Advice Fight

TODAY'S QUESTION: Hello Boys (with a “Z”)!  Long time writer, first time listener. My partner with whom I am in a serious relationship, has asked me to move in with him. This is a move towards us getting married. Here is my dilemma, he is a widower and still has pictures of his first wife up in the house. This isn’t strange since his adult kids come over frequently. Now, I don’t want to be an...

TODAY'S QUESTION Dearest docs, With the biggest c*cks, May i slide my question in your collective Advice box? My partner and I, Falling into the starving artists troupe, my partner working as an aspiring business owner/artist, Me working at a coffee shop and supplementing income performing music at bars and markets, we occasionally will make adult content for a few discreet clients to help make en...

TODAY'S QUESTION: Dear Ben, Andrew, and Adam, Squirrels keep stealing tomatoes from my garden. I've tried nets, metal screens, chili powder. A motion-activated noise thingy. Nothing works. I need some fresh ideas. Please help! Hugs and kisses, Mater Gator LINKS ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠See the Grawlix live at the Bug Theatre on Saturday, November 29th with Troy Walker and Jordan Doll!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠...

TODAY'S QUESTION Long time listener, first time writer. How can I pick up a guy at the pickleball courts? (Or anywhere out in the wild for that matter?) I grew up in the 80s/90s where no one was teaching us ladies how to pick up men... How do I tell who's single? Who's interested? How do I let it be known that I'm single? Do guys want to be hit on?... Is that a turn off? I would love to find someo...

TODAY'S QUESTION: Dearest GrawDogs,  I moved to Denver in 2011 (it seems like Producer Ron™ loves your Denver-specific riffs, so I’ll just mention that my first apartment was at 13th & Grant, across from City O’ and the original Quiznos, that I believe is now a hair salon or something).   Anyway, moving here was the first time I left home, and for the last 15 years I have enjoyed bl...

TODAY'S QUESTION: Gentlemen Fighters, My family and I are having a challenging time out here in the burbs of Denver. For the past 2 years we have had fairly consistent ding-dong ditches at our house between 8 and 10pm. It would only be a minor annoyance if not for the devastating effects on our household.  Of note: 1- our neurotic shepherd dog. We had to put this dog on prozac earlier this ye...

TODAY'S QUESTION: Me and 4 of my great friends all have mothers or mothers-in-law named "Barb." Please let us know the best way to commemorate our friendship with your best Barb-forward idea. Thank you!  --Kyle LINKS ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠See the Grawlix live at the Bug Theatre on Saturday, September 26th with Dave Ross and Chris Walsh!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow us for show dates and more: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠...

TODAY'S QUESTION: To my favorite trio of advice professionals, I have been with my wife for ten years and married for six years. I love her dearly and try to make sure I always have her back. She is smart, talented, and supportive. She also believes she was put on this planet to help and heal people. One of the many things I love that about her. The problem is, her version of healing relates less...

TODAY'S QUESTION: Dearest Ben and remaining two talentless dinks, I am seeking advice that is of the utmost importance. I am known about my city as a scorching hot standup comedian with accolades galore, as well as a gifted actor and scribe, worthy of all the awards that Hollywood can bestow, if the godless bastard gatekeepers would take the time to notice me. But, my career has been stunted by my...

TODAY'S QUESTION: Greetings esteemed fighters, I'm a 29 year old woman living in the big city for the first time. I've been so lucky to meet a lot of wonderful people, and in embracing the queer community here I've really had the chance to learn about myself. Me and my partner are polyamorous and have been since before we met each other. I have another friend who we will call C who is also a...

TODAY'S QUESTION: Dear two stupid idiots, I am late for everything. It doesn't matter how much I prepare or how I schedule my day, I am just late for everything. It drives me crazy and it drives everyone else crazy also. How can I stop being late? Signed, The best person in this group, me LINKS ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠See the Grawlix live at the Bug Theatre on Saturday, September 26th with Dave Ross and Chris Wals...

TODAY'S QUESTION Dearest boys, I love you and appreciate you equally. I am seeking advice as how I might get Adam to forgive me. My mother and I were at Mississippi Studios in Portland to see Adam. She and I are having difficulties, both individually and congruently. We were talking and it was offensive. I am not arguing the facts. I am sorry and I will understand if this is the end for us, A...

