You Are Not Crazy

Why do emotionally abusive people double down on false narratives, deny reality, and convince themselves they’re the victim—even when they’re causing visible harm? I'm joined by Paul Colaianni, host of The Overwhelmed Brain and Love and Abuse podcasts and creator of The Healed Being program, one of the few resources for people who have been emotionally abusive and genuinely want to change. We...

This episode takes you inside the lived experience of emotional abuse. The story captures how emotional dysregulation, boundary violations, and false repair cycles can slowly erode a person’s sense of self. We discuss how the classic cycle of abuse—tension, explosion, and reconciliation—can unfold in covert ways, leaving the survivor walking on eggshells, questioning their reality, and constantly...

There’s a version of abuse that presents as calm and reasonable. It doesn’t look chaotic, and at first, it doesn’t even feel that way. It feels quiet and measured. It sounds like someone who wants to work through things. Someone who seems thoughtful and emotionally attuned. Under the surface, there’s control, pressure, and a constant pull to make you question whether your reactions are valid, whet...

In this episode, I share the story that shaped everything: how I ended up in an emotionally abusive relationship, how I stayed, and how I finally saw it for what it was. This is the manipulation I didn’t see—until I did. I talk about the slow unraveling of my reality, the gaslighting, the shame, the trauma bond, and the hope that kept me stuck. I explain how I lost myself piece by piece, how I sta...

If you’ve ever felt like you were stuck in a relationship that kept repeating the same painful patterns—no matter how much you tried to fix it—this episode is for you. In this episode, learn how the cycle of abuse plays out in emotionally abusive relationships—not as a clean four-part theory, but as a lived, messy, repetitive trap that keeps survivors hooked through false hope and temporary calm....

This is one of the most common—and most heartbreaking—questions I hear: Can a narcissist change? In this episode of You Are Not Crazy , I’m walking you through the reality behind that question. The short answer? Maybe—but almost never. Real change requires emotional accountability, humility, and deep psychological work… and most narcissists aren’t willing to do that. Not because they can’t—but bec...

When you're breaking a trauma bond or coming to terms with the end of a manipulative relationship, it doesn’t just bruise you—it shatters something inside. This kind of grief defies logic. You’re not just mourning a relationship. You’re grieving the version of you who believed in it, the future you imagined, and the love you gave so fully. I walk through what this heartbreak really is—and wha...

What happens when the person you fought so hard to love turns out to be incapable of loving you back? What do you do with the grief, the self-doubt, and the tidal wave of confusion that follows? In this raw and deeply personal episode, I unpack what it means to love someone with traits of Cluster B personality disorders—specifically, narcissistic and borderline features—and why walking away doesn’...

We dive into the Trauma Bond: how it forms, why it's so hard to leave, and what recovery really looks like. This isn't just about red flags or textbook definitions. This is about the lived experience—the confusion, the craving for relief, the grief that shows up even when you finally leave. I walk through the invisible hooks that keep survivors attached: intermittent reinforcement, emoti...

What do you do when the person you love explodes—and it has nothing to do with you, but you’re the one absorbing the damage? In today’s episode, I’m talking about a very specific and disorienting experience: the emotional outbursts that often come from people with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). These episodes are not “just” arguments. They’re dysregulated storms—sudden, intense,...

In this episode, I unpack how abusers flip the script by dredging up unrelated past events, twisting reality, and using guilt as a weapon to derail accountability. If you've ever found yourself defending a mistake from five years ago while trying to talk about how you're hurting now, this episode is for you. You’ll learn: The difference between naming a pattern and playing the blame game...

I explore one of the most disorienting realities of surviving an emotionally abusive relationship: the way each incident is treated like it exists in isolation—when in reality, it all added up. I share my personal experience of slowly realizing that what felt like “stress” was actually a sustained pattern of emotional harm.  I walk through the subtle signs—like anxiety, insomnia, self-doubt, and e...

