Playing With Fire

Relationships are where we seek security, so making changes can feel particularly scary or overwhelming.  Don't let this fear stop you from creating the custom-built relationship you really want!   This episode is all about how you can shift your experience of opening up from fearful to hopeful starting today. How ready are you--right now-- to open your marriage? Take this 2 minute quiz and se...

"Why are you doing it like that?"  Whether your criticism is about something as mundane as loading the dishwasher or as complex as managing new relationship energy, poorly timed, unsolicited criticism doesn't actually get us the connection we're longing for.  Dr. Jessica Higgins joins us this week to offer clarity on what criticism is really telling us and what we can do to shift...

Want a more expansive, custom-designed life? You need to take some risks and make changes. BUT--before you go committing to permanent change, learn exactly how to use one of Joli's most-trusted tools for minimizing risk while making exciting changes in your relationships.  Watch this episode on YouTube How ready are you--right now-- to open your marriage? Take this 2 minute quiz and see!

Relationships get stronger and healthier when you talk about them with your partners. For that you're going to need shared language and meaning, Learning the jargon of relationship styles is so helpful! So, here's how we think about relationship labels---open relationship, kitchen table polyamory, relationship anarchy, and lots more. As mentioned in the episode, for more information on rel...

Do you wish desire just magically ramped up without any effort? It certainly does sometimes, but most of the time desire flows better because we actively FUEL desire. This week we're talking about the things that block your access to desire and what to do about those blocks.  Desire does not have to be elusive, so if you struggle here rest assured it is 100% normal to need to learn the skills...

Sure, it sounds fun, but is polyamory actually practical? And what if you have kids-- it's already tough to find time-- how can this work? What about STIs? Unplanned pregnancy? Or what if we find out we aren't a good fit anymore? When these big questions loom its helpful to hear from people who've been there, done, got the t-shirt. If you're new to polyamory this interview is espec...

Conventional wisdom tells us marriage is all about compromise and we are not here for it. Honestly, conventional wisdom will, at best get you a conventional relationship... and if you are here you want way more than that kind of life. Let's talk about what compromise does to your individuation path, where compromise is appropriate, and how to choose an uncompromising intimacy with love and com...

"I want to feel less jealousy and more compersion- HELP!" There's no one in the world who can speak to this topic like Dr. Marie Thouin, so we were thrilled to have this conversation with her. Compersion is the feeling of joy for another's joy, and it's often seen as the opposite of jealousy. Every week I hear people wrestling with jealousy and trying to move toward compersio...

It's totally normal to be moody, triggered, and reactive but it takes a TOLL on your relationships if you don't know how to get back out of those states. You perceive the world---and all your relationships---through your nervous system. Sensory information comes in and your brain interprets it. So it makes sense that learning how to regulate your nervous system is a key part of making your...

Do you experience jealousy as overwhelming, painful, or disruptive? How about envy? Yeah- most people agree, there's more pain than fun packed into these feelings. But, like other big emotions, jealousy and envy have are rich with gold you for your individuation journey. The trick is to begin seeing these green-eyed monsters for their archetypal content rather than as something to solve. Jealo...

Do you want to grow into the most authentic version of your Self that you can be? The good news is that you get to choose that, and all you need is within reach right now. Typically, individuation is seen as a solo activity, a deep inner journey that often comes with an image of the hermit. But we've found that relational individuation is another VERY fruitful option. This week we are talking...

Do you want to explore non-monogamy? Are you curious about how conscious relationships can take you to new levels of growth in your psychological individuation? In Playing With Fire, which grew out of the Project Relationship podcast, Joli and Ken co-host weekly intimate conversations from the inside of a non-monogamous, individuation-oriented marriage. We’re sharing tools and strategies for makin...

Are your relationships messy? That's more than OK - learning more about your particular relationship mess by learning about others can save you a lot of time and pain. So we talked with Kate Loree, LMFT, a sex-positive licensed marriage and family therapist with a specialty in non-monogamous, kink, LGBTQ, and sex worker communities. She's the author of Open Deeply: A Guide to Building Cons...

Burnout sucks, and it's everywhere. We talk with Jim Young, The Centered Coach, about his book Expansive Intimacy and about intimacy as the opposite of burnout. His book will be available this fall (2022). Check out Jim's website at www.thecenteredcoach.com . Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www. JoliQuiz.com You can see the transcript on Joli's blog, a word...

Visiting a pleasure-centered shop can be an inspiring and exciting experience for singles, couples, and moresomes. Beth Hankes from Earth and Salt shares how and why she decided to open her shop, and why it's so important for it to be an accessible, informative, supportive place. Beth Hankes (she/her) is the Founder and CEO of Earth and Salt, and a sex education certificate student at the Inst...

Tired of *trying* to find the person you want? There's a faster path and it is completely within your reach. Everyone has the capacity to deepen their intimacy with Self and when you do, you'll find that others respond. Stop trying to be someone for someone else and BE YOU.  Joli talks with the incomparable Allana Pratt about the pains and perils of trying to date without doing your person...

Am I pure enough? Am I a good _______? Fill in the blank - what were you raised to be, how were you indoctrinated? Do you still agree with it? How do you wish you could move past it?  Lauren Elise Barnes is a certified holistic s*x educator who spent a decade in the maternal health industry. She talks with us about creative monogamy, non-monogamy, and surviving purity culture. Learn more about Lau...

How do you experience your differences with your partner? Do you feel discomfort, or conflict, or maybe you feel isolated and abandoned? Do you work to mask those differences by trying to meld together, or by acting like someone you're not? Let's talk about how our experience of those differences can help us grow in ourselves and in our relationships Are you ready to open your relationship...

Want designer relationships? Want to show up as more of yourself and less of what others might expect, and help your partners do the same? Let's talk about some conversations, actions, and self-reflection that will help us get there.  Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www. JoliQuiz.com   You can see the transcript on Joli's blog, a word from Joli Watch the video...

Going to a strip club is a great way to expand your erotic life but we have heard from tons of couples who feel a little nervous about it. Even if you've gone before, going as a couple might feel different. In this episode we talk with Elle Stanger, a s*x wrker (yes, we have to get creative with spellings around the internet these days) and AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator about strip club...

Accountable and reliable- this is what you want from a life partner. But, life moves fast. What happens when you can't keep your word? Or when you change your mind about something that matters to your partner?  One of the things about having a completely unscripted podcast is you get to hear us work through our process live- no edits. In this episode, we talk about what happens in our relation...

We talk with Megan Bhatia from the Amory podcast about our different polyamory journeys, our experiences with family as polyamorous people, and parenting outside the monogamous paradigm. You can view the transcript here Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love...

Ready to take your relationships to new levels of growth and satisfaction? In a community of like-minded, growth oriented people with similar goals? Led by a highly trained expert and her experienced partner? Listen to Episode 69 where we share some of our thoughts and experiences about opening relationships, and offer an exciting new opportunity to join a group coaching program designed to help y...

Join us for the first episode of Season 6! We talk with Elisabeth Kristof of Brain Based Wellness about training your nervous system, and how you can use those skills to improve your relationships. Elisabeth is not only a certified applied neurology coach but also one of Joli's most treasured trauma-informed colleagues.  Click here for a free video series to relieve stress, resolve anxiety and...

Are you kinky? Nobody but you can answer that question, and nobody but you can decide what it means. There's no board of kink that issues certificates, no licensing board that decides what you can and can't do based on your "kink" status.  In this episode we talk about ways you can explore this question for yourself. And some of the things to think about along the way - practical...