The Bible in Fewer Words

Well, this is it. We've finally made it to the end of the Bible! In this episode we learn how the world will end. Satan will be locked up for 1000 years, then he'll be set free for a while. Gog and Magog will gather huge armies, who will be burned to death by a fire that God sends from heaven. And Satan will be cast into a lake of fire, along with everyone whose name isn't written in the book of l...

In this episode we are introduced to the great whore who sites has fornicated with all the kings of the earth. Everyone on earth is drunk with the wine of her fornication. And Jesus (disguised as a lamb) gets married. After his marriage, Jesus rides into town on a white horse. He has eyes of fire, many crowns on his head, and a sword sticking out of his mouth. "King of King" and "Lord of Lords" is...

In this episode we learn who will be redeemed on the earth. It will be 144,000 male, Jewish virgins. We are also told about a side of Jesus that is never shown in the gospels. The Jesus of Revelation slaughters people with a sharp sickle. The blood of his victims forms a pool 320 kilometers wide and two meters deep. It would require the blood of 32 trillion people. After Jesus finishes the slaught...

The episode begins with the appearance of a pregnant woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet, and a crown of twelve stars. Then a ten-horned, seven-headed, red dragon appears, waiting to eat the baby as soon as it is born. But a war broke out in heaven, in which Michael and his angels defeated the dragon and cast him down to earth, where he made war on the children of the woman (w...

After the sixth trumpet, an angel tells John to eat a book. So John ate the book, which tasted sweet but made his belly bitter. Then two witnesses appear and and chaos ensues. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/305.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

In this episode, Jesus (disguised as a 7-eyed, 7-horned lamb) opens the seventh seal, and seven trumpet-bearing angels appear. When the angels blow their trumpets, all hell breaks loose. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/304.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

In this episode, the 7-eyed, 7-horned sacrificed lamb (Jesus) opens the first four seals, thereby setting loose the four horsemen of the Apocalypse to kill one-quarter of the humans on earth with war, famine, and beasts. Then an angel tells the angels at the four corners of the earth not to hurt the earth, sea, or trees until they mark 144,000 foreheads, 12,000 from each tribe of Israel. The text...

In this episode, John of Patmos gets a peek at heaven, where a seven-eyed, seven-horned lamb appears who is able to open a book with seven seals. This is the lamb who has redeemed believers with his blood (Jesus). The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/302.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/...

Jesus writes seven letters to seven churches, encouraging them for doing the things he likes and threatening them for doing things he doesn't like. I f they are good, he'll let them eat from the tree of life; give them a white stone with a secret name written on it; write his own new name, his God's name, and the name of God's city on their bodies; and he'll even let them sit with him and his fath...

The book of Revelation is the most controversial book in the Bible. It was one of the last to make it into the canon of scripture, and Luther very nearly threw it out. It is the main source of predictions about the end of the world - all of which have failed, as will all future attempts using this bizarre book. The first verse tells us that it was revealed by God to Jesus who told it to an angel w...

No one knows who wrote this epistle, but whoever it was liked to call people names. Ungodly men ordained to condemnation, filthy dreamers, defilers of the flesh, ungodly sinners, murmurers, complainers, mockers walking in their own ungodly lusts -- all in just 25 verses! The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/299.html If you enjoy thes...

The three Johannine epistles are all anonymously written, as was the gospel of John. No one knows who any of these "Johns" were, but none of them was who believers have always  believed him to be: the apostle John, "the beloved disciple." The three epistles and the Gospel of John share enough features, however, that they are thought to have been written by members of the same community, and may ha...

This is another letter that claims to have been written by Peter, but almost certainly wasn't. It does have some interesting things in it, though. In it we learn that Noah was a preacher of righteousness, Lot was a just and righteous man, and that God plans to completely destroy the earth soon - but then, a day to God is a thousand years, and vice versa. The text and notes for this episode can be...

