So Very Wrong About Games

The mighty weremoose is a solitary creature, peaceable until roused to anger. Its only known predator is the American military deciding to once again invade Canada for reasons. When threatened, the weremoose rises to its full bipedal height of 6 meters, whereupon its sheer Chad-esque magnificence causes other creatures of the forest to quail and flee. Soldiers in the presence of this manifestation...

Everything's gotta be a competition. "I've seen better walls," scoffs the ingrate. "I've had darker ages," insists the depressive. "Well, I'm a Time Duke," growls the superstar Duke (esq., O.B.E.). It's all right, people. We can accept the superlatives without making it a contest. Games Played Last Week: 00:58 -Dark Ages: Heritage of Charlemagne (Adam Kwapiński & Andrei Novac, Board&Dice, 2021) 08...

This episode, as all episodes, is brought to you by our crack editorial team of semi-trained gibbons. Always go with gibbons. Cheaper than interns! More personable than rhesus! Less violent than capuchins! Better hygiene than Mark! Games Played Last Week: 01:05 -Votes for Women (Tory Brown, Fort Circle Games, 2022) 05:19 -Joan of Arc: Orléans Draw & Write (Ryan Hendrickson and Reiner Stockhausen,...

"And Blass is reeling from Yves Saint-Laurent's inverted atomic drop! But wait, who's that running towards the ring? IT'S THE BIG O! Oscar de la Renta is coming to the assistance of his tag-team partner! We thought Pierre Cardin had locked him backstage in his dressing room but no, here he is, steel chair in hand! And he levels YSL with one perfect shot to the head!!! Can you believe it? This the...

As employers, we gamers are a strange lot. We are expected to feed our workers, house them, give them their raw materials; we tell them where to go, when to work,a nd for how long; we subject them to fires, predation, starvation... and on top of all this, in some games we appear to confiscate all their wages! At least in Food Chain Magnate we occasionally allow them to go to the beach. Under stric...

You like SVWAG? Their early work was a little too negative for my taste. But when SHUX came out in '20, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole podcast has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the episodes a big boost. They've been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think SVWAG has a far more bitter, cynical...

I once saw a video of a woman driving a Shelby GT350 Mustang on the Autobahn. It hit 275 kph without breaking a figurative sweat, roaring its primal power the entire way. I was petrified even watching the video. This is to say nothing of the terror I felt seeing it take offramps at roughly 100 kph, which is not terribly advisable with a vehicle that is not known for its cornering. Of course, there...

A comprehensive list of what transpires in RRR would sound like the incoherent ramblings of someone undergoing a very potent trip, which is why we merely indulge in a curated list. While Mark does not retract his naming Decision to Leave as his favourite film of 2022, he will concede that it leads to a less absurdist discussion. It also features slightly fewer dance numbers. Games Played Last Week...

Our favourite Serge Laget game is Senji. "Senji" is a contraction of "Sengoku Jidai," or Warring States Period, which refers to over a century of near total civil war in Japan that started in 1467. Scholars differ as to when it ended, but mostly we can agree that it started when I traded Huey my grandpa in exchange for boats and then he shipped ol' gramps to Louis' estate. I found this out the har...

Ah, you dear internet pedants, I can hear your rapid and ever-present desire for infinite emendations and futile attempts to be comprehensive! "What of the expansion, uhm actually," you demand. We have little experience with the Ginkgopolis expansion, and while it adds several modules, they don't add much to the game--if you catch my subtle distinction. Games Played Last Week:01:18 -The Quest for...

Welcome to our year-end eleganza extravaganza! Lists are compiled. Harsh truths confronted. For example, while one generally takes a while to acclimatize to the using the new year in dates, 2022 seemed immediately apt and people switched over effortlessly. 2023 still seems weird, though--as evidenced by the fact that we forgot to change our tags for our 2023 episodes thus far! How embarrassing. Ga...

"I'm head of the classI'm popularI'm a quarter backI'm popularMy mom says I'm a catchI'm popularI'm never last pickedI'm in the Green Team cliqueBeing attractive is the most important thing there isIf you wanna catch the biggest fish in your pondYou have to be as attractive as possibleMake sure to keep your hair spotless and cleanWash it at least every two weeksOnce every two weeksAnd if you see J...

After much popular demand, we present to you the much-anticipated return of Masterpiece Theatre. Our esteemed patron--who is utterly unaware of our existence, such is his focus on his twin demesnes of fastness and furiousness--deserves no less. Of course, should His Grace, the Reverend Doktor Doktor Vincent, Duke of Diesel, Esq. O.B.E. ever condescend to acknowledge us plebs, we would no doubt swo...

