On Attachment

In today's episode, we're exploring healthy interdependency. Interdependency is often cited as a key trait of secure functioning relationships, and yet many of us lack a clear picture of what healthy interdependency actually looks and feels like - especially if you have a history of insecure attachment patterns. We'll cover: the spectrum from codependency to hyper-independence  inte...

In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts around anxious attachment & open relationships. While not being my personal experience, this is an area I receive a lot of requests and questions around, as various non-monogamous relationship structures grow in popularity.  We'll cover: common struggles of anxious attachment and how they might show up in an open relationship structu...

You've probably heard about the 5 Love Languages as pioneered by Gary Chapman. In this episode, I’ll share how to navigate the very common situation of having different love languages to your partner. We'll also cover how love languages interface with anxious-avoidant dynamics, and offer insights and practical tools on how you can share your love language with your partner so they can un...

Mismatched libido in a relationship is a challenge that a lot of couples face. In today’s episode, I’ll be answering a listener's question of how to navigate mismatched libido in a relationship, particularly in an anxious-avoidant dynamic. I’ll guide you on strategies to break the anxious-avoidant spiral, by initiating open dialogue and finding a middle ground between both partners. We’ll cov...

Retroactive jealousy is one that focuses on the past, fixating on other partners or stages in your partner's lives and being threatened by it. In today’s conversation, I’ll dive into how such jealousy stirs immense stress, but more importantly, we share insights into building healthier, more resilient relationships. We'll cover: Impacting our self worth Looking for skeletons and reasons...

With societal pressures and a ticking clock, being newly single in your mid-30s can be challenging. In today’s episode, I want to share advice on navigating being newly single and the mindset for dating, and honouring the desires you have without feeling hopeless or overwhelmed. We'll cover: Grieving a future you thought you would have The opportunity for reframe Comparisons to other people’s...

As an anxiously attached person, space in a relationship can sometimes feel like the biggest threat. In today’s episode, I’m sharing my own experience with this and advice on how you can consciously choose space and separateness to foster greater intimacy in your relationship, especially in a time where you may feel more drawn to stay connected. We'll cover: Wanting to close the gap and be cl...

Looking out for someone who you care for that is going through a hard time is a challenge most of us will have to face in our lifetimes. But feelings of threat to the relationship, especially as an anxious attached person may come up in these times, and I want to help you navigate through these while prioritising your wellbeing, and not overstepping. We'll cover: Monitoring your “fixing” the...

In today's episode, I'm answering your questions on the topic of break-ups. Break-ups are a universally challenging experience, and an area that I receive a lot of questions on. So today I'm answering your questions on: what is a no-contact period and how best to implement it? when is it a good idea to reconcile with an ex? how to deal with guilt around knowing that I need to break...

In today’s episode, we’re exploring long-distance relationships. Despite the old adage of “absence makes the heart grow fonder”, many people tend to really struggle with long-distance relationship structures.  We’ll cover: Why it’s normal and natural to struggle with long-distance How attachment dynamics can exacerbate long-distance challenges Tips for maintaining connection while apart Highlighte...

In today’s episode, I’m answering a listener’s question on how to stop taking things so personally. This is something a lot of us struggle with, and can lead us to internalise others’ behaviour in ways that damage our self-esteem and exacerbate our suffering.  We’ll cover: Why you might take things personally  The link between people pleasing and taking things personally How to approach these situ...

In today’s episode, we’re talking all about attachment styles and break-ups. While of course, break-ups are messy, personal and far from formulaic, there are undeniably certain themes in how our break-ups feel that can be traced to our attachment patterns. Understanding the ways in which attachment drives can shape how we relate to and experience break-ups is essential in finding greater compassio...

Does ghosting leave you feeling anxious, confused, and questioning your self-worth? If so, you’re not alone.  Today, we're diving deep into this all-too-common dating phenomenon. We'll explore  why ghosting occurs, the common impacts it has on self-esteem, and how to give yourself the closure and peace you desire.  Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiousl...

In today's episode, we're diving deep on the abandonment wound - a fear that lies at the heart of many insecure attachment patterns and relational dynamics. A fear of abandonment can show up in so many ways, and can keep us from experiencing relationships in a way that feels trusting, safe and secure.  We'll cover: how it feels to fear abandonment in your relationship different form...

In today’s episode, we’re talking all about discomfort — specifically, why it’s so essential in any healing journey to reframe the way we approach and relate to getting uncomfortable.  Most of us recoil at the first sign of discomfort, preferring to stay squarely within the domain of what we know and can control. But this often means we’re confining ourselves to a very limited experience of what’s...

Have you ever wondered why your relationship struggles persist, even when you love each other and have tried and tried to make it work? In today's episode, I'm sharing three essential ingredients to make a relationship work. These are fundamental pillars of healthy, lasting partnership - and yet, for a lot of people, one or more of these puzzle pieces are missing.  We'll cover: the...

Anxious attachment can be incredibly exhausting - but it doesn't have to govern your future.  And in today's episode, I'm going to be laying out the path to healing anxious attachment, walking you through the core pillars of my methodology. We'll discuss the importance of self-regulation and how we can start to build self-trust and safety from within rather than depending solel...

Have you ever wondered why it can be so challenging to recover from toxic relationships? Why the drama and unpredictability leave you feeling more disoriented and overwhelmed than relieved? In today's episode, I'm here to guide you through this complex terrain. We'll unravel the dynamics of such relationships and expose the confusion, grief, and shame that often accompany them.  It&...

Unless you're a true outlier, there's a pretty good chance you've had some experience with jealousy.  And yet, as universal as it is, jealousy is possibly one of the most maligned emotions we can have.  In today's episode, join me on a journey to understand this complex emotion better and explore ways to transform it into a tool for strengthening relationships. We'll explo...

Ever been caught in that tricky situation of setting boundaries with an ex? Navigating this territory can be a daunting task at the best of times, and especially so when co-parenting or shared responsibilities are at play.   In today's episode, I'll be sharing some strategies for establishing and upholding boundaries with ex-partners that allow you to prioritise your wellbeing. I'll...

Ever been stuck in a situationship, that in-between space where you're more than purely casual but not truly committed? In today's episode, we're unboxing this modern dating conundrum. We're peeling back the layers of why we find ourselves in these non-committal scenarios, particularly exploring the attachment drives that can both lead to and exacerbate this dynamic. More impor...

Are you feeling stuck in the perennial battle between seeking external validation and staying true to your authentic self? In today's Q&A episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on how to detach from unhealthy people-pleasing behaviours that ask us to trade our authenticity for belonging and approval.  This episode challenges you to take a deeper look into your people pleasing tendencies,...

Is your anxiety getting the better of you in the early stages of dating? Well, take a deep breath and let's journey together through this episode where we unravel the common anxieties in early dating, particularly for those with an anxious attachment style.  We'll delve into the raw aspects of why this period can trigger our deepest sensitivities and how we can make this an empowering vo...

In today's episode, I'm delighted to be joined by the one & only Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT. Stan is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of PACT (a Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy), as well as being a prolific author of several best-selling books such as Wired for Love and most recently, In Each Other's Care .  In this episode, Stan joins me to chat with me a...

In the absence of self trust, we see a lot of other dominoes fall in terms of self worth and self respect. This is something almost everyone I work with struggles with to some degree and it’s a challenging piece of the puzzle when it comes to our personal growth in relationships. In today’s episode, I’m sharing 3 tips for building self trust to help you to go out into the world and make aligned ch...