I share the story of a client—“Amanda”—who experienced a devastating betrayal that shattered not only her relationship but her trust in herself. What began as a hopeful, grounded connection turned into a traumatic discovery of infidelity and deception. Jessica walks through the emotional aftermath: the gaslighting, the physical symptoms of grief, the shame survivors often carry, and the slow, pain...

I’m doing something a little different — I’m walking you through my Emotional Abuse Breakthrough Course : what it is, why it matters, and how it can help if you’re stuck questioning your reality. I share the story of how I realized I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, how confusing and stuck I felt inside the trauma bond, and the turning points that helped me start to break free. I also t...

Vctoria Kirilloff, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and founder of Divorce Analytics, brings her sharp expertise, and personal experience leaving an abusive relationship, to help listeners navigate the financial side of divorce with clarity and strategy. Together, we break down: How to start gathering financial information even if you feel completely in the dark Why documenting financial coerci...

I’m joined by Dr. Nae, trauma bond expert, author of Run Like Hell , and former wife of Jordan Belfort—better known as the Wolf of Wall Street. Dr. Nae shares her story of surviving a deeply toxic and pathological relationship, what it took to finally leave, and how she transformed her experience into a mission to help others heal from narcissistic abuse and coercive control. We talk about: The di...

I explore how abusive partners can use therapy to reinforce blame, rewrite reality, and further control their partners. She breaks down red flags to watch for—like when therapy sessions become ammunition, or when your partner suddenly becomes an expert in your trauma but avoids accountability for their own. Jessica shares the emotional toll of navigating this dynamic and why you’re not wrong—or cr...

This episode explores how gaslighting works, highlights red flags such as constant self-doubt and the need to over-apologize, and shares practical strategies for reclaiming your sense of reality. I also unpack the manipulative DARVO tactic—where abusers deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender roles—to help you recognize when your intuition is under siege.  Support the show *Please Note: ther...

You are allowed to be a whole person—not just a performance for someone else. If you've been in an emotionally abusive relationship, you may have been taught to compromise your needs, silence your instincts, and tie your worth to someone else's happiness. In this episode, I discuss how societal expectations and manipulative dynamics teach us to ignore ourselves—and how to begin reclaimin...

In this episode, I discuss the isolating and draining reality of divorcing a narcissist. I share how constant manipulation, gaslighting, and relentless legal battles can leave you feeling lost and unheard.  I dive into the challenges of a legal system that often falls short. If you’re dealing with a high conflict divorce or post-separation abuse, join me for practical strategies and resources. Sup...

DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) is a pattern that keeps you stuck in cycles of self-doubt, confusion, and emotional turmoil. In this episode, I break down how it works, how to recognize it in real time, and—most importantly—how to start detaching from the manipulative narrative. If you’ve ever found yourself defending your actions instead of addressing the real issue, feeling lik...

This episode is a deep dive into the reality of navigating relationships with individuals who exhibit traits of Cluster B personality disorders—including narcissistic, borderline, antisocial, and histrionic personality disorders. If you've ever felt trapped in a cycle of confusion, self-doubt, or emotional exhaustion in your relationship, this conversation will help you understand why.  I sha...

Sex can be misused as a tool for emotional regulation and control rather than genuine connection. In this episode, I take you through a story describing what initially felt like overwhelming love gradually revealed itself as a pattern of guilt-tripping, boundary violations, and emotional manipulation. I detail specific moments where my autonomy was compromised: from the pressure to engage in intim...

Intimacy can be manipulated as a tool for control and emotional regulation. She shares intimate stories of recognizing coercive patterns—from subtle guilt-tripping and boundary violations to the misuse of sex as a litmus test for emotional connection. Whether you’ve felt pressured in your relationships or questioned the true meaning of love and intimacy, this episode offers validation and guidance...

Anne Wintemute, co-founder and CEO of Aimee Says , an AI-driven companion designed to support survivors of relationship abuse, joins me to share the inspiration behind Aimee and how it serves as an emotional support tool, offering validation, guidance, and safety planning for those navigating toxic relationships. We discuss how AI can help survivors recognize red flags, document their experiences,...