Identity Matters

I lied to everyone, and it felt good. Not the lying, but what came after. I told them I'd taken a job in Colorado for two and a half months and had to leave in five days. The thing is, everyone would have given me their blessing if I'd just asked. In this episode, I read a raw piece of writing about my mom, and explain what I was really trying to hold onto. She told me more than once that I was pu...

Awakening is a word a lot of people shy away from before they've looked at what it actually means. The beliefs you had at five aren't the beliefs you have now. The body isn't the same, the circumstances aren't the same, the stories aren't the same. When you go looking for the solid, consistent self underneath all that changing, you can't actually find one. But something has been there the whole ti...

From the outside, the two things can look identical. You can go on the same walk, eat the same vegetables, do the same yoga, and have a completely different thing happening underneath. There's a version of taking care of yourself that comes from delight, and a version that comes from gripping, where every meal is an act of warfare against decline. Your body knows the difference even when you don't...

Most of what we call suffering comes down to one thing, and it isn't complicated. Believing you're worthy and actually living as that are two completely different lives. You can hold the belief and still perform for approval every day, still white-knuckle your way through every conversation that matters. Belief lives in your head. The other thing comes from somewhere else. In this episode, I name...

The anger left, and I never actually forgave anyone. Someone I trusted made an error that cost me, then turned it around to look like my fault. I was furious for about a week. Then things settled, even though I wasn't doing anything to settle them. In this episode, I look at what happened instead of forgiveness, and why that distinction matters more than I expected. You can fight with reality, but...

Something in you is already holding what you're in the middle of. The surface of the ocean can be all whitecaps and wind while the water just below was never disturbed. The sky can hold a hurricane and still be nothing but sky. In this episode, I look at how easily this stays an idea, and what it's like when it stops being one. You don't have to fix the storm to find the sky. I'm offering a free 2...

Some of the biggest turns in life never feel like decisions at all. I've come to see that the anxious voice with all its “what-ifs” doesn't go quiet just because clarity has arrived, and it doesn't have to. That voice can be fully present, listing every reason to slow down, and still not be the one driving. We get stuck because we assume that if it's talking, it must be in charge, so we try to win...

Some of us are gripping something that was never actually connected to where we're going. I've come to see that certainty isn't something we misplaced, but rather, it was never on offer. Certainty is a feeling, safety is a condition, and you can chase the first forever without landing the second. Underneath the over-planning and over-managing is a quiet belief that if you turn the wheel exactly ri...

What if the tension you feel between wanting and allowing isn’t a problem to solve? In this episode, I explore why these aren’t true opposites, but rather two ways that life moves through us, like different doors that lead to the same room. We talk about the quiet freedom of letting yourself want what you want, without clinging to it, and the surprising ease that comes from releasing the need to p...

After 39 years as a doctor, and the last 4 years that I’ve been coaching, I realized my worth had been shaped by how much I produced and how many people I helped. Retiring from acupuncture in February, pausing coaching in June, and grieving my mom’s death in March has felt like multiple layers of identity collapsing at once. I’m discovering that presence brings more meaning, connection, and satisf...

My friend and colleague Dr. Sara Joy O’Neill joins us this week to explore ordinary miracles, freedom, and how we shape our lived reality from the inside out. She describes how questioning what seems fixed can create dramatic change, including her unbelievable recovery from a severe brain injury which had many symptoms and incorrect diagnoses. We also talk about her son’s current hospitalization f...

This week I’m reflecting on how I still catch myself softening my words, reading reactions, and performing a more agreeable version of myself. It’s something I’ve seen in many women over decades of clinical work. This isn’t a personal flaw, but a lifelong skill reinforced by messages to keep the peace, not be “too much,” and avoid making waves, especially as many of us feel exhausted by years of p...

Most of us rush to name, fix, explain, or act on feelings, when the best thing to do is to sit with the raw sensation. We have an innate inner wisdom that already knows what a feeling is asking for: sometimes to investigate it, sometimes to fully feel it in the body without story, and sometimes to genuinely redirect attention to avoid unnecessary suffering without denial. In this episode, I distin...