We take no time off for Boxing Day here at SVWAG, a day so named because according to the common law of the King (still feels weird saying that) citizens of the Commonwealth are permitted to punch someone in the face on this day only. It's like a pugilistic The Purge but with the metric system and occasional poutine. The news this week features a number of exemplary game titles. Many a stellar gam...

All things in SVWAG are glorious, and that applies doubly for our glorious returns. We will also not be taking any additional breaks during the holidays! Yes, we can pledge an uninterrupted broadcast schedule through to the new year--leading directly to our annual end-of-year spectacular. And it shall be what, listeners? Say it with me,It shall be glorious.02:24 AYURIS: Bullet♥︎ (Joshua Van Laning...

Sometimes a game's title leads to it being underplayed. Such is not the case for Carolus Magnus, whose chief downside might be the surplus of excellent aliases (Chuckie Mags, Charlie Big-Big, Carlos Grande, Caroolie Magoonie, et al). Planet Unknown, on the other hand, hardly sticks in one's memory. Planet Lazy Susan, though perhaps a bit clumsy, would have likely generated more interest and most d...

Walker has yet to inform us what agenda the aliens are pursuing in Argentina during their relentless campaign of cow abduction. Do the alien overlords practise colonialism in the same way as their human counterparts? Do the inscrutable extraterrestrials differentiate between different humans, perhaps much as they differentiate between cows? Are their secret machinations behind the British East Ind...

Say what you want about the evils of filthy lucre, but I find it amazing how managers turn communitarian and high-minded when it comes to fair remuneration. "Don't you believe in the project?" "Aren't you committed to the team?" et al get deployed all the time when people want to, you know, get compensated for their work. One can't help but notice that racialized workers and women get subjected to...

Most of those time loop movies, while enjoyable, lack any degree of verisimilitude--clearly the chief use of a power to undo time or back up would be to get another chance at not saying something terribly stupid and embarrassing. One wonders if such time travelers would have a yet deeper reservoir of memories of sounding like a total cretin, even though those utterances were never said in the actu...

"Let us go then, you and I,When the board is spread out against the tableLike a beast euthanized inside a stable;Let us go, through certain half-deserted tracks,The muttering attacksDuring restless nights of one-play bad gamesAnd sepia box lids with familiar names:Rules that follow like a tedious argumentOf soporific intentTo lead you to an overwhelming question ...Oh, do not ask, “What to play?”L...

Replete with a robust menagerie in this episode, we perhaps begin to see why anthropomorphic animals seem to feature in every other game lately. We have Dalmations (plus a cow named Doog trying to impersonate a Dalmation), horsies, goats, weasels and wombats (seldom do we see such an august alliteration!), meeses (not to be confused with mooses), and some needed stinkin' badgers. Not a great petti...

We apologize for the all-caps implied yelling, but really, given this volume we had to have a corresponding... uh, volume. The puns are also somewhat fishy--but those you can feel free to skip, jack. The nautical theme doesn't end with fishing, as the recent Crash Octopus (when compared with older titles that are comparatively crusty) shone. More specifically given that it's about an octopus and w...

Live at SHUX 2022, we are joined with extra-special guest Quinns from Shut Up and Sit Down! He was clearly thrilled to be with us, as evinced by the following exchange:Mark: "We're professionals, Quinns."Quinns: "Citation needed."02:26 AYURIS: Hallertau (Uwe Rosenberg, Lookout Games, 2020)Games Played Last Week:05:11 -The Siege of Runedar (Reiner Knizia, Ludonova, 2021)09:00 -Marrakesh (Stefan Fel...

We apologize for the poor quality of Mark's half of the audio this week. We offer two possible explanations. One is that Walker, motivated as he is by spite and malice, engaged in an elaborate act of sabotage so as to undermine Mark in public. The other is that Mark (the editor, mind you) messed up the audio settings. I agree that the latter is too improbable, too conspiratorial, to take seriously...

001You approach a door. Test perception. If you fail, go to paragraph 105. If you succeed, go to paragraph 166.105You fail to notice a sharp thing, so you step on it and take 1 wound. Go to paragraph 166.166On the other side of the door are things you must kill for reasons. Dig out tiles 2B, 4A, 6A, 8B and 12B and get ready for some paperwork.02:23 AYURIS: Tungaru (Louis Malz & Stefan Malz, Alley...