Remote Station Seven

Join the Remote Station Seven Debate League and compete to see who can argue in favor of the state better than anyone else. It’s also a great opportunity to uncover dissidents. Plus delicious snacks!

You cannot have free speech without unfree speech. You cannot have free thought without unfree thought. This is just the natural balance of the universe.

Want a free t-shirt? Why not join our Youth Truth Squad? Join your peers in marauding citizens with Approved Opinions and get one of our stylish t-shirts that will prove you are part of the crowd!

You have the right to forfeit your rights. That is your ultimate right as a citizen.

Is your work not fulfilling? Who are you doing your work for? Yourself or the good of the state? Don’t allow selfishness to dominate your work ethic. Any work for the good of the state is fulfilling work.

Our new Missing Pets announcements broadcast is not meant to imply that we will also offer a Missing Persons announcements broadcast, since there are no missing people as government statistics on the subject have repeatedly shown.

Fun fact: The free flow of information will create a tidal wave that will pummel your being as you drown in the depths of your so-called freedom.

Perhaps you’d like to know our official history. This information is classified. Please refrain from your current activities under penalty of law. 

Remote Station Seven would like to confirm that the recent reports of recent reports of lights in the night sky were incorrect. The night sky remains shrouded for your protection and lights remain forbidden. We urge you to stay indoors.

Ever feel like someone is listening in on your private thoughts? Don’t be foolish. You have no private thoughts.

It’s time for the Remote Station Seven cutest pet contest. Listeners are encouraged to send in photos of their pet doing something adorable, along with its registration identification number and official electronic implant status.

Remote Station Seven is dedicated to serving its listening community, and can better serve you if you submit a document with your name, address, and whatever grievances you have with the appropriate authorities. This information will not be used for any purpose that need concern you.

The Remote Station Seven staff curling team is fundraising again. When designated collection agents appear at your door, do not be alarmed. Please remember to surrender your unregistered electronic devices. And have a nice day.

Any resemblance between Remote Station Seven transmissions and the sounds in your own head are purely coincidental, and no such official experiments exist that could possibly make this a reality.

Had radio problems? Attempted to fix the problem on your own? Found a mysterious device lodged within your radio? This is all in your head. It never happened.

All variety shows are cancelled until further notice in favor of a slate of single purpose shows instead.

Never fear. If life is not all you expected, let the appropriate authorities know, and they will provide you with the required paperwork to make the necessary changes.

Like a good party? Have you ever considered The Official Party? You’re already a member, as are all citizens at birth, so you might as well enjoy it.

The opinions expressed on this transmission are entirely in your own imagination. Please be advised that both opinions and imagination are prohibited, and repeated use of either require self surrender to the appropriate authorities.

Have you been listening to Remote Station Seven transmissions in an attempt to uncover hidden messages? Keep trying! They’ve got to be in there somewhere.

Like television? Sadly, television no longer exists, but if you imagine pictures in your head while listening to Remote Station Seven broadcasts, it is exactly like watching television.

Remote Station Seven is dedicated to helping its listeners achieve the best them possible. Tune into Remote Station Seven’s self-actualization transmissions and link up your personal authenticity with that of the appropriate authorities! The State will officially decree that you are blessed!

Have individuals claiming to be secret police showed up at your home and confiscated your radio? Have no worries! This is just an effort by the appropriate authorities to ensure that your equipment is updated. Be patient!

If you find that transmissions from Remote Station Seven have caused sensations of nausea, you are advised to remember that Remote Station Seven does not officially exist and therefore you never heard such transmissions.

Please be alerted that the following program contains oscillatory patterning that can cause hallucinations and affect certain aural processing functions, in addition to your ability to demonstrate free will. Remote Station Seven takes no responsibility for your personal outcomes but urges you to report to the nearest designated facility.