A Thousand Tiny Steps

I gave a speech for RB Productions 20th anniversary and it made me reflect on what the arts can do to transform children's lives. It makes me think about how the arts have changed my life as well and the changes I'm making from writing a book to working on my non-profit.    Key Takeaways:    [1:33] Working on my nervous system  [3:59] What RB Productions did for Molly  [5:03] Auditioning for Mary...

My guest, Jennifer Lanie is a Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioner who helps people have better health through what they eat. By using lab tests that you can't get at the doctor's she helps you do a deep dive into your health which is inspired by her own lifelong chronic illnesses. Jennifer continually gets up again as she goes through divorce, career changes, illness, and financial ruin. ...

I went on a deep dive into how different religions view IVF. I discovered it's not so much about the process, but the sanctity of family. It's an interesting concept when thinking about my own faith and journey with IVF. I have had amazing support and been scorned by others for going through this process. Through it all, I have contemplated what being a mother is about.    Key Takeaways:    [0:54]...

I am going full force with the MollyB Foundation. I want to take it to a higher level and am brainstorming ways to do so. I will also be releasing my book soon which is about Molly. I'm interested to see the types of conversations it elicits and I'm grateful that I am able to continue to build a community of grievers.     Key Takeaways:    [2:06] Molly's involvement with RB Productions  [5:04] Tra...

Addiction is a cycle that has consumed my life at times. I am now in the process of realizing how many choices in my life it has impacted. It still feels like a slippery slope with drugs and alcohol, but I am finally realizing why I am making these choices and I am in the process of healing.    Key Takeaways:    [2:30] How drugs work in the body  [6:15] I loved alcohol because it took away my anxi...

I am taking numerous foods out of my diet to figure out how my body works. As I do that, the month of June is taking on a new meaning for me: track camp and the MollyB Foundation. I am working hard to grow the foundation and for it to have a legacy long after I am gone.    Key Takeaways:    [3:15] Doing the 75 Hard Challenge   [5:38] Doing a plethora of tests to figure out how my body works  [9:42...

My first guest, Libby, came on to talk about her mental health, eating disorder, and being an athlete. Libby chats about the struggles of transitioning into college, recovering from her eating disorder, and learning to value her accomplishments.    Key Takeaways:    [1:39] Why Libby started her podcast  [5:15] Why I love podcasting [5:57] Podcasting has helped her realize we all share similar stru...

On the 4th of July, I think about my memories with Molly and what kind of future I'll help create for Jack. I have been doing deep work with my anger, self sabotage, and this idea that I need an escape plan. Putting all my eggs in one basket makes me nervous and makes me feel like I need a plan B. I am learning to navigate these emotions and attempt to pull my life together.    Key Takeaways:    [...

When I think of community I think of how it's evolved over time and wanting to fit in. My religious, financial, sports community and more have all been redefined even in the past decade. These social issues make me ponder how to be the best mother I can for Jack while redefining what these issues mean to me.    Key Takeaways:    [3:03] How money played a role in my upbringing  [7:39] My family str...

Working at VLACS, an online middle and high school has been amazing. It has given me flexibility and I've been able to connect with students in a way I never could have in public school. But I am hopeful as I start my new journey launching a book and seeing where creating content around grief will take me.    Look at 95    Key Takeaways:    [1:30] Leaving my teaching job  [2:33] Finding what's imp...

I started track camp a few decades ago and it's still going strong. I get to show kids the joy of track and field while still having regular summer camp fun. Track camp has been such a pillar of our community and it now allows me to help grow the MollyB Foundation. Sign your kids up for track camp in the resources section.    Key Takeaways:    [1:49] The beginnings of track camp  [4:08] I wanted t...

As I hit the 8 year mark of Molly being gone, I think upon her legacy and what I'm doing with the MollyB Foundation to honor her. I have fundraised, supported the arts, and given scholarships to children in her honor. All of this work has helped me as I have gone on the healing journey of writing my book and dealing with nasty comments online.    Key Takeaways:    [2:53] 8 years since Molly died ...

As Memorial Day is upon us, it made me think back to the CrossFit workouts I've done in honor of people that have died. That's what I love about CrossFit. It is not just a workout, it's about community and supporting one another. In this episode, I look back on the heroes in my life and contemplate what commemorating someone really does.    Key Takeaways:    [2:00] Struggling in the month of May a...

