Sober Friends

Send us Fan Mail A 13-year-old goes to Six Flags and comes back with a story—she could tell right away that another parent had been drinking. No one told her. She just knew. That moment turns into a bigger conversation about what kids actually pick up on, how early they figure things out, and what it means when you think you’re hiding your drinking—but you’re not. Matt and Steve talk about being t...

Send us Fan Mail Ever know exactly what you should do… and still can’t make yourself do it? That’s what this episode is about. This week, Matt and Steve talk about the kind of overwhelm that doesn’t show up as a crisis — it just builds quietly until everything feels heavy. The to-do list grows, your brain won’t shut off, and even simple things start to feel harder than they should. They get into:...

Send us Fan Mail Ever feel like you’re doing everything right… and it still blows up anyway? That’s what this episode is about. This week, Matt and Steve talk about those moments when life hits hard even when you’re showing up, doing the work, and trying to stay on track. The kind of setbacks that make you question what the point is—and whether any of it is actually working. They get into: Why doi...

Send us Fan Mail A lot of people in AA have a Big Book. Fewer people know how to actually use it. Matt was one of those people for a long time — and he's willing to admit it. In this episode Matt and Steve dig into what the Big Book actually is and what it isn't. It's not a memoir. It's not a devotional. It's not a loose collection of Bill Wilson's thoughts. It's...

Send us Fan Mail Nobody gets sober because they want to stop drinking. They get sober because their life isn't working — and somewhere along the way, someone handed them a set of instructions that actually helped. Matt and Steve call it the recipe. Not a rulebook, not a religious text, not a list of suggestions. A recipe. Follow the steps enough times and something unexpected happens — it sto...

Send us Fan Mail What does recovery actually mean? If you've ever measured your sobriety by days and wondered if there was more to it than that, this episode is for you. Matt sits down with Dr. Adi Jaffe — psychologist, neuroscientist, UCLA researcher, and author of The Abstinence Myth and Unhooked — for one of the most honest and wide-ranging conversations Sober Friends has ever had. Dr. Jaf...

Send us Fan Mail That's the part nobody wants to say out loud. Alcohol wasn't just a bad habit — for a lot of us, it was a solution. It fixed the social anxiety. It fixed the noise. It fixed the feeling of not fitting in. The problem wasn't that it didn't work. The problem was everything it cost. Matt shares a moment from a recent trip to Boston — walking past the warm lights o...

Send us Fan Mail You've heard it a thousand times in the rooms — take what you like and leave the rest. But what does that actually mean? Matt and Steve dig into one of recovery's most repeated phrases and ask the question nobody wants to answer: are you using it as a doorway into the program, or a loophole out of it? From the opinions of the old-timer who never shuts up to skipping Step...

Send us Fan Mail "Carrying the message" doesn't mean becoming Mr. AA or giving speeches at speaker meetings. It's not about recruiting, arguing on Facebook, or diagnosing strangers. In this episode, Matt and Steve talk honestly about what carrying the message actually looks like — and why it has nothing to do with preaching. Steve shares the story of his first AA meeting: lost,...

Send us Fan Mail Matt and Steve dive deep into Dr. Silkworth's groundbreaking work on alcoholism and why understanding the medical nature of addiction changes everything. They explore a fascinating discovery: Silkworth published his "allergy theory" in a 1937 medical journal—two years before the Big Book—challenging the common AA legend about why he initially hesitated to put his na...

Send us Fan Mail Service work in AA recovery isn't about giving back - it's about belonging, commitment, and staying sober.  "I don't even drink coffee." "That's fine. You haven't been nominated to drink coffee. You've been nominated to make coffee." Steve heard this exchange at his Thursday night men's meeting, and it might be the greatest li...

Send us Fan Mail "I love to do things that will give me temporary comfort, that will make me very uncomfortable somewhere down the road." A woman with 30+ years of sobriety shared this in Steve's Wednesday meeting, and it hit hard. Because that's exactly what drinking was - temporary relief that created long-term pain. But here's the real question: when you quit drinking,...

Send us Fan Mail Ever feel like you're doing everything "right" in recovery but still find yourself pissed off when things don't go your way? Steve opens up about his biggest struggle even after 15+ years sober: the control freak mindset that gets shit done but also sets him up for resentment, anxiety, and dangerous thinking patterns. In this episode, we dig into the difference...

