Hello Dysfunction

Pata Fria got a Mexican denture and surprised herself with how creative she gets while hurt. Crystal got a special voicemail and visit right when she needed it. Nightmares are among us, after 2.5yrs Crystal finally got Covid and blocking ppl is about self preservation, not you.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off...

It’s hot.  Roaches are never welcome.  Crystal is a caring death doula and guns are outta control. Pata Fria is more prude than you’d expect, thank god for growth, use water in the bathroom and dnt be gross.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO...

Happy Birthday Pata Fria. Don’t call me “lil mama”.  Be extra nice nice to the ugly produce and Aunt Debra is a damn fool.  Being a woman is annoying, not everyone can breastfeed and Crystal’s singing has to stop.  Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction   Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction   Instagram.com/lurkpatafria   Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/st...

We’re almost 4 years old!!  Pata Fria is back from Mexico.  Carolyn might have a keepsake for sale and we have a new beauty secret to share.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full...

Crystal is an adult cheerleader.  Keep politics out of our vaginas.  Hyper sexual children are more common than some realize and love at first month is totally possible.  Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction   Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction   Instagram.com/lurkpatafria   Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

Coffee is a trickster.  Tomatoes used to be a lot better tasting.  Stop telling everyone your family planning and extreme cheapskates are great.  Crystal is ALL about mid century modern and Pata Fria is getting her affairs in order.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com a...

Welcome.  Pata Fria draws nice stars. Crystal’s “what ifs” are non stop. Don’t fall for IG scams. Don’t forget your kids places, honest people still do exist.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO Join our Patreon!!...

Wanna smooth things out? Make a dance routine. Women are really in constant physical pain. Water isn’t a good time and cannibalism should be legal. Personality tests be on point and don’t let social media make you feel like you aren’t doing enough.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to...

Eat cinnamon mentos for dinner. Our kids been stressing us to death and we hate Pepsi. Our recording decor is really classy and Netflix is being greedy. Tips on how to get more fellatio and plan your after death signs now.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use disc...

RIP to our dear listener Lauren.  Do your laundry.  Carolyn needs to make some money.  Divorce is ok!! Swear on your own life.  It pays to be a good person and tiny mustaches should be a thing.  For additional weekly episodes join our Patreon!!  Patreon.com/hellodysfunction   Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction   Instagram.com/lurkpatafria   Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your...

Two mentally ill moms… Is Pata Fria retired?  Crystal is still talking to strangers.  New hair, who dis?  Crystal needs to delete games off her phone.  Hand me downs are great. Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO •...

Pata Fria’s voice is returning.  We’re still wearing masks.  Depression is a stupid bitch.  Don’t judge a book by it’s cover and beware of mountain lions in your backyard.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO Join o...

Excedrine is that girl.  Don’t take our medical advice.  iPhone “Share My Location” is not always accurate.  Crystal gives great history lessons.  Pray for Ukraine. We’ve been taught very contradictory rules.  Always be open to learning and please leave us a review xo Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first m...

Trauma makes you funny. Where is Pata Fria’s period. We’re kids with kids and the Olympics are racist.  We got really sweet valentines, Crystal got embarrassing singing from her mom.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!   The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly.  I...

Crystal brought us in with a very 90s serenade. Love Day is upon us.  Pata Fria got new lashes.  Don’t break anyone’s heart.  Chode vs mushroom Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hell...

Crystal is singing again. We’re tired of paying bills. The groundhog saw his shadow. We’re not  role models. Decriminalize drug use. Kill your local rapist.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO Join our Patreon!! Pa...

Botox time is always a joy. This is a luxury trailer community. New Year’s resolution for couples.  Billionaires don’t need space toys.   Check out this week’s sponsor!  • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!   The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly.  If you need to wind down there are also wellnes...

Welcome to the smoking closet. Crystal has tough lungs and more unlocked memories. Don’t fake the funk. Pata Fria wants a spiked ring of ownership and McKenzie fights.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO Join our P...

Today’s episode is gross.  There is no singing today.  We’re definitely from the older generation, hygiene is being brought up AGAIN.  Tweaker fights are the best.  Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction   Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction   Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

Everybody’s sick.  We’re old. Crystal’s paranormal roommates have been ACTIVE. Try to stay on top of your meds and don’t be a cheater. Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of sho...

Last episode of the year; 2021 has not been kind. You can stop being friends without becoming enemies. CDC said go to work. Don’t buy your kids tattoo machines. The Damato kids are hilarious. Snow trips with no adults. Roses for Jesus.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com...

We’re not starting a pet furniture line. They can’t all be good days. Crystal has been living on IG live. Treat yourself to an occasional visit from a housekeeper. Dog bites. Poor family outings. If you’d like to contribute to Billy’s celebration of life/Carolyn’s independent living expenses, please visit  https://gofund.me/acc45cd6 Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction   Follow us on IG...

We’re so happy to be back. Don’t let anyone put you in a closet. Self love shouldn’t bother you. Sober sex is different! Tattoos are great. If you’d like to contribute to Billy’s celebration of life/Carolyn’s independent living expenses, please visit  https://gofund.me/acc45cd6 Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off yo...

We love you Billy. National Day of Mourning. Don’t learn to make greens on the internet. Autopsy tours should be a thing. Frankenstein has moved out. Hippos are living it up in Colombia. In honor of Billy we’re bringing back the holiday tee, details how to purchase are available on our ig page. If you’d like to contribute to Billy’s celebration of life/Carolyn’s independent living expenses, please...

We’re back after a rough couple weeks. Pata Fria has a plastic surgery addiction. Billy gave us a huge scare. Check in with your kids and take mental health as seriously as physical health. Don’t go slow in the fast lane and always shower before you get waxed.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month h...