A Thousand Tiny Steps

The phrase "everything happens for a reason" drives me crazy. I found a new friend, Caitlin to commiserate with over this topic. We did CrossFit together and had the most wonderful conversation surrounding the timeline of grieving and society's opinions on it.     Key Takeaways:    [0:35] The old Barb vs the new  [2:46] Does everything happen for a reason?  [6:56] Meeting Caitlin who lost her husb...

As I remember 9/11, I think about how a single decision can be life changing. I unexpectedly went down to Disney with my family. It made me think about the choices I make everyday and the choices that people made on 9/11.    Key Takeaways:    [2:13] 9/11 is easier than other holidays because Molly wasn't born [3:37] My 9/11 workout  [7:21] What I remember about 9/11 [10:15] Unexpectedly going to D...

The emotional bittersweetness of holding the physical copy of my book, Motherland in my hands is real. My friend Vinny who was a huge support to me during the time of losing Molly has died and he will never get to read the book. So I read the chapter from my book that has to do with Vinnie and I hope that it sits with you.    Key Takeaways:    [1:26] The physical copy of my book is intense  [2:54]...

Seeing Bruce Springsteen in concert was life changing, but it has differed since I was in my early twenties. When I was at the concert all the memories of my life came rushing back and it's crazy to think that I am in a very different stage of life than I used to be. In this episode, I contemplate how the arts make an impact on children.   Key Takeaways:    [2:38] I first saw Bruce when I was 21 ...

August has always held significance to me as a time to return to school. As the seasons change though it makes me relive unpleasant memories and deal with the fact that I'm not teaching anymore. As I go through these times, I dive into Native American culture surrounding wellness during the season change.   Key Takeaways:    [1:11] The seasonal changes bring unpleasant memories  [2:40] Creating wa...

As I took Gracie to another Disney audition and listened to her contemplate her goals, I began to contemplate my own. I don't want to settle in my life and I'm trying to find ways to make the non-profit, my book, and my business work. In this episode, I dive into goal setting, not getting stuck in my ways, and the power of perseverance.    Key Takeaways:    [1:11] Gracie's first audition with Disn...

I recently had a CrossFit competition and what really stuck out to me was the fact that everyone had completely different body types and yet, we were all competing. I feel like CrossFit is just such an accepting place. I have seen classes for kids and the elderly and it makes me thrilled that such diverse people get to experience this.    Key Takeaways:    [0:48] Body image for women in CrossFit [...

I gave a speech for RB Productions 20th anniversary and it made me reflect on what the arts can do to transform children's lives. It makes me think about how the arts have changed my life as well and the changes I'm making from writing a book to working on my non-profit.    Key Takeaways:    [1:33] Working on my nervous system  [3:59] What RB Productions did for Molly  [5:03] Auditioning for Mary...

My guest, Jennifer Lanie is a Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioner who helps people have better health through what they eat. By using lab tests that you can't get at the doctor's she helps you do a deep dive into your health which is inspired by her own lifelong chronic illnesses. Jennifer continually gets up again as she goes through divorce, career changes, illness, and financial ruin. ...

I went on a deep dive into how different religions view IVF. I discovered it's not so much about the process, but the sanctity of family. It's an interesting concept when thinking about my own faith and journey with IVF. I have had amazing support and been scorned by others for going through this process. Through it all, I have contemplated what being a mother is about.    Key Takeaways:    [0:54]...

I am going full force with the MollyB Foundation. I want to take it to a higher level and am brainstorming ways to do so. I will also be releasing my book soon which is about Molly. I'm interested to see the types of conversations it elicits and I'm grateful that I am able to continue to build a community of grievers.     Key Takeaways:    [2:06] Molly's involvement with RB Productions  [5:04] Tra...

Addiction is a cycle that has consumed my life at times. I am now in the process of realizing how many choices in my life it has impacted. It still feels like a slippery slope with drugs and alcohol, but I am finally realizing why I am making these choices and I am in the process of healing.    Key Takeaways:    [2:30] How drugs work in the body  [6:15] I loved alcohol because it took away my anxi...

