Your Stupid Minds

Your Stupid Minds continues its ad hoc Worst of 2019 series with a big budget adaptation of a book that was not nearly as best-selling as the book: The Goldfinch ! Starring a bevy of hot young male actors with incredibly silly names. Theo Decker (Oakes Fegley) is a boy who is a victim in a terrorist attack targeting New York's Metropolitan Museum of Art. His mother is killed in the blast and he go...

Your Stupid Minds continues its Worst of 2019 mini theme with a film that technically didn't come out in 2019 (December of 2018) but also didn't really come out anywhere, really. Nicolas Cage stars as another character named Joe in Maria Pulera's ghostly thriller dark comedy drama horror film Between Worlds . Joe (Cage) is a widower Alabama truck driver whose wife and five-year-old daughter died t...

Your Stupid Minds enters the world of Baker Dill as part of its ad hoc Worst of 2019 series with the flop Serenity . Don't worry nerds! We're reviewing the other movie named Serenity that was a big flop. The one about fishing and step-dad revenge. Not Joss Whedon's space opera. Baker Dill (Matthew McConaughey) is an island fisherman trying to catch a giant tuna named Justice. His high school sweet...

In honor of our one-off mention of the scene where a man throws a dog in the ocean, Your Stupid Minds reviews Hulk Hogan's Mr. Nanny ! Sean Armstrong (Hogan, credited as Terry "Hulk" Hogan, which is still not his real name) is a down-and-out wrestler whose manager Burt (Sherman Hemsley) gets him a job as a bodyguard. It turns out Armstrong will oversee two psychotic children for Alex Mason (Austin...

Apropos of nothing, Your Stupid Minds reviews 1994's Streets of Rage , a vanity project written, produced, and starring wrestler Mimi Lesseos. Melody Sails (Lesseos) is a former special forces badass and aspiring journalist. After talking to some homeless children in the slums of Los Angeles, she uncovers a pattern of child murder which ties back to evil British pimp Lunar (Oliver Page). Melody al...

Your Stupid Minds reviews Sniper: Special Ops based solely on its horrific Photoshop Frankenstein DVD cover. And Steven Seagal is in it. Jake (Seagal) is a 65-year-old elite Army sniper on a mission in Afghanistan (which has geography that in no way resembles Southern California) to save a kidnapped congressman. The squad leader Vic (Tim Abell) is also present, along with Vasquez, (wrestler Rob Va...

Your Stupid Minds enters 2020 with one of the worst of 2019: the John Travolta starring, Fred Durst directed movie out of time The Fanatic . Moose (Travolta) is a Los Angeles resident obsessed with the past-his-prime action star Hunter Dunbar (Devon Sawa). He gets access to a premiere party only to discover he isn't there. After multiple attempts to make contact, his friend Leah (Ana Golja) points...

Your Stupid Minds celebrates the holiday season, nutcrackers, Lifetime movies, and incest-based coffee commercials with our latest episode of 2018's A Very Nutty Christmas ! Kate Holiday (Melissa Joan Hart) is a woman who doesn't dislike Christmas but is generally stressed out by it. She's a baker and has to bake a lot of cookies for the holidays. After her actor/Santa boyfriend Mark (Ryan Caltagi...

Special guest Adam Pecht returns to Your Stupid Minds to cover another poorly thought out and shoddily made horror film: 1990's Demon Wind ! Cory (Eric Larson) and his girlfriend Elaine (Francine Lapensée) visit the beautiful Napa Valley. The recent suicide of Cory's father compels him to visit his family's old home. He assembles ten of his closest friends to help with the investigation, including...

Your Stupid Minds dips into a movie too tawdry for children and too stupid for adults: 1994's Milk Money . A trio of 11-year-old boys saves up to purchase the services of a sex worker so they can see her naked (which is probably what they think sex is). When V (Melanie Griffith), a prostitute in the big city, agrees, circumstances bring her to their bucolic suburb where she lives in one of the boy...

In honor of the (now not so recently) late legend Rutger Hauer, Your Stupid Minds covers one of our favorite Hauer films. No, not Blade Runner.  Come on. You know what kind of podcast this is. It's 1989's Blind Fury ! Nick Parker (Hauer) is an American solider in Vietnam blinded by Viet Cong shrapnel. He's taken in by local villagers and taught the ways of the sword through elaborate bullying and...

After a thorough and inefficient search of the Amazon Prime streaming options, Your Stupid Minds settles on the most ridiculously titled '90s direct-to-video release in its general eyeshot: 1996's Kid Cop ! A kid cop (Jer Adrianne Lelliott) insists on being a kid cop after his adult cop dad is killed in the line of duty. His mother (Alexandra Paul) is concerned, but somewhat relieved that Kid Cop...

