Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

A mother writes that she has been using a pacifier in certain instances to soothe her 7-month-old daughter but has mixed feelings about it. She says that she really appreciates that the pacifier “gives me some space… some possibility to relax,” but she is also concerned that it may be “a stopper of feelings.” She would like to know Janet’s thoughts. For more on common infant and toddler issues, pl...

A mother believes that her 4-year-old’s best friend is a bad influence. She feels her daughter has adopted this friend’s behaviors and attitudes that are exclusionary and bullying towards other children. She wants to trust her daughter to choose her own friends but admits, “I really have come to dislike this child.” Check out Janet's new audio series SESSIONS, her recorded consultations with paren...

The mother of a 14-month-old writes that she aspires to be a respectful parent, but her living situation presents some physical dangers for an active toddler, and lately she finds herself swatting his hand. “I feel torn between two worlds," she says. "Is there any place in gentle parenting for a hand swat?” For more on toddler discipline and specific parenting issues, please check out Janet's new...

Janet responds to a question from her Facebook page from the mother of a 20-month-old who’s started to show his dissatisfaction with various situations by screaming, crying, and in some cases hitting. This mom says she typically handles it “by talking through his frustration with him," and she's wondering if there's more she could be doing to support him. For more advice on common infant/toddler p...

Janet responds to an email from a mother who says her “strong-willed, super clingy toddler” has gotten into the habit of incessantly asking her for anything and everything in sight. This mom says that even if she gives her the thing she wants, her daughter will then demand a different object. “It is driving me crazy.” For more on demanding toddlers and specific parenting issues, please check out J...

The mother of a 4-year-old says her son wants to stay and play with his friend after school, and when she says it’s time to go, he either runs away or she leaves with him screaming. She admits that she struggles with setting limits and wonders how she can be more successful in avoiding this daily drama. For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check out Janet's books at Am...

Janet responds to a mother who says whenever her 10-month-old gets together with her best friend’s 2.5-year-old, the older child “hits, punches, pushes, and grabs toys” from her son. She says she feels guilty for letting her boy get pushed around, but she doesn’t want to insult her friend or “pretend I know anything about parenting by intervening in the conflict.” She asks Janet how she would resp...

A mother writes that she “feels like a failure” for having provided constant stimulation to her baby. Now 4 years old, she says her son lacks self-confidence. She describes him as insecure, easily embarrassed, and reluctant to try new things, which she blames on herself for having “dictated” his play as a baby. She doesn’t know what to do and is looking for advice. For more advice on common infant...

A mother who has tried to raise her 22-month-old daughter with a sense of confidence and independence says that since her mother-in-law moved into the house, her daughter has become “the epitome of dependent… clingy, whiny and stubborn.” She believes this new household dynamic is undermining her as a parent and “has ruined my girl.” For more of Janet's respectful care advice, please check out her...

An almost-3-year-old who seemed to have made the transition to using a toilet has started wetting his pants and peeing on the floor. His mom is confused (and annoyed) because she says he doesn't have “accidents” when he’s out and about, even for an entire day. She’s wondering why this is happening all of a sudden and why only at home. For more on transitions and other common parenting issues, plea...

The mother of an almost-4-year-old asks Janet if she’s responding appropriately to her daughter’s recent questions about death. She is trying to be open and honest and respectful of her daughter’s feelings, but she also doesn’t want her to “think or worry more about this than she should… I want her to be happy and not be scared of dying so much.” For more on other common parenting issues, please c...

A mom writes to describe her 13-month-old’s first tantrum, saying that after several gentle and respectful attempts to manage the situation, she “froze and didn't know what to do.” She’s wondering how she might have handled the situation differently so she can be better prepared for the inevitable ‘next time’. For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check out Janet's book...

A mother writes that her 3-year-old was told that he could no longer bring his security blanket to preschool. The director of the school said that her son needed to "learn some independence from his blanket” and also suggested that “maybe he isn’t mature enough for preschool.” This mom is understandably upset. She fundamentally disagrees with the school’s director on a number of levels and has wri...

A mom worries that her toddler has developed an irrational fear of people, both strangers and family friends. She says that in some situations her daughter will cry uncontrollably for 10 minutes or more. “It’s awful to see our daughter so upset, and I’m desperate to know the best way to handle this.” For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check out Janet's books at Amazo...

A mother is alarmed by her feelings of animosity towards her demanding 5-year-old. She admits that there have been a lot of transitions in the household, but she’s run out of patience with her daughter's constant complaints and is “turning into the kind of mother I’ve always hated… I want to hit the reset button but can’t find it.” For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please...

A mom writes that her 3-year-old has become whiny, demanding, and clingy since her separation from the boy’s father and their move to a new home. At this point, she says, “I do not enjoy being with him at all” and she wonders if Janet has advice on how to re-establish their relationship so she can enjoy being with him again. For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check o...

Janet responds to a letter from a pregnant mom who struggled mightily with her first child, whom she describes as a Velcro baby. Though her daughter has developed into a “happy, confident and wonderful little girl,” the experience took a toll on this mother and left her feeling insecure as a parent and “frankly terrified of having the same experience again.” For more advice on common infant/toddle...

A mother writes that her “kind, sensitive” boy has picked up the F-word and is using it frequently to test his parents’ patience. She says that she has tried a variety of responses, ranging from ignoring the word to disallowing it, but nothing has helped. Both parents are out of ideas and looking for some direction. For more advice on parenting issues, please check out this new audio resource -- "...

A mom writes to Janet wondering if she should give her 2-year-old a reprieve from socializing, since she can’t seem to get through a play date without either hitting, kicking, or biting one of her peers. She wants to raise her daughter “to be kind and loving and safe around other people,” but at this point she feels that she has become a bully. For more on aggressive toddler behavior and other iss...

A mom with 4 and 6-year-old girls is worried that playdates at the park with friends are too rough, sometimes downright dangerous. She says that in many instances children get hurt and someone ends up in tears. This mom is wondering how, when, or if to intervene to protect her kids. For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on audio at Audible (https:/...

Janet responds to a mother who describes her husband and herself as “very healthy, active people.” They have been trying to encourage their almost 5-year-old to pursue physical activities by providing lessons and classes but are frustrated because he loses interest. They are wondering whether to push their agenda or just let it go. For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet...

Janet is joined by Dr. Meghan Owenz and her husband Adam to discuss some of the truths and misconceptions about children and screens. Meghan is a university professor teaching classes on counseling and infant and child development. She and Adam write about the latest research on their website ScreenFreeParenting and present a host of screen-free alternatives to keep children engaged and learning....

The mother of a 16-month-old is climbing the walls because her daredevil boy insists on climbing the furniture and putting himself “in potentially dangerous situations.” She strives to maintain a respectful, trusting attitude and does not want to continually say ‘no’, but she feels her son is testing and trying to get a reaction out of her. For more advice on toddler parenting issues, please check...

The parent of a 22-month-old seeks some clarification for toy-taking situations when her boy is in a public space -- if or when to intervene, and wondering if it’s better to weather the judgmental stares of other parents in favor of her son’s social development. For more on toddler conflicts and other common parenting issues, please check out this new audio resource -- "Sessions" -- my recorded co...

A mom is frustrated that her 4-year-old daughter has suddenly decided she’s helpless in the mornings, pretending to be overwhelmed and confused by the most basic tasks. This mom is expecting a new baby and is going to need her daughter’s cooperation when the child arrives. For more on common parenting issues, please check out this new audio resource -- "Sessions" -- my recorded consultations with...