I am taking numerous foods out of my diet to figure out how my body works. As I do that, the month of June is taking on a new meaning for me: track camp and the MollyB Foundation. I am working hard to grow the foundation and for it to have a legacy long after I am gone.    Key Takeaways:    [3:15] Doing the 75 Hard Challenge   [5:38] Doing a plethora of tests to figure out how my body works  [9:42...

My first guest, Libby, came on to talk about her mental health, eating disorder, and being an athlete. Libby chats about the struggles of transitioning into college, recovering from her eating disorder, and learning to value her accomplishments.    Key Takeaways:    [1:39] Why Libby started her podcast  [5:15] Why I love podcasting [5:57] Podcasting has helped her realize we all share similar stru...

On the 4th of July, I think about my memories with Molly and what kind of future I'll help create for Jack. I have been doing deep work with my anger, self sabotage, and this idea that I need an escape plan. Putting all my eggs in one basket makes me nervous and makes me feel like I need a plan B. I am learning to navigate these emotions and attempt to pull my life together.    Key Takeaways:    [...

When I think of community I think of how it's evolved over time and wanting to fit in. My religious, financial, sports community and more have all been redefined even in the past decade. These social issues make me ponder how to be the best mother I can for Jack while redefining what these issues mean to me.    Key Takeaways:    [3:03] How money played a role in my upbringing  [7:39] My family str...

Working at VLACS, an online middle and high school has been amazing. It has given me flexibility and I've been able to connect with students in a way I never could have in public school. But I am hopeful as I start my new journey launching a book and seeing where creating content around grief will take me.    Look at 95    Key Takeaways:    [1:30] Leaving my teaching job  [2:33] Finding what's imp...

I started track camp a few decades ago and it's still going strong. I get to show kids the joy of track and field while still having regular summer camp fun. Track camp has been such a pillar of our community and it now allows me to help grow the MollyB Foundation. Sign your kids up for track camp in the resources section.    Key Takeaways:    [1:49] The beginnings of track camp  [4:08] I wanted t...

As I hit the 8 year mark of Molly being gone, I think upon her legacy and what I'm doing with the MollyB Foundation to honor her. I have fundraised, supported the arts, and given scholarships to children in her honor. All of this work has helped me as I have gone on the healing journey of writing my book and dealing with nasty comments online.    Key Takeaways:    [2:53] 8 years since Molly died ...

As Memorial Day is upon us, it made me think back to the CrossFit workouts I've done in honor of people that have died. That's what I love about CrossFit. It is not just a workout, it's about community and supporting one another. In this episode, I look back on the heroes in my life and contemplate what commemorating someone really does.    Key Takeaways:    [2:00] Struggling in the month of May a...

As I wade through death week, I reflect on my grief, how it's changed and what's next for the podcast. The podcast has allowed me to work on healing myself and now it's also going to be a space for other people to share their stories. If you would like to be a guest on the show, please fill out the guest form in the show notes.   Key Takeaways:    [1:14] Being angry during death week  [3:44] Learn...

I have been working to find gratitude in everything I do, even when life feels terrible. Finding the good in tragedy has always been something I'm good at and I'm only trying to do that more everyday. In this episode, I contemplate how my life could have been different had I made different choices and the gratitude I feel now.    Key Takeaways:    [1:06] An important quote on gratitude  [3:19] Hav...

In this episode, I look back on the podcast interviews I've had and the amazing people I've met along the way in my grief journey. It's interesting to see what people remain and the ones who do not as I grieve. I think the most important thing I've learned is that helping others is sometimes the best thing I can do for my grief.    Key Takeaways:    [2:57] What is the universe trying to tell me? [...

As my relationship with Roy ended I mourned that I never received closure from it. I sometimes saw him as a thorny lifeline. I saw the women he dated throughout the years and maintained contact with him until another restraining order came into the picture.    Key Takeaways:    [3:23] Not getting closure from my relationship  [5:20] Meeting Roy for lunch [8:23] Roy's relationship with Lori [10:06]...

After Molly's death I was a disastrous mess. I was struggling with alcohol and drugs and at the same time dealing with the lawsuit. I had to deal with Roy moving on, dating someone new, and the different realities that he seemed to present to everyone around him.    Key Takeaways:    [5:43] The first actual breakup of Roy and I [7:22] Being a disastrous mess grieving Molly   [9:57] Having a huge f...