As I wade through death week, I reflect on my grief, how it's changed and what's next for the podcast. The podcast has allowed me to work on healing myself and now it's also going to be a space for other people to share their stories. If you would like to be a guest on the show, please fill out the guest form in the show notes.   Key Takeaways:    [1:14] Being angry during death week  [3:44] Learn...

I have been working to find gratitude in everything I do, even when life feels terrible. Finding the good in tragedy has always been something I'm good at and I'm only trying to do that more everyday. In this episode, I contemplate how my life could have been different had I made different choices and the gratitude I feel now.    Key Takeaways:    [1:06] An important quote on gratitude  [3:19] Hav...

In this episode, I look back on the podcast interviews I've had and the amazing people I've met along the way in my grief journey. It's interesting to see what people remain and the ones who do not as I grieve. I think the most important thing I've learned is that helping others is sometimes the best thing I can do for my grief.    Key Takeaways:    [2:57] What is the universe trying to tell me? [...

As my relationship with Roy ended I mourned that I never received closure from it. I sometimes saw him as a thorny lifeline. I saw the women he dated throughout the years and maintained contact with him until another restraining order came into the picture.    Key Takeaways:    [3:23] Not getting closure from my relationship  [5:20] Meeting Roy for lunch [8:23] Roy's relationship with Lori [10:06]...

After Molly's death I was a disastrous mess. I was struggling with alcohol and drugs and at the same time dealing with the lawsuit. I had to deal with Roy moving on, dating someone new, and the different realities that he seemed to present to everyone around him.    Key Takeaways:    [5:43] The first actual breakup of Roy and I [7:22] Being a disastrous mess grieving Molly   [9:57] Having a huge f...

The 2 weeks before Molly died was rough - to say the least. I debated if I was going to go to Amsterdam with Roy. I told Doug I was quitting my job and got him out of my life. I disappointed my kids and argued with Kenny. Each one of these choices proved to be life changing. In this episode, I explore the sadness and self-hatred I have in the aftermath.    Key Takeaways:    [5:08] Molly and Gracie...

My life was falling into chaos as I fell deeper into a convoluted relationship with Doug, was on and off again with Roy, and reconnected with Robin. I worked crazy hours, missed events, and was deeply wrapped up in these relationships. While all this was happening Molly was getting sicker, but the doctor's wouldn't do a scan.    Key Takeaways:    [4:27] Writing my book  [7:12] Getting fired from m...

In the summer of 2015, I met a man named Doug who changed my life for the worse. My relationship with him made me feel chaotic and like I was uninvolved in the lives of others around me. It took time away from my family right as Molly began to get sick. In this episode, I look back on how I got sucked into this relationship and the lasting impacts it had on my life.    Key Takeaways:    [3:34] The...

My life felt like it was exploding as I was living 3 major life crises: Roy, Robin, and Kenney. They were all happening at once. My social life imploded and became non-existent, Roy and I "broke up" and got back together, and Kenney moved into an apartment. As I look back on these years I just feel terrible as I ended up repeating patterns from my childhood.    Key Takeaways:    [2:20] Living thes...

In the time leading up to Molly's death, I had a tumultuous relationship with Roy that was on again, off again. This created chaos in my life as I was finally becoming financially stable, finding hobbies I enjoyed, and trying to give my daughters a good life. As I look back on it all, I realize I was recreating childhood trauma.    Key Takeaways:    [1:39] Spring and Easter are difficult now that...

In 2011, I was working a million jobs just trying to pay the mortgage and keep busy. I was spending time with Roy where I could and a lot of our time spent together was spent dealing with court hearings. As that was going on I started CrossFit, our house almost went to auction, and Kenney got sicker and sicker. It was a whirlwind, before it would all come crashing down.    Key Takeaways:    [5:05]...

I attract people with narcissistic tendencies like flies. All my relationships have common themes in them and follow me everywhere: my romantic relationships, my jobs, the school board. These relationships heavily impacted my life as I dealt with death and trying to adjust to losing my job.    Key Takeaways:    [2:01] My friend Tom passed away  [5:34] Feeling pulled on by both sides  [7:09] Restra...