Send us Fan Mail It’s mid-January, the "Pink Cloud" of New Year’s resolutions has evaporated, and for many in the Northeast, we are staring down a "marathon of dark, cold, and gloomy days". In this episode, Matt and Steve get honest about the "January Gloom" and a phenomenon many newcomers face but rarely understand: Anhedonia . If you feel numb, bored, or like life h...

Send us Fan Mail You can be sober and still have bad days — and that doesn’t mean you’re doing recovery wrong. In this episode, Matt and Steve talk honestly about what it looks like to stay sober through anxiety, physical pain, holidays, and emotional discomfort. Matt shares his experience recovering from surgery, navigating anxiety, and using prescribed pain medication safely without triggering o...

Send us Fan Mail Have you ever been at a party, wedding, or holiday gathering holding a soda and felt like everyone noticed you weren’t drinking? In this episode of Sober Friends, Matt and Steve talk honestly about what it’s like to be the only sober person in the room—especially early on. They dig into why sobriety can feel uncomfortable in social settings, why it’s not really about the alcohol,...

Send us Fan Mail Pete Axthelm once said he tried to quit drinking for three days — and couldn’t cope. He died at 47, convinced that life without alcohol wasn’t survivable. That sentence stopped me cold, because for many of us, it’s painfully familiar. In this episode, Steve and I talk about why quitting alcohol feels less like a choice and more like standing at the edge of a cliff. We explore the...

Send us Fan Mail There’s no such thing as perfect sobriety. In this episode, Matt and Steve explore why learning from mistakes is part of the process — not a failure. They talk about comparison in recovery, changing needs over time, and how wanting things to “click faster” can quietly work against us. This is an honest conversation about patience, humility, and staying willing — even when you real...

Send us Fan Mail What does “rock bottom” actually look like — and do you really have to hit it before you get sober? In this episode, Matt and Steve break down the biggest myth in recovery: that you need a dramatic collapse, a lost job, a destroyed marriage, or a trip to the ER to justify getting help. We talk about how comparison keeps people stuck (“my story isn’t as bad as theirs”), why so many...

Send us Fan Mail What happens when the picture-perfect life hides a private hell? In this episode of the Sober Friends Podcast, Matt J sits down with Emily Redondo, author of Wife Mother Drunk: An Intergenerational Memoir of Loss and Love . Emily takes us inside her raw and unfiltered journey through addiction, motherhood, and the generational trauma that shaped her story. From pumping and dumping...

Send us Fan Mail What do you do when your body forces you to slow down — and your mind wants to fight it? In this week’s episode, Matt and Steve dive into the real-life struggle of acceptance after Matt was sidelined by Lyme disease. No gym, no long walks, barely enough energy to get through the grocery store. It felt like life was slipping by… and the only way forward was accepting what is. Accep...

Send us Fan Mail Turning 50 has Matt thinking about milestones — in life, in recovery, and in all the small moments that really shape who we become. In this episode, the guys dig into what “milestones” truly mean once you’ve been around a while. Sure, the chips and anniversaries matter, but the real growth often happens in the quiet, everyday wins: making an amends, showing up for someone you love...

Send us Fan Mail It’s Gratitude Month — but what if you don’t feel grateful? Matt and Steve talk about the kind of week that tests your patience, your sobriety, and your sanity. From corporate layoffs and sleepless nights to plumbing issues and family stress, it was one of those weeks. But a TikTok from a man recovering from cancer shifted Matt’s perspective — a reminder that gratitude isn’t about...

Send us Fan Mail In this episode, Matt and Steve take a hard look at We Agnostics , one of the most debated chapters in the AA Big Book. Matt admits he’s developing a resentment toward Bill W.’s logic — from comparing God to electricity to invoking Columbus and the flat Earth. Are these inspired metaphors or just sales tactics to get the drunk to believe? The guys talk about where Bill’s arguments...

Send us Fan Mail ver tell yourself, “I can’t be an alcoholic — I still have a job, a house, and a family”? This week, Matt and Steve dive into the myth of the high-functioning drinker — the person who looks like they have it all together, but is quietly falling apart on the inside. We talk about how easy it is to compare our messy insides to other people’s polished outsides, why you don’t have to...