All the Fucks

With herd immunity a lifetime away, Jen + Lillian look to spinetingling tales as terrifying distractions! Get under the covers with us (and don't forget your flashlights) as we spin thrilling yarns of too-friendly neighbors, devious doppelgangers, and the power of a guttural "FUCK YOU!" warcry. 

Fuckbuddies, get ready for a real watershed moment here on the podcast--Jen + Lillian have their first throwdown, and in true us fashion, it's about something nostalgic and beloved: THE SANDLOT. Waxing rhapsodic about the Great Hambino takes us down a memory lane chock full of devastating Don Bluth movies, cautionary assemblies, and perilous moments in babysitting.

A week of chaos has Jen + Lillian searching for our creature comforts--and what better than the smells that make up our best (and worst) memories? From favorite drug store perfumes to the smells of summertime, field trips, and old houses, your intrepid hosts walk you through olfactory nostalgia... and remind you of things you probably don't miss after 13 months indoors.  -- To sign up for the...

Is it a penis, or a sparkling rose gif? A very unfortunate dick pic leads your intrepid heroines down a long and winding road of bodily concerns and medical mishaps! Join Jen + Lillian as we recall our most memorable pelvic exams, beds full of hornets, and how to make a Molotov cocktail with just a tampon and a dream.

Sometimes it's spidercast, sometimes it's pelicancast--today, Jen & Lillian bring you beecast... before launching into size politics and white feminism. But that's not all! Join us as we reflect on successful coping mechanisms for old wounds--allowing us to appreciate newfound abundance, closure, and the freedom to grow in unexpected ways. 

Happy 100 Episodes, Fuckbuddies! When your embarrassment podcast celebrates a milestone on April Fools' Day, what's better than detailing our most gullible moments? Cringe with Jen + Lillian as we remember shady gigs, timeshares, diet scams... and even a near-kidnapping or two! 

Today, Jen + Lillian celebrate 99 episodes of mortification, twitterpation, and complication--sharing stories, diaries, and letters of falling in love, terrible diets, and missives from the frontlines of the war on groundhogs. 

In the wake of homophobic and transphobic nonsense like #superstraight, Jen + Lillian discuss the spectrum of their gendered experiences--as cis women, as fat bodies, and as queer people. Join us for a retrospective of trying desperately to be the "cool girl," reading sad poetry in trees, and the robbery of femininity from fat girls.

As we acknowledge our first quarantine-versary, a lot of feelings come up for Jen + Lillian. Certainly hellish ones, but also an abundance of hope--and that's what we focus on today. From very real tips on getting vaccinated in the wild west of medical access, to gratitude over quarantine's unlikely gifts, to reimagining the cultural landscape for artists, we reflect on our identities and purpose...

Time for some passive aggressive sticky notes and long-forgotten leftovers! Love 'em or hate 'em, you've probably had to have them at least once in your life: we're talking roommates. From college blunders, to critter infestations, to early lessons in adulthood, Jen + Lillian recount some of their most cringeworthy co-habitations.

Join Jen + Lillian for another rousing edition of I Can't Believe I Did That, the storytelling game of embarrassing memories! Today's tales include indecent exposure in a moving vehicle, a flirty 75-year-old alter ego, and... the raccoon that was almost Thanksgiving dinner.

Swipe on that sunscreen, blast some Bon Jovi and hit the beach! Today, Jen + Lillian fondly remember the perils of their weirdest summer jobs. From Dirty Dancing gone wrong, to lice outbreaks, to playing chicken with barracudas, there's plenty we can't forget... but you'll wish we could. 

It's Valentine's weekend, and you know what that means, fuckbuddies--endless tomfoolery and terrible decisions! Join Jen + Lillian as we dig up some regrettable memories of the heart--guileless theatre romances; broody, mysterious penpals... and exactly what happens when you place a personal ad looking for love in New York City. 

Winter doesn't do it for a lot of folks, but once in a while, you get really lucky--and you get a snow day! Grab some hot cocoa and join Jen + Lillian as they wait out a massive 3-day blizzard, remembering the indignities of New York winters, ski splats, and almost getting buried alive in a snow fort. 

An episode meant for other matters takes a sharp left when Jen reflects on the future of underwires post quarantine. Join your early bloomers Jen + Lillian as they dive into sizing out of Victoria's Secret, the horrors of having boobs in gym class, and just how much fun it is or isn't when everyone feels entitled to touch them. (Spoiler alert--it isn't!)

It's a day of celebration here on All the Fucks! On the day after the inauguration, Jen + Lillian are riding high! Join us as we celebrate all kinds of wins--from career highs to childhood trophies, everything is a celebration... especially finding the perfect pair of underwear.

Happy birthday to us, fuckbuddies! Jen + Lillian celebrate *one year* of All the Fucks with some golden stories from their diaries. Join us for sordid tales of the trenchcoat mafia, aristocratic secrets of the Upper East Side, and exactly what to do when customers knock cowboy boots at your Olde Tyme Photo stand. 

It's 2021! And Lillian's birthday! And despite the world still being very acutely on fire, Jen + Lillian celebrate with some renewed--if tempered--vigor for life! We share our modest dreams for a year ahead that will probably still be in quarantine... but bolstered by hopes of twitterpation, wanderlust, and the thrills of trespassing. Someday. So... see you in 2022, probably? 

It's another auld lang syne, fuckbuddies--but this one hits different, doesn't it?! Help Jen + Lillian bid a fond farewell to the dumpster fire on poppers that was 2020. Along with our forgotten New Years Resolutions, we remember other non-starter ideas that fizzled immediately: becoming a Sugarbaker interior designer, having the skills of a first chair clarinetist... and the yet unrealized dream...

It's a jingle-jangle holiday special! Pour yourself some 'nog and roast some chestnuts with Jen + Lillian as they recount their fucks of Christmas past. From falling in love in a blizzard, to male fragility, to making out with gay guys on a Revolutionary battlefield... Santa's about to fill our stockings with fucks!

It's a jingle-jangle holiday special! Jen + Lillian discuss the blessings and heartache of a quarantine Christmas--the joy of giving the perfect gifts, the very best holiday specials, and the classist bullshit of Santa Claus. Deck the halls with fucks aplenty!

Jen + Lillian are back with another guest--Fem Appeal, the burlesque performer who goes bump in the night! Fem's work is unnerving and creepy, full of horror and sci-fi camp. She waxes creeptastic about basements full of dolls, the birth of her drag (and how much she hopes her dad can't hear her in the next room).  -- Follow Fem Appeal on Instagram!

Time for another lightning round! Jen + Lillian break out Mortified's "I Can't Believe I Did That" card game for delightful amuse bouche stories on teacher crushes, funky smells, and legendary kisses that absolutely should have happened. 

Happy Thanksgiving, fuckbuddies! Stay safe, stay put, and don't have a bird. Instead, let us regale you with stories of all fowl delightful and strange--from toddler-size T-Rexes, to pushy pelicans, to a looney bin full of turkeys! Thanksgiving 2020 is truly for the birds. 

Is this what we'd call a minisode?! Join Jen + Lillian as they play the new Mortified card came, I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THAT...  amuse bouche stories of forgery, cringeworthy nicknames, and that one Spice Girls hit you definitely haven't heard of.  -- To stream Jen's TEDx talk on Tuesday 11/24/20, register here !