All Sequels Go To Heaven

This week we watched National Treasure: Book of Secrets. This romp through American history is accompanied by several Academy Award Winners and Nominees, and all of them just seem to continually dunk on Riley. Also, who else's dick pics do you think are in the Book of Secrets? Leave a comment somewhere and we'll consider it.

Whether you're a dancing monk in a monastery, a hawk inexplicably in a cage on top of a high school, or a jackbooted thug about to bungee jump from the rafters of his high school gymnasium, gather around to hear the tale of 1994's The Next Karate Kid starring Hilary Swank as the new karate kid and Pat Morita as her mom's dead husband's friend Mr. Miyagi. Seriously gang, this one was excellent as f...

Son of a Son, Son of a Son, Son of a Son of a Loki. That's right, we watched Son of the Mask this week and boy is it... something else. Just... listen.

Gather onto this big wooden boat that we, American congressmen, have built for you, our podcast constituents. Of course you've guessed by this point that we watched Evan Almighty this week. So hop on board and hold on tight, because this ride got a little bumpy.

This week we watched Atlantis 2: Milo's Return. It's actually the first three episodes of a failed tv series that takes place entirely away from Atlantis. But enough about that, we talk a lot about famous British poker player Dave "The Devilfish" Ulliott. Because of course everyone should be doing that.

BOO FOR A COMEDICALLY NECESSARY THIRD TIME! Welcome to the final episode of our 2019 Halloween Spooktacular! This episode we visited a classic Halloween franchise by watching Return to Halloweentown. It's a proper sequel with a new lead actor, different rules of the world, and of course, TIME TRAVEL!!! Highly recommended (this episode. Not the movie.)

BOO AGAIN! Week 2 of our Halloween Spooktacular is here, and with it comes Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation. It's a movie that refuses to write its own music, insisting instead that we all give another chance to a little ditty called The Macarena. It's... a trip.

BOO! It's the first episode of our 2019 Halloween Spooktacular, so we watched The Rage: Carrie 2. It's just like the first one, but with more competition-grade spear guns. Check it out.

In the back half of our Sandlot double header we watched The Sandlot: Heading Home. It's such a better movie featuring brain trauma-induced time travel and a house filled with baseball-themed traps. We seriously cannot recommend this movie or this episode enough. Please check them out.

October is here! That means it's the most important time of the year for baseball, and thus, for men over 50. To celebrate, we watched The Sandlot 2 a movie which yearns so hard to be exactly like the first one but still falls so, so short.

If ya SMEEEEEELLLLLL what the ROCKY is COOKIN! That's right, this week we watched Rocky Balboa. It's the sixth Rocky movie, but it reminded us more of a fifth. Henry the Fifth. Once more unto the breach, dear friends.

This week we watched Kung Fu Panda 3, and loved it, but still managed to talk about Yu Gi Oh and Beyblades for a full 6 minutes in the middle. It was a wonderful time all around.

Boy have we got an episode for you this week, and you are not going to want to Experiment 089 it. You're honestly 405 to have stumbled upon this and you are not going to want to 362 your device once you take the 082 into this ep. So make some 460 and say 195 as the crew takes a 183 to the wonderful world of Leroy & Stitch. @asg2h

Ok, in our defense, we spent way less time talking about ding dongs in this one than the movie did. Though really, it would be almost impossible not to. @ASG2H

This week we watched Blues Brothers 2000. It's a wild movie, but instead we chose to talk about Digimon and crossing over Backyard Baseball and The Fault In Our Stars. So yeah. Give it a listen.

This week we watched Pitch Perfect 3, a movie we feel could have learned a lesson or two from The Emperor's New Groove.

This week we watched the fifth Transformers movie, Transformers: The Last Knight. And then something broke in Spencer and he watched the third and fourth back to back. Let's just say that he had some opinions on this one...

This week we watched Mean Girls 2, so of course a lot of our discussion revolved around competitive eating, competitive eater nicknames, and of course the peoples' champion/all around living legend Kobayashi. This one got a little wild.

This week we watched the FIFTH movie in the Ice Age franchise, a franchise which seems to be gaining great voice talent at the same rate it gets wild, amazing ideas out of the Rusted Root sequence in the first movie. Check it out. #PutItInTheMaze #PutItInTheLabyrinth

Take your strongest crazy pills, it's time to discuss 2016's Zoolander 2! It's a movie that opens with an extended Justin Bieber cameo and somehow only goes downhill from there. Listen if you dare.

Ahead of this week's remake, we watched the only true sequel to The Lion King, The Lion King 2! And then we discovered a lot of pictures of Matthew Broderick with sideburns. Both turned out to be very enriching experiences.

Hop in the car with Mike and the boys as they drive away from the serious, dramatic plot of the first move and towards Stripping Regionals! It should go without saying, this one gets a little raunchy.

This week we watched Grease 2, a movie directed by a choreographer, written by a songwriter and screenwriter who never met, and starring Shooter McGavin as a 1950s Greaser. It's an excellently terrible time.

This week we watched The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. But more than that, we discovered a Christian movie review website called Movieguide, which was way more worth exploring than this film.

This week we sat down to watch 2009's The Pink Panther 2. Some pretty major changes in this one: Beyonce is out, Jeremy Irons is in, and EVERYBODY IS SUDDENLY TERRIBLE AND CREEPY. It's... a lot.