All the $#!T

After the initial shock wears off, you begin the steady slide into the pit of despair - that all-consuming vortex of grief, anger, sadness, loneliness, helplessness, rage, dread, and an overwhelming sense of being generally “unmoored” or lost at sea. This is the worst - and longest - stretch of the process. In this episode I talk about how I gained clarity about my situation, how I approached my n...

Wow! It's been a LONG time since the last episode! Sorry for the wait, but life happened to me. I went through a divorce in early 2024, which turned my life upside down and inside out. I was caught completely off guard and totally unprepared for what would come next. It seems particularly ironic considering the last episode I published before going silent! In the aftermath, I looked for conten...

Relationships are hard, man! Whether you're still in high school and stressing about finding a date to prom, or a bit older and stressing about finding a date to your friend's wedding, the basic rules of relationships still apply. Tom shares the NUMBER ONE key to building a successful relationship and shares a conversation with his friend, Katie, about navigating the ins and outs of dating...

Do you ever think about all the stuff on your to-do list, or a big project you’re not sure how to tackle, and immediately feel exhausted? Have you ever thought about your future with apathy, like no matter what you do it’s just going to be a long, slow slog to the grave? You could be depressed, but if you’re generally content in your day-to-day life outside of thinking about the future, it could b...

Loneliness isn’t just about being alone. It’s about feeling alone. Loneliness results from a lack of sincere connection with others. You can see people every day at school or work, have 500 contacts in your phone, and millions of followers on social media, but you will experience loneliness if you can’t truly connect with them in an unfiltered way. A true connection is someone who sees you for who...

Tom shares a conversation with his brother, Andy, while on a backpacking trip in the Grayson Highlands of Virginia. They talk about how the comforts of modern living can trap you in a cycle of discontent. Andy presents his theory that most people default to following the path of least resistance - the comfortable, easy path - and that the best way to break out of it is to challenge yourself with s...

Tom and Will talk about habits and answer a question from a young man about how to break a habit without an “ultimatum,” or some consequence (real or perceived) attached to it. The guys share some of their own stories and offer some insight into what it takes to reach that ultimatum with yourself. NOTE: This episode includes a discussion of nicotine use and addiction. Tom and Will do NOT encourage...

Tom and Will tackle a question from a young man who doesn’t understand why older people keep telling him to “enjoy these years.” What is there to enjoy when life is full of stress, anxiety, fear, and all these other uncomfortable emotions and feelings? Who could possibly ENJOY this? The guys break it down with some solid rationale and a few suggestions to help you realize that there IS a lot to en...

Tom and Will talk mental health, but with the caveat that the term isn’t necessarily negative. Your mental health is simply the state of your mind at any given time. The guys talk about several challenges that young men face when it comes to mental health, including acknowledging and processing emotion, struggling with a desire for independence, and the ever-present “standard” of what it means to...

Tom and Will get EMOTIONAL in this episode, talking about the socially-constructed fallacy that “real men don’t cry.” The guys share some personal stories, along with some of the tools they use to process their emotions. They encourage young men to embrace rather than suppress their own emotions. They emphasize that there is nothing “unmanly” about crying or acknowledging the emotions that can tri...

The second half of Tom’s conversation with his friend, Elvir, focuses on Elvir’s integration into American life after arriving from a refugee camp in Croatia. Elvir shares his initial reactions to elements of American culture that we take for granted. He talks about the experience of being an immigrant in this country and adds context to the stereotypes that many Americans have toward that communi...

Tom shares a conversation with his friend, Elvir, whose family fled his native Bosnia when war broke out in the early 1990s. Elvir recalls the experience through 10-year old eyes, and reflects on what it must have been like for his parents at that time. The conversation highlights the good and bad sides of tribalism, which is currently testing the limits of American democracy as we know it. It off...

Tom and Will are back! The guys talk about New Year’s resolutions and how to implement change in general. They answer a question from a young man who is concerned that he’s “wasted” his age 14-17 years and it’s too late for him to take up a new sport.

Tom and Will reminisce about past relationships, young love, and the importance of the DTR (defining the relationship). They address a question from a young woman struggling to recover from being ghosted by her boyfriend (weak move, bro).

Tom and Will address a situation in which a young man gets so anxious before basketball games that he is physically nauseous. As a result of his anxiety, he decided not to try out for the high school team this year. However, his identity is so intertwined in the game that he feels he’s lost his sense of self and that the only thing he was good at is now gone. The guys share their own experiences w...

After a disgruntling week, including a "dust up" at work between them, Tom and Will consider dropping everything and living as expats in the Philippines or Costa Rica. With the internal conflict resolved, the guys answer a question from a young man who has been challenged to a fight but doesn't want to participate. The guys encourage the young man to do everything he can to avoid com...

Happy Thanksgiving! Tom sits down with one of his best friends, Justin, to talk about life. The guys dissect the nature of relationships, whether it's friendship or marriage, and how to improve and strengthen both. Justin shares a revelation from a substance-free pseudo-psychedelic experience and how it transformed his life and has led to a stronger and healthier relationship with his family....

After a lively conversation about road trips and pee breaks, Tom and Will offer advice to a 15-year old young man who is in over his head trying to manipulate his weight. Will puts his expertise on display as he talks the young man through some of the technical aspects of calorie counting and cautions him against any kind of significant restriction. He also drops a fat deuce on the notion of the B...

Tom and Will discuss a question posed by a 15-year old young woman whose 18-year old friend is making a classic proposal. The guys share some perspective with this young woman while thinking back on their own intentions and behavior at this transitional point in life. Will makes the argument that we ALL use one another in some way, shape, or form, while Tom invokes Taylor Swift to help differentia...

Tom and Will dive into one of Will’s favorite subjects: personal finance! A question about a young person’s relationship with money takes Will back to when his mom used to drive him to buyer’s clubs and he spent a lot of his time plotting his financial assent. The guys talk about their personal relationships with money and offer some counsel to this up-and-comer. Will's recommended reading lis...

Tom and Will tackle one of the most sensitive, shame-ridden, and serious topics young people face: sexual abuse. A young listener suspects his friend is being sexually abused by a family member and wants to help. Tom draws on his personal experience with sexual trauma to offer guidance in how to move forward. He also tries to explain how the internal conflict - heavy with guilt and shame - can be...

Tom invites his friend Elvir to join the podcast for a conversation about struggling with academics. Elvir’s experience coming to this country as a refugee in the 8th grade without speaking English, as well as his garbage GPA in high school, offers a unique perspective on overcoming academic challenges and negative self-talk. Tom cautions this young woman against getting trapped in the lie that sh...

EavesDROPs are stand-alone excerpts from the "All the $#!T" podcast to highlight key takeaways from these conversations. Tom and Annah tackle one of the most HUMAN challenges we all face: learning to love who we see in the mirror. Annah shares her experience living with a negative self-image and laments the years she spent trying to be what she thought OTHERS wanted her to be, rather tha...

With Will being unavailable due to a medical procedure, Tom drafts Annah to pinch hit and help answer some questions for young women! Tom listens as Annah takes over the show and shares heartfelt wisdom and perspective on the topics of eating disorders and dealing with a negative self-image during the tumultuous high school years.

Tom and Will add a new twist to the show, tackling questions from teens about the challenges they’re facing in their lives.  One young person with an interest in running for class counsel is having second thoughts at the last minute, questioning whether or not they’re capable of leading. They are intimidated by other kids, who are low-key bullying this individual for being a bit different. Tom and...