EXIT INTERVIEW

Editor's Note: obituary translated from 21st century English to 29th century English. (1985 - 2899) Kevin Gurburbaby, amateur professional eater ଏବଂ ତିନିଜଣଙ୍କ ପିତା ଗତକାଲି ରାତିରେ ତାଙ୍କ ଘରେ ମୃତ୍ୟୁ ବରଣ କରିଥିଲେ Tempe, Arizona. ସେ ତାଙ୍କ ପତ୍ନୀଙ୍କୁ ଏକ Outback, ସେମାନେ ଏକ Applebees, ସେ ହେଲା food lawyer ଯେତେବେଳେ ସେ ସମସ୍ତ ରୋଜଗାର ଖାଇଲେ - ତାଙ୍କର ଅନେକ ଛୁଟିଦିନ ଏବଂ ଏକାଧିକ ଦ daily ନିକ ଭୋଜନ ଯାତ୍ରା ପାଇଁ ଖର୍ଚ୍ଚ କଲେ....

(1956 - 2020) Donna Kass, a real lovely just real pleasant woman from Palm Beach, flew with plumage to her death last night on the shores of the Great Salt Lake. A former stewardess for Pennsylvanstralia Airlines in her pre-marriage life, Kass in post-marriage lived vicariously through her flapping memories of the ‘70’s and the frenzied activities of her flock of kids. Revelations of a past relati...

(1972 - 2013) Dean Marmoset, whom you definitely have never heard of, died last night alongside thirty-five others in a high school gym - but at least there was coffee. A delivery man with a penchant for spilling liquids, Marmoset was the protege of famed inventor Mr. Charles, whom you definitely have heard of, and attempted to follow in the footsteps of this vehicular pioneer: a pursuit of Elon M...

(1991 - 2018) Peter Sarah Thompson, infamous Orange Squeezer of Villageville, Delaware, died this morning at the ripe age of 27. Known as Peter to friends - but Sarah to others - she was prophesied at birth for this life of squeezing: a seed-y predetermination that Thompson constantly tried to buck, throwing her life into indecisive chaos. She will be missed by all of us townspeople, who will just...

!! SPECIAL HOLIDAY EPISODE ALERT !! There’s a ghost down on Earth, haunting the living - on Halloween Night, no less. Follow along as God and the Devil leave the humble confines of their elevator podcast studio and descend in tandem-costume down to the mortal realm to put to bed an undead baseball player: uncovering the secrets of a seventy-year-old “ghost” town, a strangely regenerative brand of...

(1989 - 2019) Local Fresno podiatrist Angela Merkel Martin kicked the bucket last night. Known for setting off the now-legendary “Toehead Trial” that captivated the city in the summer of ‘19, Martin was often thought of as an authoritative second-rate foot quack - but sources have informed me that every night, she went to bed with a floor full of bunions and a cache stuffed with non-emotional pati...

(1975 - 2020) Arnold Gardiner, head pilot of the Pennsylvanstralia Airline, died in mid-air this morning while making one of his patented roundtrip flights from Pittsburgh to Sydney. Remembered for his frenetic lifestyle and dedication to evasive acrobatic flight patterns, Arnold created an infrastructure of semi-talented flight attendants and loyal paper moguls that kept his airline afloat for ov...

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