That Checks Out

The guys discuss what might be the world’s most dangerous apple tree, how many pool balls you can ingest and NOT clog the toilet, and why filling all the holes of your marriage with a donut means you must close up shop for at least one hour a day. 

The guys discuss why you should always secure all penguins pre-flight, when changing altitudes all but guarantees a victory in bear racing,  and how keeping your eggs and car keys in the same pocket of your wetsuit is a huge mistake.

The guys discuss how staying in one room can greatly improve your memory, when a request for unwashed flatulence will result in fornication, and why most Egyptian tombs smell like Chicago style hotdogs. 

The guys discuss why alliteration was absolutely imperative during 18th century sexting, when an ear-piercing Hawk on a minibike is your best chance at exoneration, and how 4 1/2lbs of corned beef and several potatoes instantly becomes a single serving if not labeled properly. 

The guys discuss why insufficient adult relations can make for very stale sandwiches, when nailing down a toilet can save you approximately $6,000,000, and how orally inspecting orangutans can eliminate the need to change the locks. 

The guys discuss how surviving a barrel plunge does not make you impervious to the power of citrus, when a stereotypical look guarantees you a full climax at the end of the rainbow, and why it is always better to encounter a single shark than a pod of dolphins. 

The guys discuss why having multiple snacks straddle your lap is no longer an issue, how Damon will definitely injure his hands attending German operas, and what are the only two acceptable instances to acknowledge a “final notice” warning. 

The guys discuss what might possibly be the most disturbing way to “capture” a new roommate, when a perfectly arranged bedroom can guarantee foreign relations every night, and how the ending to every high speed chase in Germany may or may not result in a pant-less driver. 

The guys discuss why wearing two flashlights when jogging makes you more likely to be hit by a car, when an extra “I” can save you $13,000,000, and how a bronze penguin pecker doesn’t necessarily fit the decor of every room. 

The guys discuss why Italian vampires constantly over season their marinara, when five cents worth of banana will literally double your dessert profits, and how Persian Pizza is the only acceptable pre-war meal for the warrior not counting calories. 

The guys discuss why you should NEVER share a communion wafer with Damon, when achieving proper feng shui requires placing the TC directly in the crevice, and how easily badgers can fill up when devouring an impressive hog. 

The guys discuss how a renaissance man could knock a soldier off a horse at 100 yards without using an arrow, why a ménage a trios with a Sasquatch will cost you your alimony, and when a 6 year old “farmer” cancelled Valentine’s Day for the entire school. 

The guys discuss why you have to set your manager down to make eggs above Niagara Falls, when a sarcastically smiling moon only adds humor to an otherwise indescribable morning, and how there’s no copay for at home dentistry. 

The guys discuss how Polish anti-tank mines no longer come with directions, why even with Damon’s relentless questioning of the male anatomy he still cannot comprehend Bandaid wrappers, and when tranquilizing is NOT the worst thing you can do to an alligator. 

The guys discuss how it’s just proper etiquette (and an excellent fighting strategy) to apologize prior to punching your wife in the knees and taking her sack of rocks, when being a whore can save you a trip to the grocery store, and why choosing the correct bathing suit is imperative when pulling 9Gs to keep all your teeth.

The guys discuss how garlic butter without mushrooms is not enough to justify homicide, why it’s necessary for goat costumes to be made of Kevlar during outdoor sexy time, and when Damon’s face nestled securely in your bosom is the key to safe travel. 

The guys discuss how whale milk can lead to a beautiful smile, when impersonating a ghost only delays the rescue mission, and why Damon believes voluntarily remaining poor the rest of his life is in his breast interest. 

This is an episode of enlightenment for the guys as Ted discovers he’s going to be a father again, Damon discovers previously unexplored visual equipment,  and Mac discovers Chuck AND Zack are indeed the very same person. 

The discuss how long is “too long” to leave your baby unattended in a gas station freezer, when your van’s paint job is totally irrelevant once the mattress is both greasy AND wet, and why a Chinese person apparently wouldn’t name their fish Todd. 

The guys discuss why it’s always best to survey the husband after vacations to avoid negative feedback, how giving your heart is no longer the absolute best way to show your commitment to a relationship, and where you can take Damon for an entire weekend to roam amongst the people completely unfiltered. 

The guys discuss what is quite possibly the best way to compliment strangers at the beach, how Belgian sand is apparently so much easier on flip flops, and why Damon believes the internet consists only of emails from his wife. 

The guys discuss why a single Danish covered in cinnamon isn’t always necessarily delicious, how an adolescent chimney sweep can commandeer royal undies, and when a “take home” squad car is a prerequisite for employment. 

The guys discuss why you’ll never see an orangutan cashing his paycheck, how lanyard usage actually defines your very existence, and when the cleanliness of a wall cleaned by a one gloved individual assures you’ll be having the lasagna. 

The guys discuss why it’s extremely dangerous to have a mole on your face in an Amsterdam airport, when helping to keep someone’s tortoise dry can be very lucrative, and how catastrophic it is to be mildly deaf with a lack of friends at an air show. 

The guys discuss how military grade clean sidewalks could be banned in this country at any time, how it only took 7” for an Indian man to capture a world record, and why towing cars and preventing stab wounds to the groin are most important when choosing the proper pants.