Your Stupid Minds reviews a classic of the gym-based '80s slasher genre, Killer Workout , also known as Aerobi-cide . An up-and-coming model (Marcia Karr) is horrifically burned in a freak tanning bed fire. Two years (or is it five years?) later, her twin sister Rhonda (mentioned only in online synopses) opens up a gym where babes and hunks are murdered with a comically large novelty safety pin. A...

Your Stupid Minds returns to sports television pioneer cum b-movie schlock director Andy Sidaris ( Hard Ticket to Hawaii ) with his 1989 beach babes spy caper Savage Beach . Donna (Dona Speir) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlson) return to the Sidaris-verse when, after a drug bust and a naked hot tub session, fly to a remote island to deliver medicine to orphans. During the mission, they encounter a sto...

Superfan Leo requested one of those most notoriously bad movies in modern history: Rob Reiner's 1994 box office bomb North . The titular 11-year-old wunderkind North (Elijah Wood) is tired of his parents' (played by Jason Alexander and Julia Louis-Dreyfus) bickering and self-centeredness, so he decides to become a "free agent" and shops around for new parents. With his parents in a shock-induced d...

Have you ever wanted to see *NSYNC, Kenny Rogers, O-Town, Zachery Ty Bryan, LFO, Gilbert Gottfried, Dustin Diamond, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Paul Sorvino, Britney Spears, and Art Garfunkel all together on the big screen? No, you didn't. You really, really didn't. Because that's what happened in 2001's Lou Pearlman produced film Longshot , and it was awful. Much like a Russian nesting doll, the f...

We are back…. now for Your Stupid Minds's 150th episode! Since we've gotten into the habit of releasing episodes featuring Neil Breen movies at fifty episode intervals (see: Fateful Findings , Double Down ), we had to wait until Nick's $30 standard definition DVD copy of his latest film, Twisted Pair , arrived via USPS from the Breen's Las Vegas estate. Neil Breen plays twins Cade and Cale Altair,...

Your Stupid Minds goes back to its roots (we always say that) to cover a movie that, as Mary Berry likes to say, ticks all the boxes. Roger Cormon, Jim Wynorski, '80s, swords and sandals, buff dudes, John Lazar… Deathstalker II has it all! Deathstalker (John Terlesky) helps out a seer/princess Reena/Evie (Monique Gabrielle) regain her throne after the evil Jarek the Sorcerer (John Lazar) seizes th...

Your Stupid Minds starts a new life... under the sea! Just in time for DC Comics' aquatic superhero movie, and (probably) two years before Disney makes an embarrassing remake of The Little Mermaid , it's the Walgreens genetic brand The Little Mermaid ! Armando Gutierrez is a "banker, political consultant, and entrepreneur," who decided he should also become a movie producer after producing and app...

Near-fatal cat infections and paternity leave is over, so after a brief hiatus, we are back! Chris's recuperation involved a trip to scenic New England, where he saw an old building once owned by Benedict Arnold (great-grandfather of the guy you're thinking of). A Google Maps search revealed a strange museum dedicated to the building. Friend of the show Sarah Long (guest on American Strays , .com...

You, you  are  allowed, you are invited to check out our newest episode of Your Stupid Minds! After last episode's ghostly boat adventure, we head back to the open seas with 1988's  Uninvited . Wall Street wiz Walter Graham (Ted Kord, Archangel from  Airwolf  and one of the bad guys in  Street Asylum ) and his partner (George Kennedy) have a vague, illegal plan that the SEC is investigating, and t...

Your Stupid Minds is back with a very special guest, Vanessa of the Square Roots Classic RPG Podcast ! She brought a Blu-ray from her collection with her, 2002's Ghost Ship ! Gabriel Byrne, Julianna Margulies, Isaiah Washington, a young Karl Urban, and two guys you don't know are back from a successful boat salvage when mysterious stranger Jack Ferriman (Desmond Harrington from Dexter ) offers the...

By popular demand, Your Stupid Minds finally does Brenda Starr , the troubled Golan-Globus based-on-a-comic-strip-no-one-read film shot in 1986, completed in 1989, and released in 1992 about a hotshot reporter. Brenda Starr (Brooke Shields) is a star(r) reporter at the New York Flash . After getting the scoop on a German/Irish gangster Donovan O'Shea that results in her being hospitalized, her edi...

Your Stupid Minds reviews the movie that critics DON'T want you to see, the years-in-the-making pro mafia propaganda film starring a dimming Hollywood star: Gotti ! John Travolta assumes the titular role in some of the best wig work of his career. John Gotti is a low-level goon in the Gambino crime syndicate who gets the opportunity to move up the ranks through a targeted assassination. He kills t...

Another early 90s moral decay police brutality movie with fascist overtones and mild sci-fi elements, it's 1990's Street Asylum , from director Gregory Dark, the man who brought you such classics as New Wave Hookers 4 , Hootermania , Let Me Tell Ya 'Bout White Chicks , and Mandy Moore's "Walk Me Home" music video (she presumably wants to have you walk her home so she isn't murdered by cops). Arlis...