The Boundaries.me Podcast

What thoughts come to mind when you think of responsibility? Is it burdensome, negative, or toxic? If you think that you're not alone. The word often gets twisted during our upbringing because it's brought down on you, it's used in a repressive and toxic way. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to think differently about responsibility. Outside pressure and duty are often associated with responsibilities, a...

You may have heard from this show that motivation is not correlated with goal achievement–in fact it can be inversely correlated with it. What then are the factors that have the biggest impact on accomplishing goals? Dr. Henry Cloud shows us that what matters most is first the belief that your goal can be achieved. The second factor is prioritization. In this short talk, Dr. Cloud will help you ge...

"Resilience" is a word that is thrown around a lot these days, and for good reason. We could all use a little more of it. But what is resilience, and how does one become more resilient? Dr. Henry Cloud breaks down the subject like this: There are negative events in your life from a small problem to something potentially catastrophic. Those are the external things that happen. Resilience lies withi...

Wanting to do something and actually doing it are two very different things. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to stop thinking of motivation as the key to success. While of course motivation is an important part of getting started, it can also cause problems. Hope deferred makes the heart sick, as the Bible says, and motivations that don't lead to actions can cause their own set of problems along these s...

Narcissism has become such a commonplace word that not only has it lost its specificity, but in doing so it has become difficult to identify the types of narcissistic behavior you might be dealing with. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to learn what type of narcissistic patterns a person may have. Some narcissists can change for the better, and others can't. Dr. Cloud describes the different underlying c...

When you're struggling, you're usually going to have a symptom: you might be anxious, depressed, afraid, overreacting. You might be getting stuck accomplishing something. Whatever your symptoms might be, Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to see the key differences between symptoms and root causes. Learning more about your symptoms can help you see where your root causes are, but continuing to treat the sy...

While of course being your authentic self is always a good idea, "faking it" can be an incredible tool. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about the psychological power that comes from faking it till you make it. Whenever a new task is put in front of you that you don't know exactly how to do, this technique can be used to give you the confidence you'll need to learn. When we are put in a position where we don...

What's the first thing you think of when you hear the word "criticism?" How you handle criticism is not just a measure of your patience, it's also a huge growth opportunity. Dr. Henry Cloud explains how changing the frame through which you look at criticism can greatly improve your relationships and your performance. How you feel about criticism can also tell you a lot about your character. Gettin...

How do you work on conflicts in a relationship? Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to think about which way you lean when something comes up that's either uncomfortable, argumentative or otherwise conflictual in your relationships. Understanding that there are basically three types of behavior that you might engage in, one of them being more prevalent in your life. The three types are moving toward, moving...

One thing most of us do with the word "choice" is that we equate it with the power to make something happen. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to rethink what choice is actually capable of bringing to your life. Choice is great, it's important, but it's not a methodology. That's to say that willpower and choice are not a method of change alone. Your initial choice can set your direction, and that's a huge...

Unlike in the distant past, we don't really have a rite of passage to adulthood. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about how regardless of how many degrees you have, or how old you are, being an adult is not a guarantee on age or merit alone. So what is adulthood, and how do we get to it? You've probably met people that have made it far into their lives and still aren't an adult yet. Dr. Cloud talks about wha...

Regrets are inevitable in this life and can bring us great sadness. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to think differently about how you look at your regrets. When we talk about regret we're talking about loss and the emotional pain that comes with that. What can really be helpful is letting regret show us what we don't want to lose. The trouble is that guilt will accompany the regret and that can prevent...

Our life is driven by two key drives and they are often at odds with each other. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about how these two drives can be worked together. Drive number one is our need to connect and feel connected. The second drive is our aggression. When when we can merge these drives together it's called drive neutralization and it will greatly improve your relationships and your performance. Wri...

Loving someone and treating them with love are two different things. Dr. Henry Cloud reminds us of what we can do to be more proactive in our loving relationships. Written question: Do physical activities help people heal from trauma? Kerri is housing kids from a youth group and wants advice on how to help a traumatized 17 year old open up. Sarah feels like a crappy person and doesn't know why. Wh...

Changing your life is always a difficult task, but it's nearly impossible without accepting personal responsibility. Dr. Henry Cloud gets into what you should and shouldn't take responsibility for and how this awareness can transform your life and the options you have. Written question: Lately I feel like my attention and ability to focus is being stolen away from me. There are so many distraction...

How do you stay positive when all of life is coming at you like work, kids, social issues, health problems etc? Dr. Henry Cloud discusses a key element that the mature possess and immature lack: being able to hold the good and bad together at the same time. Written question: Can you offer any advice or strategies to help me find my bearings and start moving forward with purpose and clarity? Connor...

One of the worst feelings you can have in a relationship is loneliness despite being in the presence of another person. Dr. Henry Cloud works through how this all too common problem can be resolved. He uses the example of "I, Thou" where both people in the relationship are showing up with attunement.  Written question: Is it better to have a counselor that didn't know you previously so as not to h...

What you are capable of, what you are not capable of, and which one is true are all derived from how you perceive yourself within the context of the world and peoplearound you. Dr. Henry Cloud shares ways to expand how you look at yourself, what you're capable of, and your relationships with what is outside you. Adrienne needs help dealing with a short tempered father. Lizzie doesn't know whether...

How is it possible that your day to day life can heal you? Dr. Henry Cloud explains how specific but small changes in your day to day life can lead to big changes. Lauren asks Dr. Cloud how to grieve a friendship that's over. Erika is having trouble healing from financial trauma that's causing poor spending behaviors. Mandy was neglected by her mother and is still having trouble finding safe and m...

The past is the best predictor of the future. Dr. Henry Cloud explains how patterns can be utilized to change your future. By looking at the past honestly we can begin altering our present actions. Mary needs help addressing her in-laws' toxic behavior. Andrea wants to know when it's the right to time to get exclusive in dating relationships. Dan has started a successful business and is getting re...

Dr. Henry Cloud talks about why empathy is central to having deeper relationships than you have right now. The power of empathy is that it circles back to us. Dr. Cloud explains how as we listen to others and understand their feelings we will begin emotionally regulating ourselves. John is dating someone long distance and wants to know if there's a "right" way to do it. Sally had an affair a while...

Dr. Cloud explains how relationship pain can linger in our lives even when the relationship is over for the right reasons. He lays out ways to start reconnecting with others and working on healthier attachments. Joie's 21 year old son is getting married this weekend and she hasn't met his fiancé yet. Cheryl's 22 year old son went through a bad break up and is literally losing his hair. Emily is ha...

Welcome back to the Dr. Cloud Show! In this episode Dr. Henry Cloud talks about big obstacles and and small obstacles. How do you know which is which, and furthermore what kinds of tactics are you bringing to surmount them? Callers: Lori is having trouble managing a working relationship with an ex-husband she owns a business with. Jeremy has a 13 year old daughter that started dating and doesn't k...

If you've listened to Dr. Cloud before then you know how much he cares about time and energy. Around the holidays this is especially important. He talks about how to utilize your time and energy so that you're getting the most out of this special time of year. Kieran is trying to spend more time with his girlfriend but her sister is getting in the way. Alexis wants to make peace with her mom witho...

The Dr. Cloud Show returns! In this episode Dr. Henry Cloud talks about how to get through the holidays with a smile on your face. He takes a call from Betsy who is looking to help her friends through difficulty in their marriage. Carol needs help setting boundaries around financially helping her adult daughter. And Colleen is having trouble with the spiritual aspects of joining a secular support...