Hello Dysfunction

Co-sleeping is amazing, a few cigs are good as a treat, the 90s had the best shoes and stockings are Crystal’s jam. Peez loves Jesus, women are magic, don’t be a mood killer and corporations are GREEDY. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagra...

Cults are fascinating, Carolyn’s chemical warfare, billionaires are scum and we’ve made some mistakes. Older kids are a different kind of stress, sometimes you just gotta explode, pigs contain human and nature provides everything we need.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: In...

Crystal had food poisoning and deleted our texts, Pat loves Home Depot and has been locked in with the DIYs. Playing 432hz at night might relax you OR terrorize your dreams, having kids later in life comes with a price.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellody...

1970 was 30yrs ago, Pat started a new tattoo, Crystal is researching classified CIA docs and CEOs should be worried. Humans aren’t meant to be this busy, we miss a well loved bear, inspect your butthole and old people do not want technology.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG:...

It’s nice seeing family, salt might be causing migraines, Crystal was on a hunt for “Crisssssss” and we’re getting back in the gym. Experiences are better than toys for Xmas, Peez is thankful she’s beautiful, Grenandine is a lie and we want a rage room.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Foll...

Pat is your lesbian aunt that loves bowling, cigarettes are making a comeback, angry kids are not fun and angry cops are even worse. Everyone’s getting migraines, monitor your kid’s downloads, Facebook groups are a good time and basketball players are weirdly close.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodys...

The universe gave us a Christmas blessing, American dental work pricing is shameful, increase your fiber and stay away from the Bad News Bears. Peez is subscribing to things, Pata Fria has a type, aliens are here and get your HD merch while you can!  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow u...

The energy is off in the world, you can’t be an outlaw AND a bootlicker, follow criminal etiquette and you have to eat food. Merch orders are now open, pedis are great without the horny parts, roid rage is not fun and good men still exist, somewhere.. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow...

Doctors can be frustrating, Carolyn’s friends aren’t robots, don’t ignore your ailments and hang with us on discord! Don’t be mean to us, teen years are for making mistakes, Crystal’s cat wants in on the convo and merch is on the way! For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagr...

Unexpected expenses are so rude, exes need to stay away, men still don’t know how to act and RIP MIMI.  Customer service has gone down the toilet, we don’t want new technology, older kids are the pricey ones and we love a good dessert.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Insta...

So many birthdays, there’s guns at school, colonization never stopped and Crystal went thrifting with our patrons. Santana takes all the shine, back to back disgust, a little anal play might be fun and the exes always come back.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.co...

Happy Anniversary HD!!! Don't tell people what you think of their body, praying for Hurricane Milton, and we love a good Freudian slip. Teenagers are not always fun, hold your ankles, Pata Fria has a feminist leg and Oktoberfest is cute. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Inst...

We’re sweating again, Billy had a pet raccoon, Pat’s vagina is causing serious problems and men shouldn’t work in gynecology. Is WW3 upon us, we’re not fighting to survive, Crystal is still talking to strangers and Peez wants long arms.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Inst...

Marcellus Williams shouldn’t have died, deathbed confessions are common, skunks are REEKING havoc and the car problems continue. We’re all tired of gross men, Pata Fria is a vehicular genius, kids driving and humans functioning with exposed brain deserve recognition. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodys...

We’re ALL in trouble, Pata Fria and Carolyn are sisters, cigarettes are Crystal’s love language and dentists are scamming. Everyone’s getting hacked, FB marketplace is addicting, Crystal hates babies and Pat wants to be poly again. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram....

Carolyn has had enough of Crystal, Peez is making great choices, decorating is fun and Stinkers has been having a rough week. Our kids are never moving out, we enjoy being recognized, pay attention to new moles and there’s a video going around that will terrify everyone.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hel...

We saw baby bobcats! don’t discuss dreams till after you eat, RIP Phil Donahue, don’t punish your statues and Pata Fria finally moved. Fully screen anyone around your kids, keep your episodes out of our DM’s, camping was a good time and Peez doesn’t bite her tongue. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysf...

Happy Anniversary to Crystal and Mark!, T needs to leave Crystal alone, be careful who you’re doing favors for and Carolyn wants Jake. Pata Fria is trying new hair colors, Peez is growing up, stop finding creative uses for poop and grind your own meat.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follo...

Pata Fria has a shoulder injury, Crystal can see the notes from her psych evaluation, avoid processed meats and pervs are hiding cameras. Someone sh*t near Pata Fria’s head, finally some great news, the garage sale is Sunday and cottage cheese is currently that girl.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellody...

Pata Fria has different hair, Nyah’s party was a success, Peez is still being Peez and Crystal completed a very important appointment. Pata Fria has been manic and sweaty, Crystal ran into the awesome spouse of a listener, we’ve made some great friends as adults and strangers can be very dangerous.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTu...

We’ve had a rough week. Nyah’s cotillion is coming, Pata Fria played a crazy prank, Carolyn acted a fool in Target and there’s a special use for tape. Kamala is not a good person, justice for Sonya Massey, Pata Fria is collecting garbage and Crystal lives in a spider sanctuary. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.co...

We had some beauty treatments, it’s Jimbo’s birthday, Stinkers might need surgery and our judicial system is a JOKE. Mosquitos are evil, what’s your communion snack, thrifting requires dedication and our presidential process is embarrassing.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG:...

We’re back!! Crystal is feeling better, the hot weather is annoying, Charlene got Carolyn for her retirement gift and books are being enjoyed. Crystal’s adhd screening is moving forward, another garage sale is happening, Pata Fria was able to see her daughter and men are still disgusting. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https:/...

The presidential debate was embarrassing, it’s now illegal to be homeless, happy birthday Bunny and Peez allows Crystal to sing with her. Stevi is truly Crystal’s child, there was almost a tragic accident, exes were hoping Pata Fria got killed and the Bay Area is getting scary again.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://you...

Happy Juneteenth! The episodes are climbing, Pata Fria has mom hair, is praying for a new house and starting sleeping pills. This is a fitness podcast, we love to see people caring for themselves, older kids are HARD and parenting worries never stop. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow u...