Hello Dysfunction

Trauma makes you funny. Where is Pata Fria’s period. We’re kids with kids and the Olympics are racist.  We got really sweet valentines, Crystal got embarrassing singing from her mom.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!   The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly.  I...

Crystal brought us in with a very 90s serenade. Love Day is upon us.  Pata Fria got new lashes.  Don’t break anyone’s heart.  Chode vs mushroom Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hell...

Crystal is singing again. We’re tired of paying bills. The groundhog saw his shadow. We’re not  role models. Decriminalize drug use. Kill your local rapist.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO Join our Patreon!! Pa...

Botox time is always a joy. This is a luxury trailer community. New Year’s resolution for couples.  Billionaires don’t need space toys.   Check out this week’s sponsor!  • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!   The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly.  If you need to wind down there are also wellnes...

Welcome to the smoking closet. Crystal has tough lungs and more unlocked memories. Don’t fake the funk. Pata Fria wants a spiked ring of ownership and McKenzie fights.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO Join our P...

Today’s episode is gross.  There is no singing today.  We’re definitely from the older generation, hygiene is being brought up AGAIN.  Tweaker fights are the best.  Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction   Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction   Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

Everybody’s sick.  We’re old. Crystal’s paranormal roommates have been ACTIVE. Try to stay on top of your meds and don’t be a cheater. Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of sho...

Last episode of the year; 2021 has not been kind. You can stop being friends without becoming enemies. CDC said go to work. Don’t buy your kids tattoo machines. The Damato kids are hilarious. Snow trips with no adults. Roses for Jesus.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com...

We’re not starting a pet furniture line. They can’t all be good days. Crystal has been living on IG live. Treat yourself to an occasional visit from a housekeeper. Dog bites. Poor family outings. If you’d like to contribute to Billy’s celebration of life/Carolyn’s independent living expenses, please visit  https://gofund.me/acc45cd6 Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction   Follow us on IG...

We’re so happy to be back. Don’t let anyone put you in a closet. Self love shouldn’t bother you. Sober sex is different! Tattoos are great. If you’d like to contribute to Billy’s celebration of life/Carolyn’s independent living expenses, please visit  https://gofund.me/acc45cd6 Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off yo...

We love you Billy. National Day of Mourning. Don’t learn to make greens on the internet. Autopsy tours should be a thing. Frankenstein has moved out. Hippos are living it up in Colombia. In honor of Billy we’re bringing back the holiday tee, details how to purchase are available on our ig page. If you’d like to contribute to Billy’s celebration of life/Carolyn’s independent living expenses, please...

We’re back after a rough couple weeks. Pata Fria has a plastic surgery addiction. Billy gave us a huge scare. Check in with your kids and take mental health as seriously as physical health. Don’t go slow in the fast lane and always shower before you get waxed.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month h...

It’s our 3 year anniversary week!!  The new iPhone update might have a sneaky new feature. Bad service in a restaurant is really a mood killer and if Crystal wants your recipe she’ll track you down!  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s...

Retrograde is bringing them old thangs back, don’t raise our rent. Crystal is a cool mom and also a part time plumber. Trains vs threesomes and Pata Fria booked another surgery.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO...

We’re back together again!  Crystal is a sex queen. Bunny’s becoming a bit of a problem and please always wash your hands!  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • Poshmark  The seasons are changing, we’re ready to clean out our closets and grab some new items for fall!  Poshmark is our favorite reseller app on the market. It’s super easy to set up a closet to sell your items for cash and browse thru t...

Keep you head on a swivel, weirdos are out there. Raising sons isn’t always a great time. Pumpkin season is upon us and tiktok is great for life hacks.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!   The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly.  If you need to wind down there...

Please note, this is our first episode recorded separately due to covid. Our quality of sound may have been somewhat compromised. A few updates, a few write  ins…everyone be safe and thank you for listening!  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELL...

Crystal Barbie wasn’t real, call her Crystal hot tits. Everyone needs to explode sometimes. HSP explains a lot. PeePee is doing much better, Natalia made everyone early valentines. Check the dates on all snacks always.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discoun...

Bunny had her first fight, Crystal ate some bad food, Pata Fria is loving store deliveries and curbside service. When was the last time you ran full speed? Stay your asses off the milk crates and race play kinks are unfortunately a thing.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp...

Happy Birthday Crystal, fussy babies and the first day of school. Don’t eat chocolate in the bed and does anyone know how long plan B lasts?  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO • Hella Infused  High quality handma...

Crystal got embarrassed at Alpha Beta and has ugly nails. Pata Fria is a lonely girl, but don’t marry your cousin or your child. Starbucks is really slackin so thank god for Orbit Coffee!  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!   The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added week...

PMS is killing us. Was Crystal actually a southern woman in a past life? America’s eating habits are embarrassing. Don’t wait for the stink.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO • Hella Infused  High quality handma...

We’re still wearing masks, Pata Fria’s sex drive is on it’s way back and Crystal got her mouth clawed. Don’t poison your family, be passive aggressive or start fires with your gender reveals.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • Hella Infused  High quality handmade lab tested CBD infused products.  Black woman owned/local/independent business! Right now Hella Infused is offering a free gift and 20%...

We’re happy to be back, last week was eventful. Art show was a success, Crystal samples drinks before buying and Pata Fria is fixing her Marge. Please practice fire, covid and drug safety. Crystal has a connection to New Orleans and they love making themselves known.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first...

Welcome to the news.  PeePee is small and if you don’t have a medical clearance please make sure you’re at our art show. Pata Fria had a really vivid dream and beware of ticks! Door Dash has been a joke and Crystal’s phone is still x-rated.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • Hella Infused  High quality handmade lab tested CBD infused products.  Black woman owned/local/independent business! Right n...