A Little Help For Our Friends

Message us here! Ever wonder why holding your partner's hand during a stressful moment instantly calms you down? The answer lies in the fascinating neurobiological dance of co-regulation – when two nervous systems attune to and influence each other, creating safety, connection, and resilience that neither person could achieve alone. In this episode, we explore the multidimensional nature of c...

Message us here! Feeling stuck in the same arguments with your partner? Does it feel like a cycle of one of you is chasing and the other is running away? In this episode, we talk about the problematic cycle behind recurring relationship conflicts through the lens of Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT). We break down the pursuer-withdrawer dynamic: that frustrating cycle where one person pushes for conne...

Message us here! Have you ever had the unsettling realization that perhaps you don't like yourself very much? That underneath all your accomplishments, relationships, and hard work, there's a persistent voice whispering that you're somehow fundamentally flawed? In this very personal episode, we dive into the connection between childhood trauma and the development of negative core be...

Message us here! The invisible connection between trauma and sexual intimacy affects countless relationships, yet remains largely hidden in silence and shame. In this episode, we dive deep into why PTSD creates significant barriers to healthy sexual function—even when the original trauma had nothing to do with sex. Sexual arousal shares remarkable physiological similarities with threat response, c...

Message us here! Do we always have to choose between caring for ourselves vs. caring for others? Nope! Dr. Jordan Quaglia, associate professor at Naropa University, introduces us to "We-Care" – a revolutionary approach to caring that blends self-care and caring for others into an integrated practice where they mutually reinforce each other. Drawing from over a decade of research in mindf...

Message us here! Have you ever noticed a never-ending cycle of drama amongst your family or friend group? In this episode, we talk about how the Drama Triangle might be the hidden pattern keeping your relationships stuck in painful cycles. Whether you're supporting a loved one with mental illness or navigating difficult family dynamics, this pattern will keep you trapped in the pain instead o...

Message us here! What if we've been thinking about love all wrong? What if the idea that we must choose just one person to love deeply is simply a cultural construct rather than an inherent truth about human relationships? In this episode, we discuss with Paula Croxson, our friend and practicing polyamorist how we can challenge foundational assumptions about romantic love and connection. This...

Message us here! Madison Errichiello steps out of the "Love is Blind" pods and into a raw, illuminating conversation about healing from trauma and finding strength in vulnerability. Known for her openness about mental health on the show, Madison joins us to reveal the deeper layers behind what viewers saw – and how reality TV editing shaped public perception of her journey. "I don&a...

Message us here! Ever found yourself wanting to scream when someone launches into their hundredth "woe is me" monologue? Yep, we've been there. In this episode, we talk about one of the more isolating coping mechanisms: self-pity. We break down exactly what makes self-pity so aggravating for loved ones—that toxic combination of helplessness, victim mentality, and emotional quicksand...

Message us here! The wounds of high school popularity - or lack thereof - run surprisingly deep. In this episode, we explore how our teenage and adolescent social status continues to shape our self-concept decades later, informing how we navigate relationships, perceive our value, and approach social hierarchies. We dive into research that reveals the complex relationship between adolescent popula...

Message us here! Distance makes the heart grow fonder—or does it? In this episode, we explore long-distance relationships and what the research actually shows about couples who love across miles. We share our own varied experiences with long-distance love—from casual dating situations to serious commitments. Different relationship styles and personal attachment patterns dramatically impact how wel...

Message us here! We all know those moments—when everything feels either perfect or disastrous, when someone is either completely trustworthy or utterly toxic. "All-or-nothing," "black-and-white," or dichotomous thinking, shapes our relationships, political views, and self-perception in profound ways. But where does this all-or-nothing approach come from, and why is it so hard t...

Message us here! Are your parents bad at dealing with difficult emotions? Do they fall apart, ignore, criticize or withdraw when you need them the most? Emotional immaturity in parents causes profound ripple effects through generations, creating patterns many of us don't recognize until we're deep into adulthood. Based on Dr. Lindsay Gibson's model of emotional immaturity, we descri...

