher level, and move yourself forward in a more positive direction. In this episode of the podcast, I"m diving deep into the process of gratitude and how you can use it as a power tool in your life. Whether you're feeling blah, struggle with issues i...

If you want your marriage to improve, it requires an identity shift. Usually in both of you. You have to go from a couple in conflict, to a couple that sees themselves as a united team. In this episode of the podcast, I'm diving in to identity shifts. This episode airs on my actual birthday and I was reflecting on my identity this time last year, versus where I am this year. WOW. What a difference...

How often are you thinking about and moving in the direction of what you want?  Thinking about what you want is one of the most valuable uses of your time. When you focus on what you want, you give yourself the opportunity to create it. Your brain becomes more oriented to how it's possible vs. how it's not. In this podcast episode, we are diving into the 5 steps that help you tap into the goals an...

Where were things in your marriage this time last year? Are they better, the same, or worse now? So many couples find themselves stuck dealing with the same thoughts, feelings and issues. In this episode of the podcast I talk through 4 questions you want to ask yourself to uncover and deeply understand why you are where you are. This is a deep and profound conversation to have with yourself, and a...

Pettiness in marriage. Even as adults, we can go there sometimes. It seems justified, but rarely leads to the type of communication and connection we truly want. In this episode I'm breaking down the mindset of petty behavior, so you can understand why this way of showing up can sometimes be so tempting. I also provide you with specific strategies to overcome any petty tendencies in your marriage...

Whenever I am speaking on the topic of communication in your marriage, there are a series of questions that are commonly asked. This week on the podcast, I'm answering them for you. I dive into the following questions: What to do when your spouse is super defensive  What to do when your spouse shuts down and refuses to talk about something  How to stop being so angry when you bring things to your...

Your communication is the FOUNDATION of your marriage. If you can't communicate effectively, you can't connect. And if you can't connect you have two people essentially living separate lives. In this episode, I have a special guest, and close coach friend, Julie Danielson join me for this co-podcast. Julie is a DIVORCE coach, yep you read that right. And the insight she shares about the communicat...

Today we are talking about challenges - specifically, when you commit to a certain set of actions for a defined period of time in order to achieve an important goal. Challenges can really support you in creating positive change in your life. And at this point in the year, you may have lost sight of a goal, or fallen out of the habits you are looking to change. This episode will give you the boost...

One of the most commonly sited skills couples mention needing improvement in is LISTENING. They can recognize their mutual inability to truly listen to understand each other, and notice how often they are listening to PROVE their point. In this episode of the podcast, we are diving into why this happens, and the specific steps you can take to become a better listener in your marriage. When you bot...

We are tackling a tough topic today. What's normal? It's a question I get asked so often and while what's normal is in many ways subjective. However, in my conversations with many couples and individuals, there are some common things I see happening (or hear about happening) that are outside the normal range of what's healthy in a relationship. In this episode, I break down the 5 most common not n...

One of the reasons couples have a hard time communicating is because they are not appropriately prepared for all the directions a conversation can go. Often people come to me wanting to know how to handle certain situations that have happened and not gone well. The key is to learn from what went wrong and to focus your energy on the most important aspects of creating a positive interaction. Being...

Happy Happy New Year! This podcast episode is a great conversation to have with yourself if you have ANYTHING in your life or marriage you want to be different in 2024. In it, I break down the 5 things you want to consider and think about in order to bring about lasting positive change. I also share some of the things I am doing differently, and an important goal I have for my own life this year....