TODAY'S QUESTION: Dear the grawlix my dad is a big fan I'm a freshman in high school and going on my first date I said I would cook dinner but don't actually know how to cook lol  help please LINKS ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠See the Grawlix live at the Bug Theatre on Saturday, September 26th with Dave Ross and Chris Walsh!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow us for show dates and more: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠...

TODAY'S QUESTION: Hi Fellas, My group of friends from high school wanted to rent a house for a week by a lake and relive our glory days. I was the most enthusiastic when planning started and said I would be there the whole week. Now the house is rented and it’s a 2.5 hour drive. I have a job currently and already took the vacation block for the whole week. I have been applying for better jobs...

What to do when you discover your partner’s secret Instagram account.  TODAY'S QUESTION: Dear Ben, Andrew, and Adam, You know how Instagram recommends new people to follow? Well it just recommended my boyfriend's secret Insta account. That's how I found out he's been cheating on me. He told me he was working a part-time job at night. We're on a lease together. He doesn't know that I know and I can...

TODAY'S QUESTION: Dear esteemed Grawlix bois, My almost 2-year-old nephew is obsessed with his Fox-News-loving grandpa (my dad). As the radical leftist auntie, this really grinds my gears. I go to great lengths to win him over every time I see him, but no matter what I do, he constantly demands that I take him to "papa." What can I do to win over my nephew for good and prevent him from turning int...

TODAY'S QUESTION Dear Grawlix,I'm hoping you can give me some advice.  My wife and I are in our early to mid 40s, and over the last 1 to 2 years,  my wife's libido has gone through the roof.  Recently, she wants to get spanked, engage in dirty talk and wants me to objectify her.  While it isn't really my thing, I am not opposed to trying these things for her.  However, I am a bit out of my element...

TODAY'S QUESTION Hey guys, Big fan but never thought I'd need advice. I just found out that my cousin is divorcing her husband. He's my best friend. I introduced them. I was the best man at their wedding, we hang out all the time, his family and our family is tight, I love them both a bunch. Now they're splitting up and my cousin won't say why. What the hell do I do?  Darius (no my real name, my c...

In honor of Adam's birthday, we're addressing this ridiculous question. TODAY'S QUESTION Dear Handsome Doctors: I listen to a podcast every week that I really love. It has 3 really funny and insightful people, but lately I seem to like one of them more. His level of strategic thinking and commitment to psychotic takes is making him dangerously close to becoming my favourite.  I don't want to lose...

TODAY'S QUESTION: G-Men, After years of artful avoidance, I ran into my next-door neighbor in the alley, and he introduced himself. This neighbor — I’ll call him “Handyman Ron” here — now waves at me every single time I see him, and it’s become something of a daily obligation to wave back. What can I do to convince him that I am a sociopath so that he never waves - or makes eye contact with me - e...

Who to choose when your friends get divorced.  TODAY'S QUESTION: Dear Talktors, here is my dilemma. My wife and I are very close friends with a couple who just recently got divorced. We love both parties, but they do not care to be near one another. We love to go out dancing, and these two were always down to join us. However, since they are no longer together, neither of them want to go dancing,...

We slip and slide into the infamous subreddit "Am I The Asshole?" to issue some guerrilla advice. LINKS ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠See the Grawlix live at the Bug Theatre on Saturday, May 30th with Zach Peterson, Laura Peek, and Leah Althoff!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow us for show dates and more: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Adam Cayton-Holland⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠...

How to induce a midlife crisis. TODAY'S QUESTION: Hi Grawlix, I am turning 40 this summer. I live a rather comfortable life. Steady job, loving wife, and two great kids. That said, something has to give, right? I am the kind of guy who likes to get out ahead of things and want to take on my mid-life crisis on MY OWN TERMS. So, my questions is, "How do I induce my own mid-life crisis?" To be clear,...

TODAY'S QUESTION: Boyz, I smoke too much weed, totally in secret. My family doesn't know, my job doesn't know, even my friends don't really know. People say it's not addictive but I am def addicted. I'm not unhappy (maybe cuz weed). It's my anti-depressant and my social helper and the only thing that shuts off the bad stuff in my brain. But the secret is hard to maintain and I feel really guilty a...

How to get revenge when you get laid off. TODAY'S QUESTION: Letter time! I need the help of the learn-ed boiz Fairbell, Shoemaker, & Payton. Long story short: I’m a middle school librarian at a small public school here in Colorado. I work my ass off and do everything I can to support all the students and staff. For the 4th time in my 16 years as an educator, my position got cut because of district...