Message us here! When your dating a guy who isn't ready to settle down or your friend whines for not getting what she wants, you roll your eyes and think "they're so immature." But what does being "mature" mean, exactly? In this episode, we nerd out over the concept of emotional immaturity, the developmental aspects that contribute to it, and how it manifests in adult...

Message us here! Do you hate yourself or know someone who does? We delve into the painful reality of people who loathe themselves with Dr. Blaise Aguirre, a distinguished expert in child and adolescent psychiatry at McLean Hospital. We navigate the often-overlooked dimensions of self-loathing, delving into how it manifests in various mental health conditions, particularly borderline personality di...

Message us here! Can a new marriage really shake the foundation of a once harmonious family? Maybe if the newcomer is, ahem, emotionally challenging. In today's episode, we respond to a listener who asked for tips on dealing with the toxic behavior of a new family member. "Emma," a Little Helper, sent us a message describing her frustration with her uncle's new marriage followi...

Message us here! Is ethical non-monogamy simply a radical departure from tradition, or a return to our more natural relational roots? In this episode, we respond to one of our fans' questions about how to have an open relationship (thank you, fan from Columbia, Missouri!). We share stories and observations from diverse E&M communities, underscoring the vital role of consent and intentiona...

Message us here! Sex shouldn't feel like a chore...unless that's something you're into! In this episode, we welcome back Dr. Marina Rosenthal to talk about sex therapy. Dr. Rosenthal discusses how sex therapy addresses various issues, from erectile dysfunction and pain during sex to navigating non-monogamy and infidelity repair. This approach advocates for expanded definitions of se...

Message us here! Is plastic surgery a sign of self-improvement or a lack of self-love? In this episode, we reflect on this question after both of our (first?) major plastic surgery procedures: Kibby's double mastectomy for breast cancer treatment and Jacqueline’s decision to undergo liposuction. We question societal standards and the stigma surrounding body modifications, challenging the noti...

Message us here! What happens when you have sex with someone you like, get along with, and trust, but don't want to call it a "serious relationship"? In this episode, we explore the types of casual relationships such as friends with benefits and situationships, where the lines between friendship, passion, and intimacy blur. We unravel personal journeys from casual friendships to ful...

Message us here! When faced with the heart-wrenching decision to set boundaries with a loved one battling mental health issues, the choice is never easy. Many of us choose to estrange ourselves and cut off contact with difficult parents for our own wellbeing, but we also risk losing them forever. In this special episode, psychotherapist Dr. Caitlin Fang returns to share her deeply personal experie...

Message us here! When you grow up in a household where love feels conditional, and your sense of self-worth hinges on meeting impossibly high standards. In this episode, we discuss the challenges faced by those who have navigated life with narcissistic parents. We explore the emotional scars left by such upbringing, including struggles with low self-esteem and attachment issues. We also discuss ho...

Message us here! Tis the season to be overwhelmed by family dysfunction! The holidays often unravel unresolved family dynamics and we often have to balance time with loved ones and our own sanity. In this episode, we delve into the emotional triggers that resurface during festive gatherings, like feeling like a child again around older relatives. We highlight the contrast between the idealized hol...

Message us here! Well, the results are in: Donald Trump is the president of the United States. Again. This election came with a ton of emotions on either side of the political divide. In a world where differing political views often lead to divisive conflicts, how can we bridge the gap and maintain our relationships? In this episode, we take a deep dive into the complex dynamics surrounding suppor...

Message us here! Every couple fights sometimes, but what if conflict is the norm in your relationship? High conflict couples tend to fight, shut down, yell, and sometimes even get violent too often. In this episode, we talk to couples therapist and relationship mindset expert Dr. Marina Rosenthal about how high conflict couples can change the way they fight. We talk about the different types of hi...