Basic Snitches

Chapter 2: The Scar- Snakes gotta eat...just saying...This chapter is no one's favorite. FMK is a tough one. RIP this chapter in the movie. Cat drama, no points, and Bentley is up past his bedtime.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Chapter 1: The Riddle House- We made it to book 4, Snitches! We are back with our usual BS...This book starts in a new location with a bunch of gossip and muggles stuck in the 1800's...Adam teaches us stuff about divination again and Tara is cheating on Basic Snitches with a new podcast (Podcast in Death- check it out... especially if you are a fan of JD Robb/N...

Please enjoy listening to us laugh at ourselves for 50 plus minutes... Featuring Steven Ostertag and Brian O. Jackson. WARNING: Volume fluctuates

Book 3 Wrap-Up: We did it! We finished Prisoner of Azkaban! Get ready for us to read all of Ashley's FMK responses and for us to continue harassing you all to send us gifts or just give us feedback ;) Also, Adam loves Dora the Explorer. We're taking a short break soon but don't worry- we'll be dropping an extra special episode next week, so stay tuned!

Chapter 22: Owl Post Again- Pause for cookie. Welcome to the final chapter of book 3. Adam has a new cat. He also has a REALLY convincing Tara accent. Also, Brian O. Jackson is back on this episode to read Adam’s thing (and drink wine)- THANKS BRIAN! He also joins for FMK! The Snitches got him drunk!!! Snape is a child. 

Chapter 21: Hermione's Secret- We are so excited to welcome back Brian O. Jackson (previously heard on our special PUFFS episode)! Chocolate is always enough, Harry IS Daddy and Fudge is rude. Sex- that's what Hogwarts is all about.

Chapter 20: The Dementor's Kiss- Sheets with holes are the WORST! Good try by the good guys to get everyone to safety, but this is Harry Potter and we still have 2 chapters left...also, the secret to our success is recording this podcast in the nude.

Chapter 19: The Servant of Lord Voldemort- Shortest intro ever...we are SIRIUS about getting down the business!!! So, how do you actually pronounce animagus? So, Snape is a drama queen, in case we needed reminding...oh, and the weirdest FMK ever is coming at you this episode. Closing music is "Hermione Granger's Not a Transphobe" by Kathryn Hoss- featured on her EP Progress Pride and her album Huf...

Chapter 18: Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs- This episode brought to you by an unhealthy love of cheese dip, lots of wine and no less than 3 false endings...did you know Adam was voted most dramatic in his high school class? Tara? Umm..most, uh, potato? FMK forces us to make hard decisions... oh, and yes, our Mexican food was delicious, thank you.

Chapter 17: Cat, Rat, and Dog- Adam and Tara are together again ❤️ Tara is working on her Adam voice and Tara has written the longest chapter summary of her life. Scabbers is rude and the whomping willow has had ENOUGH.

Chapter 16: Professor Trelawney's Prediction- Once again, Tara and Adam request gifts in the form of alcohol...but since Tara is the fan favorite, just send it all to her. In this chapter- exams, more BA Hermione, the return of the invisibility cloak, shenanigans, and some old guys.

Chapter 15: The Quidditch Final- Happy 73rd birthday to Tara! This chapter has SPORTS in it! You know what that means? Bias and cheating. Awesome. Also, GO HERMIONE!!!

Chapter 14: Snape's Grudge- This is a rough chapter for Harry. Also, Snape sucks, which Tara may mention a few times. Send rum to Adam please.

Chapter 13: Gryffindor Versus Ravenclaw- In which we discuss the fact that Gryffindor is clearly the party house, contemplate where the teachers sleep and Adam reminisces over his years as an RA. Also, broomsticks are mentioned. A few times.

Chapter 12: The Patronus- Adam's patronus is a BIRD! Also, Tara can no longer speak words and, as always, Lupin is the best.

Chapter 11: The Firebolt- OUR 50TH EPISODE! AWWW YISSSSSS! BASIC SNITCHES FOREVER! Official tagline (for this episode at least): Whatever comes out of my mouth comes out of my mouth. Classy. Also, Adam is tall(er than Tara). 

Chapter 10: The Marauder's Map- Berkeley refuses a guest star offer, Adam loves cows, 10 points to Zencastr and the teachers at Hogwarts continue to be irresponsible. Also, Tara still has her email address from 1997 because why not?

Chapter 9: Grim Defeat- As always, Adam starts recording when nobody is ready...Tara has new toys...awww yissssss!!! And by new toys, we mean an actual microphone for recording remotely. Anyways, this chapter has a lame sleepover (seriously, it's really not fun at all) and teachers who don't understand how to be responsible adults....just another lovely Halloween at Hogwarts!

Chapter 8: Flight of the Fat Lady-Wine is Tara's worst enemy while attempting to read Adam's chapter summary. Quidditch makes no since. Still. Madam Pince needs to GET IT TOGETHER. The adults are a mess in this book. Seriously. THANK GOD FOR LUPIN. "Fear is wisdom in the face of danger."-Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat

Chapter 7: The Boggart in the Wardrobe

Chapter 6: Talons and Tea Leaves- Tara has had a bottle of wine and Adam is coming for Trelawny... everyone will be hearing the sound of a cork popping long after the episode ends...

Chapter 5: The Dementor- (Or, Sheets with teeth) Stuff happens in this chapter...most importantly- TIME TO MEET LUPIN!! So we're on the train to Hogwarts finally... except instead of joyous teenager goofing off, we get a nightmare...so that's fun. Also, why is nobody using "lumos"?

Chapter 4: The Leaky Cauldron- WE. ARE. BACK! And we had WINE! Adam learns that poop is an important part of divination... It's an even episode, everything is funny and how do we get one of those rabbits that can turn into a hat? (Does anyone still wear a hat?)

Chapter 3: The Knight Bus- Everything is weird right now. FMK ends poorly for Stan...but for SHAN, it's not so bad...Tara steals jokes from Puffs (but really, who ISN'T making Sirius/Serious jokes?!?!). Something is on fire somewhere.

Chapter 2: Aunt Marge's Big Mistake- Wine has been consumed and we're back on our bullshit once again...hating on Marge Dursley because, well... because she is TERRIBLE. Also we talk about names a lot because we think we're interesting...and Tara is still somehow a potato.