The author claims to be the apostle Peter, but most scholars think it was forged. Illiterate, Aramaic-speaking, first century, Galilean Jews didn't write fancy letters in Greek. There are a few things in First Peter that should be of interest. Slavery is approved in 2:18, women are insulted in 3:1-7, believers are told not to run away from skeptics in 3:15 - and the devil wants to eat you (5:8). T...

James is my favorite book in the New Testament. I don't know, maybe it's just the ex-Catholic in me, but James doesn't contain much that is objectionable, and has some really good stuff. Evangelical Protestants, of course, don't much like the book of James, though few will admit it as openly as did their hero, Martin Luther. He despised it, calling it an "epistle of straw" since it so clearly cont...

Although the author of Hebrews never claimed to be Paul (and wasn't), believers tended to believe that he was, which is why Hebrews is now part of the New Testament. The book is rather tiresome to read, though there is some fun stuff in chapter 11. The author praises the most atrocious acts in the Hebrew scriptures and credits them all to faith. If that's what faith can do, it's a good thing to st...

These are the last two of the epistles attributed to Paul. Philemon is one of Paul's undisputed epistles; Titus is pseudepigraphal (a forgery). There's not much of interest in Titus. But we do learn about liars (God can't tell a lie, Jews and Cretans can't tell the truth), Jewish fables and genealogies (disregard them), wives and slaves (must be obedient), and heretics (are condemned by God and sh...

Like the other Pastoral Epistles (1 Timothy and Titus), most scholars believe that 2 Timothy was written by someone who claimed to be Paul, but wasn't. The best-known verse in 2 Timothy is probably this: "All scripture is given by the inspiration of God." (3:16) Even forgeries? The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/292.html If you enj...

First Timothy has important information for women, slaves, and dieters. Women are not allowed to have authority over men, must dress modestly and be silent in church. They can't teach, braid their hair, or wear expensive clothes or jewelry. Every woman is inferior to every man in every way. But there is a bright side: they are saved in childbearing! Slaves must obey their masters - especially if t...

Although this epistle claims to have been written by Paul, many scholars think it was a later forgery. If Paul did write it, though, he completely changed his mind (since writing 1 Thessalonians) about the timing of Christ's return. The day of the Lord is no longer at hand. In fact, it's nowhere near. Many things must happen first: there will be a great "falling away," a "man of sin" will be revea...

First Thessalonians, written by Paul around 49 CE, is probably the first Christian writing that we have today. In it we learn that Jesus will come soon. Until then we need to hold on to our vessels (wives or penises, depending on translation) in a holy way. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/289.html If you enjoy these podcasts, co...

This is one of Paul's disputed letters. Some scholars believe that Paul wrote it; others think it was forged by one of his followers. But whoever wrote it, it's not of much interest, except to note that wives must submit to their husbands, slaves must obey their masters, and everyone needs to beware of philosophy. And be sure to read the epistle from Laodocea. The text and notes for this episode c...

Philippians was probably created by patching together several of Paul's letters to the church at Philippi. Here are the highlights: * Paul tells the Philippians to be good "till the day of Christ." For "the Lord is at hand." 1:10, 4:5 * Everyone will have to worship Jesus -- whether they want to or not. 2:10-11 * "Beware of dogs ... beware of the concision." I'm not sure who Paul is calling "dogs"...

Although Ephesians claims to have been written by Paul to the church in Ephesus, most scholars think it was written after his death by one of his followers to no one in particular. Here are some highlights: We are predestined by God to go to either heaven or hell. None of our thoughts, words, or actions can affect the final outcome. (1:4-5, 11) Satan is the "prince of the power of the air." 2:2 Je...

Paul is not happy with the Galatians. They've been listening to other people talk about Jesus - and he doesn't want anyone to listen to anyone but him. He's especially angry with those that tell Gentile converts to get circumcised. He says he wishes they'd just castrate themselves. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/285.html If you...