Kristy Halvorsen joins me today to talk about the major identity shifts she’s undergone through the death of her mother in January, a “bell curve” of grief that peaked months later, and layered losses including family connection and a romantic relationship. Kristy shares how nine years of full-time nomadic travel may soon shift into putting down roots as she helps build a regenerative educational...

In this episode, I share a recent conversation with a coach friend that revealed how much pressure I can feel to produce a polished “purpose” statement on demand. As I rambled through an answer, I noticed an underlying urge to “get it right” and perform something profound, which is the same struggle I often hear from clients—especially women in life transitions—who believe they must define a purpo...

In this episode, I reflect on grief, love, and the unexpected ways that loss continues to surface in everyday life. From my wedding anniversary and a Father’s Day lunch to memories of my late husband and mother, I explore how grief and love often arrive together. I also share a vulnerable realization about receiving generosity, bracing for disappointment, and choosing to keep my heart open anyway....

For 18 months, I walked past a silent reminder of one “simple” household task that I couldn’t seem to do. It came to represent the fear of making a mistake, the shame of admitting how long I’d avoided the situation, and a quieter grief that made ordinary tasks feel heavier when I’m the only one carrying them. Then I noticed the real trap: the way I was weaponizing an undone task into evidence of p...

There’s something that really gets under my skin... When a client sits across from me and says, “I’m just a procrastinator.” In this episode, I challenge the idea that procrastination is a fixed identity or diagnosis. The truth is that it’s just you avoiding a feeling. I talk about the moments when I have the information I need, but keep delaying with logistical stories like needing more research...

There’s a kind of mind-created “crazy thinking” that can wake us up in the middle of the night and grab our full attention. There’s three common patterns I’ve noticed in myself and others: the to-do list , the emotional replay, and scanning for threats. Today, I connect these patterns to personas we identify with (like being the organized, sensitive, or responsible one) and explain that these cons...

In this episode, I share a major insight about the deep mental, emotional, and spiritual fatigue I’ve been feeling for months, beyond any physiological issues like adrenal exhaustion. After my mom’s death two months ago (and years of living in a “helper” identity that kept me on the giving end), I realized my giving and receiving feel imbalanced. Now, I’m choosing a true sabbatical from the giver...

You can have the exact same symptom in two different situations, but experience it differently depending on what your mind is doing. I was recently lying in bed with my thoughts spiraling. I could feel my heart pounding. Then, after getting up the next morning and going to a meditation, my heart completely calmed down. This shift wasn’t because the symptom disappeared, but because my thinking shif...

Anxiety doesn’t define who you are and it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It’s okay to have sensations or thoughts that trigger it. Like weather, anxiety can move, shift, change, and clear on its own, and you don’t have to become a different person for that to happen. In this episode, I’ll also emphasize that I’m not dismissing what I’m feeling in moments of anxiety and neither should yo...

I’ve noticed I have a tendency to perform, defend my perspective, and over-explain in an effort to “get it right” and do no harm. I reflect in this episode on how this protective persona traces back to my childhood “good girl” identity—striving for perfection, avoiding being wrong, and seeking safety through approval—and how exhausting that management feels. I explore how explaining can be a way o...

Amy is someone I’ve worked with since 2019 through functional medicine for her diabetes and one-on-one coaching. Our work together has shifted her from self-criticism, stress, and worry about others’ judgments, to seeing thoughts as just thoughts, not verdicts, which has changed how she handles intense work pressure and deadlines. In this episode, we explore the inside-out nature of experience, li...

Why do dreams and creative ideas get deferred? I’m exploring this question today, using my own experience of waiting four and a half years to launch this podcast due to timing and perfectionism. I share how I impulsively joined a mastermind just to be around creative people, noticed imposter thoughts, and then unexpectedly received a clear book outline, which tempted me to turn it into an entrepre...