Dad Starting Over

A guy wrote to me last week with something he says he's never told another human being. Fourteen months without sex. He stopped asking back in February, not as a strategy, just because he got tired of the way she goes still instead of saying no. Then last Tuesday his wife brought up having a third baby. And here's the part he can't say out loud to anybody: when they were trying for their two boys,...

Marni Kinrys has spent more than 23 years coaching men from the female perspective. She's The Wing Girl, and she says something most women won't say on camera: a man who can't stand up for himself, has no opinions, and says "yes dear" to everything doesn't make her feel safe. He makes her angry. We got into why so many men were raised to be that guy. Mom, school teachers, the "don't you dare be li...

A follower — I'll call him Grant — wrote to me three weeks after a coworker handed him her hotel room number on a business trip. He said no. He also told me it took everything he had, and that the number that kept running through his head while he sat on the edge of that hotel bed was eighteen months — as in, eighteen months since his own wife had touched him. Here's the part that makes this diffe...

A follower sent me an email about his divorce. Seventeen years, two kids, final fourteen months ago. He keeps a note on his phone called "What I Did": thirty-one entries, nine years of his own mistakes, and he reads it at night looking for the one that broke his marriage. His question to me: "What else should go on the list? I can take it." In this video I read D's email word for word, and then I...

Stuck in a divorce or custody fight that never seems to end? Brook Olsen has spent 25 years helping parents get out of high-conflict divorces, and his main point is simple: every time you engage, you keep the fight going.   Brook is the founder of the High Conflict Diversion Program and host of the High Conflict Co-Parenting Podcast. He went through a high-conflict divorce himself. We talk about:...

A woman posted that her husband was "visibly and audibly sad" watching her sell off her pre-baby hot girl clothes. She thought it was funny. The internet piled on him for being a pig. Every married man in a dead bedroom read that and felt it in his gut. The woman he married was a sexy, fun, feminine creature. Then the kids came, and that side of her got boxed up and sold on Facebook Marketplace. N...

Why does the passion fade after the wedding, the kids, or perimenopause, and what can you actually do about it? I sit down with Cassie, a pediatric occupational therapist and PhD fellow who teaches child development and attachment theory. She's also a high-libido woman with ADHD, so she knows this from both sides. We get into the brain chemistry behind desire, why "openness" may be the most import...

It's 9:40 at night. You texted her about the weekend. She wrote back one word: "Sure." Three months ago that would have gotten you four paragraphs and a voice memo. Now you're standing in your kitchen with your heart going, and nothing is actually wrong. That's withdrawal. In this video I break down a pairing I see constantly in my inbox: the man with ADHD, whose brain runs on stimulation instead...

You stopped trying. You stopped reaching for her. And instead of the marriage cracking, she got happier. Lighter. Relieved. Just not with you. If your wife seemed to bloom the moment you stopped wanting her, this one's for you, brother. It's not proof you were the problem. It's information. And it points to two roads out. 🔴 FREE: Fix Your Dead Bedroom (Instant PDF Download) https://go.helpformen....

She still sleeps with you… so why do you feel more alone than ever? In this video we go after one of the most damaging traps in a sexless marriage: duty sex, or "pity sex." The flat, going-through-the-motions intimacy a lot of men accept because they tell themselves "at least it's something." Here's the hard truth: that "something" may be doing more damage to your self-esteem than getting nothing...

She told you the experts agree. That the healthiest couples stop having sex. That wanting your own wife makes you the problem. In this video I break down the wellness talking point being used to shut men down in dead bedrooms all over the country, why there's just enough truth in it to make you doubt yourself, and what's actually going on underneath it. Here's the short version: a sexless marriage...

"She's just stressed." The kids, the job, her mom, the move. You've been telling yourself that for seven years. Real stress comes and goes. The deadline passes, the mother-in-law goes home, and the couple that's actually okay finds their way back to each other. If yours survived three jobs, two houses, and one good year, it's not stress anymore. It's the climate. In this video I break down why "sh...

