My Favourite Monster

In this episode we chill out with our sentient mood lighting and wonder at what is simultaneously the most inoffensive and potentially most destructive monster in D&D. A creature that was once an April fools day joke: the Flumph. We ask: How do I monetize my flumph on youtube and twitch? Do i need a furry wall in my flumph-room(tm)? How much "seeding" time-off does my flumph need to...

In this episode we evaluate the Anaconda(s) from the movie Anaconda. Well, to be honest mostly Tony rants at one of the worst snake movies of all time. How do I escape from a bad snake movie? Why does it FLY? Is a candy/rubber snake covered in a condom a realistic pet? Exactly how much plot armor does J.Lo and Ice Cube have? No. Not snek! Bad producer! You get the newspaper!

In this episode we debate pet merits of the iconic Gelatinous Cube. Can you push one through a ramen strainer? What happens if they get out into the open steppe? What's with D&D's weird approach to electricity? Is it bouncy or not? Is it a glorified bumper car, or just a dungeon roomba? Is it a delicacy when cooked?  What happens if you feed one jelly(jello) crystals, toilet candies...

In this episode we rate Velociraptors (from Jurassic Park) for their pet potential. We ask all the pertinent questions: Can I have a slow-i-raptor? What happens if mine isn't a clever girl? Should I ensure my friends have a character arc? How do they fare in a fight with Australian wildlife? Can I pit-roast my pet? Do they understand American football? Do they make good companions for Rangers...

In this episode we rant and rave about the worst adaption of Godzilla ever to crawl out of a Hollywood management boardroom (The 1998 adaption of Godzilla featuring Matthew Broderick and half the cast of The Simpsons) and we eventually rate it's many pet qualities.  We ask the key questions: Is it ok to take the God out of Godzilla? Exactly how does a giant lizard sneak up on things? What do...

In this episode we rate the pet-dog-robot-agent-of-madness that is GIR from one of the darkest cartoons ever made for children, Invader Zim. A creation of Johnen Vasquez, famous for his nihilistic gothic parody. We analyze the squeedily spooch out of GIR, collecting organs and probing the vast non-euclidean space inside his thermos like head. * What is the mean safe distance for your pet GIR? * Wh...

In this episode George and Tony purposefully catalogue in exacting detail the Modron, a creature of pure order (That means it does precisely what you tell it to). We file (using form 32y, sub-section: query): * What happens to typewriters when they die? * Do armchairs have butt-holes? * How do I ensure my Modron pet does not go insane? * Are Modrons baby, cat and neighbours dog friendly? * What do...

In this episode George and Tony ramble and meander, eventually exploring the furriest axolotl (the Mogwai) and their post pupal stage (Gremlins) for pet purposes. We ask the big pet questions (before George can throttle Tony): * Should you give a biological weapon to your son as a present? * Can you feed your Mogwai wet food? * What are the industrial uses? * Can you bathe them in mayonnaise or do...

So --> Whats a Slaad ?  Well, I mean, what ISN'T a Slaad? Honestly, that would be easier wouldn't it? But no, you had to ask what a Slaad was, didn't you? So think of angels and demons right... but get rid of all the angel and demon bits and chuck what's left in a food processor and pour it in a frog shaped mold. Because FROG . THINK about it. Forg. Grof even. Now, stop thin...

For the first time we consider an actual pet as a pet. In this case it is Goodboy Bindle Featherstone of Quirm, also known as Errol the swamp dragon from the Guards! Guards! Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett (one of our favourite books!). And why wouldn't you want a badly run alchemical factory the size of a small dog as a pet?  OK sure, he flames backwards and generates sonic booms in fligh...

We probe the Demonic Balrog from Lord of the Rings and its counterpoint the Balor for people who need a pet that's a little on the wild side. Does your Balrog have a pedigree?  Is your local city in need of terraforming?  Do you need more flaming whips and vorpral swords in your life?  Should you store your Balrog in your plumbing?  What is a Bogrog?  And what is our alignment and challenge r...

We consider the Yokai-like monster No Face (from Spirited Away) as a potential pet.  All of the standard pet evaluation questions are asked:  Exactly how much of an elephant does he need to eat to mimic it?  If he eats you, and goes to jail for cryptocurrency fraud are you in jail as well?  Is there a No Face drinking game?  How many cats can you feed him and should you include laser pointers in h...

We consider an Arrakeen Sandworm for our pet. Because the spice must flow!  All the relevant lore is reviewed, such as: Do you walk your worm, or does your worm walk you? How much dried shrimp do you need to feed something up to a kilometer long? What are worm kegels? Can you wrestle your worm for funsies? Can you objectify your sandworm? We learn it is best to follow your golden path and embrace...

In this episode we consider for our pet: Imhotep the  Mummy (A-Totally-Not-Lich-Honest), from the Mummy franchise of movies. We explore his various uses from chafing grit to self composting.  We explore what it means to be juicy in a box for three thousand years with nothing to do but think about schtupping(?) the pharaoh's wife and exercising your pelvic floor. We also consider the ten plagu...

In this episode we vet Slimer from Ghost Busters as a potential pet. Including in-depth consideration of wet chickens, Instagram bikini shot ruination, nuke transportation, hot dog insurance, bird based signing and immortal floating pugs.  We discover the "only" difference between Slimer and Twilight vampires and Tony invents a high efficiency reciprocating automatic ghost feeder. 

We look at the different types of zombies, their causes, the evolution in DnD over the years and learn about: walking storage, optimizing zombie density per square meter and undead assisted farming.

Today we're looking at Totoro from the epic movie My Neighbour Totoro. We may have made the remarkable discovery that he is, in fact, Dark Matter!

Today we're having our minds flayed, and possibly going mad auditioning the mind flayer for its pet potential. All the wrongness ensues! 

In today's episode we're considering Trogdor for his pet potential. We discuss his many skills and qualities, which include burninating, coming in the night and being majestic with consumate v's! Ok, so if you are one of the few people (*cough cough*) who have not heard of Trogdor then here are some references to prove we are not making this up... The original source of Trogdor , no...

In today's podcast, George pitches Bruce the Shark from Jaws to Tony who has vital questions about Bruce's diet and exercise habits. The vital question about Bruce's bathroom habits are asked and sharks and swimming pools are discussed. Some fun stuff: An article about how the film was shot based around which of the 3 Bruces was working on any given day. It also has the picture of S...

In today's episode, Tony suggests a black hole as being the perfect pet while George wonders what an accretion disk is and why she'd want to smear the neighbours on it. Vital questions are asked like: Will our black hole suck in our neighbours? Does a black hole clean up after itself? And, most importantly, are the goats on the mountain upside down?! Tony's notes for this episode ar...

Today George is pitching xenomorphs to Tony as our new pet. Whether they be an ovomorph, a face hugger, a xenomorph or the Alien Queen, we're considering them all. And asking the important questions like: Do xenomorphs use litter boxes? Will they snuggle on the bed, and Will they eat our friends? We're only covering the beasties from Alien, Aliens and Alien 4 in this episode. Yes, we kno...

For our monstrous premier episode, Tony is pitching the Bulette to George for its pet potential. Along the way, he reveals that this particular beastie has a fascinating, and unexpected history.  The source articles Tony used for this podcast can be found at : https://diterlizzi.com/essay/owlbears-rust-monsters-and-bulettes-oh-my/ https://ultra.fandom.com/wiki/Gabora https://www.cercatoridiatlanti...