Audiobooks

The schizoid A couple of chapters from a story made in my head and instantaneously narrated straight onto the mobile phone as I was in fantasy hence why in places it feels a little ragged and unrehearsed in places .Now I know how musicians feel when they have a go at freestyle improvisation straight from the subconscious mind to speech or song.

A short story based on real-life events: When I first traveled abroad to France, we lived like tramps on the streets, washing in fountains and stealing food from shops as vagrants and vagabonds. However, someone came up with a great idea of putting together the "Tramps Brigade" who lived in the swamp in Cap d'Agde. The next thing we knew, we were all assigned duties and discipline.

A short story I wrote this morning about a night out with God children where a confetti cannon was fired off and all of its contents I quickly stuffed down my trousers, then when I went to the toilet twenty minutes later I'd forgotten about the confetti which tumbled out into the urinal the man next to me asked if I'd been fornicating with a clown.

I wrote and recorded a short sketch this morning. It's about my milky white male friends who are quite terrified of their wives. Our Saturday quiz is usually when we men huddle together and complain about them and the street, yet we're quite fearful of these power-crazy wives, all of whom have top jobs and wear jack boots.

A story I wrote a long time ago. It's based on the ex-convicts who were working on a hop farm in Kent. The girls were rough diamonds from the Bow Bells, and they seemed to swear every other word; the whole conversation seemed so cruel and corse almost callous which was filled with expletives. The only man working with them for the harvest was Paul, a terrified toff, an ex-barrister from the London...

The ghost in our mortal machine is like a spiritual symbiotic twin that collaborative companion that shares our secular sin so silently from within accompanying us from a womb to the tomb an then ultimately giving evidence at our final doom . software one day maybe so sensitive and bio hybridized to our DNA that it could just become our very own soul cage I almost feel as though my computer tech i...

A short story I wrote about a friend of mine who seems to take his fads and fetish to such an extreme that they almost become a religion similar to his father who also has this similar trait where everything has to be taken to the point of extremism or in there own words perfectionism . I don't know what is happening to our society at the moment it seems to be splintering into a strange almost fra...

A short story about the crazy maniacs who i shared space and spilt blood with me , you should never really put three bisexuals and an asexual under one roof especially if one pushes everyone to the limit of their patience .

A short story about two old men who turn up on a blind date the two girls turned out to be the fluffers for a famous reality TV show and it was their job to make the model or manikin fit the mold its based on a real Ife experience at the notorious den of iniquity the Harrogate arms.

Written for a crazy friend of mine who's many conversions over the years have driven me crazy however his ever changing gender and religion dose keep things interesting similar to my mother he has a different diet dress and deity his latest combination did court controversy.

A short story based on true life events of when I took a job working on a holiday camp in the south of France the antics the people got up to were crazy two hundred Australians all of whom loved drink totally out of control causing madness and mayhem the poor boss that was in charge of security use to read the diary each day and call a meeting to discuss the previous nights disasters of which ther...

"Doubtful Crumbs" depicting two dogs awaiting crumbs that fall from a rich man's table. This short story is a comedic sketch that I wrote after listening to a friend of mine talking about his obsession with crumbs. I thought of the passage in the Bible, "The Rich Man's Table" (Luke 16:19-21). Maybe the Bible is correct – power of any sort corrupts a person's sense of morality, which lessens as the...

A little story I wrote about my grandfather who was notorious gambler and lost a fortune on horses dogs cards basically he gambled on everything bringing the family to almost ruination .

If your partner starts wearing black leather and reading Mein Kampt or  Le Marquis De Sade order yourself a stab proof vest before they finally get to Friedrich Nietzsche then try to kill you. Written for that chain smoking dipsomaniac girl who I will love till I die even though she nearly killed me to the bisexual bulimic catastrophe love always S XXX

A crazy sketch about the three minuters club and their bizarre antics, it is loosely based on true life events.

A twenty minute teaser about a council meeting which at times becomes a circumlocution of words and ideas where massive amounts of money are spent on crazy schemes that never ever leave the council building.

A short story I wrote after listening to two old geezers talking about their wives on the train or should I say one talking to the other about his wife he called her the iron maiden it reminded me of Alf garnet in Till Death Do Us Part.

A real life short story involving a ginger tom cat and a black Tom cat .

A humorous take on the Eden project. The building blocks of life are made from nucleic acids , Lysergic acid has also been around since the dawn of time doubtless it would have been eaten by our early primate mammalian species increasing hallucinogenic and conscious brain capability hence where the homo sapiens may have got their jump start on the evolutionary ladder the human is now beginning to...

A short story based on real life events of a person who possessed a brilliant brain with terrifying intellect but unfortunately for him it was broken beyond repair the final macabre twist reveals all .

A short story about how an android of the future start to become obsessed with capturing the Humans soul .

A short story loosely based upon my parents contempt for each other even after their divorce, one being a bombastic BBC with the soul of queen Boudicca and the other a drink dependant dipsomaniac .

This is the first three chapters of a story I wrote about about a greedy egotistical businessman who for four decades he and his partner had built up a massive corperation in Sheffield the east end was their manor the were major players untill one of the partners decided to leave his wife for a young girl that is when his wife brought both of them crashing down , she ended up owning everything. Th...

This is a short sketch which I put together straight out of my head in an add lib one take without any rehearsal. After trying out a new electric car I can say its one of the most nerve racking experiences I've had recently they're not for the faint hearted you spend your time trying to find charge points where you bump into the most geekish freakish people who seem to all have high powered jobs w...

The big bang is a short story I wrote about the wine soiree that took place in a very milky middle class District of Harrogate , with a soon tobe sommelier and a selection of Christian friends who once they'd had sufficient drink began to diverge towards their deviants that really they should have left caged in their craniums .