Cassie is back. She's an occupational therapist who works with neurodiverse kids, she lectures at the college level, she'll have her PhD next May, and she has severe lifelong ADHD herself. She doesn't dance around any of it. By my estimate the majority of the men in my community are neurodivergent in one flavor or another. This conversation is about what that actually does to a marriage. We get in...

She didn't say she was tired. She didn't say "not tonight." She said she'd rather end the whole marriage than be physical with you again. And now you can't stop hearing it. In this one I read an email from a man who got hit with that exact line, and I break down what it actually reveals. Not about you. About where things really stand. Because most men take a sentence like that and turn it into a v...

Kate is the admittedly avoidant partner to Tyler Ely, the anxious partner I had on a previous live stream. Tyler read The Dead Bedroom Fix, backed off, and started working on his own security. It helped. We heard his side. This one is hers. Three years ago they sat in therapy and talked about ending it. Today she cancels plans so she can be around him. What she gets into: Why she stopped believing...

She told you she needs to feel "safe" before she can want you again. So you did the logical thing. You got softer. Gentler. More patient. More accommodating. You walked on eggshells and gave her all the space and comfort she asked for. And she wants you even less than before. In this one I break down the therapy-language excuse that has trapped a whole generation of good men, and why "being safe"...

He told himself the same thing for eleven years. Just hold on until the kids are grown, then we'll reconnect. The empty nest came. Nothing changed. In this one I read a real email from a 58-year-old man sitting in a silent house, asking if it's too late and whether he wasted his window. Then I walk through the final talk. When to have it, how to have it from a place of strength, and why "waiting i...

New series, new co-host. Cassie (https://x.com/FutureDrSassy) is an occupational therapist, a researcher, and a certified pelvic floor therapist — and starting now, she and I are going to have the conversations about sex and intimacy that nobody had with any of us growing up. This first one starts where all of it starts: childhood. What you watched your parents do — the hand-holding, the date nigh...

His wife said it five or six times over the course of a year. "If you need it that bad, just go find it somewhere else." He sat her down one night and asked her to confirm it. She did. Twice. A few weeks later he had one phone call with an old friend from college. Ninety minutes. No flirting. Nothing physical. She was going through her own divorce and needed someone to talk to. A few days later, h...

Alison Armstrong has been studying men since 1991, when she caught herself bringing out the worst in them and assuming that's who men really were. Thirty-five years later, she's the author of The Queen's Code, the creator of the Understanding Men and Understanding Women courses, and most of her work is teaching WOMEN to stop emasculating men. This week she sat down with a channel full of guys rebu...

He stopped initiating six months ago. He told himself it was a test. He waited for her to notice. She never did. In this episode I break down what's actually going on when a husband quietly withdraws from his sexless marriage and his wife doesn't react. Spoiler: it's not what most guys think. It's not her being checked out for a week. It's data. And the data is loud. We cover: The quiet test most...

What if she already loves you as much as she is capable of loving anybody? And it's still not enough for you. Not because she's cruel. Not because she's punishing you. Not because there's a switch you haven't found yet. The tank just isn't that big. I had an attachment expert named Cassie on my live stream, and she told me a story I haven't been able to shake. She'd been with an avoidant man who d...

A full hour LIVE with therapist and author Laura How — one of the very few women publicly saying what she says about sexless marriages. So few, in fact, that the wives in her own village have stopped saying hello. We covered a lot of ground: whether you should stay when the in-love feelings fade, why "I fell out of love" is usually an ego defense, what attachment dysfunction actually is (hint: it'...

He came home early from a work trip. Didn't text ahead. Walked in and found out the truth. His wife doesn't have a desire problem. The desire works fine. He's just not part of it. Derek wrote me after sitting in his car for twenty minutes trying to figure out what to do with what he just found out. In this episode I break down what's actually going on — why the vibrator isn't about preference, wha...

Here is a recording of impromptu live stream I recently did. No script, no agenda, just me and the chat. And as usual, the unscheduled ones end up being the best ones. This stream turned into a full clinic on the stuff I hear from men every single day: the guy who told his wife he desired her and got nothing back. The guy 10 years into a sexless marriage who swears he "shouldn't have to" bring it...