Love and Life with Dr. Karin and Pastor Elliott

Triangulation. It’s so easy. We all do it. But, it’s SO unhealthy.  What’s triangulation? Here’s a common example: We get angry, but instead of talking to the person who upset us, we gripe about it with someone else. We loop in a third party. It diffuses the tension, but does it move us toward solving the dispute/problem?  Not at all. As we continue our series on how to connect with our families i...

We wrap up this year with some personal reflections regarding Love & Life’s themes of mind, body, and spirit! Elliott and I discuss some revelations we’ve had via the books and articles we’ve read including: Brain Energy by Christopher Palmer, M.D. Joanna Moncrieff’s challenge of the serotonin theory of depression The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk The work of Dr. Caroline Leaf We sha...

Elliott and I continue our series on how to best engage with family members over the holidays with this episode devoted to family rules. All families have a “code of conduct.” Some of these expectations are well known by all members. Others operate just beneath the surface.  How do we manage family rules now that we’re adults? How do we navigate the expectations of our family and then adjust to th...

With the new year right around the corner, you may be thinking about resolutions. Many of us want to level up our health and fitness, but oftentimes we feel daunted because we’ve tried a hundred times before, yet never reached our goals. Help is here! Justin Savich, creator of The Pure Fat Loss Challenge, brings over 20 years of nutrition, strength training, and fitness knowledge to his proven pro...

Last week we talked about the importance of maintaining boundaries with our family during holiday gatherings. But what if boundaries aren’t enough? What if we simply can’t get along with our family? We no longer agree on anything and we can’t find common ground. Should we completely cut them off? Or, is there a better way? Today, Elliott and I discuss the Family Systems construct of Individuation...

Holiday family gatherings should bring us closer, but sometimes they do the exact opposite! All too often, we get together only to grow apart. Help is here! Implementing principles from Family Systems Therapy allows us to cultivate true intimacy while reducing family drama. In today’s episode, Elliott and I delve into boundaries. We share concrete strategies for establishing boundaries with family...

The holidays are upon us and in efforts to make the season as bright as possible, Elliott and I want to share principles from one of our favorite therapeutic orientations—Family Systems Theory and Therapy. And yes, siblings can get under our skin in ways no one else can. And sure, in-law interactions may be strained. And of course, blended families present us with unique challenges, but still—we C...

In fact, we’re taught to avoid talking about finances because it’s considered a bit gauche—especially when you don’t know someone very well. Furthermore, what if you’re not all that proud of your relationship with money? Maybe your bank account refuses to grow and “retail therapy” is your go-to coping mechanism! Or, it seems you just can’t get ahead no matter how much you save! Emily Burnett can r...

I asked Elliott the other day, “We’ve been talking about cheating and recovery, but what can we do to try to prevent affairs from happening in the first place?” And yes, healing is possible and, as Elliott continues to stress, we may even find deeper intimacy after infidelity. But of course, wouldn’t we prefer to grow closer to our spouse without going through a marital breakdown? In this conversa...

After posting episodes 265 and 266, Karin and I continue to see a need to continue the discussion about cheating. So today we continue our cheating series by responding additional concerns and discuss how to start the healing process. Specifically, we address: What's the first step in the healing process? How to navigate forgiveness and grief What to do if children are involved What rebuilding...

After posting episode 265, Elliott and I received additional questions about infidelity, so we wanted to continue our cheating series by responding to these concerns. Specifically, we address: What exactly is cheating? Is flirting too much a violation? What about porn? Connecting with an old flame on Facebook? Close friendships with coworkers? What are the first steps to take if one of us has brok...

Just Wear the Mask.  It’s Not a Big Deal! Or, is It? A Developmental Psychologist’s Concerns Regarding Masks on Children—and All of Us! We’re bringing you another segment of our “Love & Life:  Let’s Talk About It” series.  These are topics that can be hard to broach and in some cases, conversations around these issues have been censored—either by social media platforms, or by social agreement—...

No one walks down the aisle on their wedding day expecting to cheat on their spouse. But sadly, it happens all too often.  What happens? Why do couples stray? Elliott and I discuss 4 types of affairs (Pittman) and 3 reasons why they happen (Balswick & Balswick).  Join us for part 1 in our series on infidelity. Learn how to protect your marriage from an affair and/or recover from the pain if in...

We’ve all heard it a million times—you are what you eat. And, of course it’s true—every cell in our body relies on and is sustained by the nutrients we ingest. So on a physical level, this reality is obvious.  But, the more research I do, the more I realize how much this adage—you are what you eat—pertains to our mental health as well.  In some ways, I think about all the work I’ve done as a psych...

About a year ago, I started hearing a term that was new to me—seed oils. Apparently, they’re everywhere—in virtually all processed foods. And, recent research links them to horrible health outcomes. So, I did a lot of reading and found that much of what I’d understood about dietary fats was completely off base. For years, I’d been making food choices I thought were healthy but in fact, they were t...

We’re in the midst of a mental health war. Over the last 50 years, we’ve raised awareness and developed abundant treatment options, yet Americans’ rates of depression and anxiety continue to skyrocket (Whitaker, 2015). Today, Elliott and I discuss my reflections on his recent messages about the epidemics of anxiety, depression, loneliness, and addiction. We conceptualize the current mental health...

Elliott’s mental health series continues with a message about addiction. Sadly, addictions have touched us all—whether we’ve struggled ourselves or we’ve endured the pain of watching a loved one wrestle with the grip of addiction. Elliott shares an understanding of addiction through a Biblical lens. He tackles questions surrounding the grip of addiction and the hope and healing we can find in Chri...

Depression. No one can escape it. Yes, some of us struggle more than others, but sadness, despondency, and despair are part of life. Of course, we’d prefer to skip over the valleys. We’d rather stay on the mountaintops but that’s not how life works. Can we accept depression as a normal part of the human condition? Does despondency serve a purpose—other than making us miserable?  What does Scriptur...

Abating - something becomes smaller and less intense. Did you know we are dealing with an epidemic of loneliness in our culture today? More than ever people are asserting feelings of loneliness in their lives.  Today we continue Pastor Elliott’s series on mental health on the topic of loneliness. He covers the following topics: - What is loneliness? - How we emotionally and physically respond to i...

Do you struggle with anxiety? Have you felt disempowered on how to address it in your life? In today’s episode Elliott shares a presentation he gave on the topic of anxiety and how we can proactively attack it with action!  Elliott discusses the following: The Top 8 Causes of Anxiety Mental and Physical Manifestations  The Root of Anxiety And Steps to Overcome Anxiety Through: Situational Awarenes...

How can we remain empowered when we’ve been on the dating scene for SO long? As you know, I spent 27 years dating—from age 15 until I married at 42. It can be exhausting, demoralizing, and heartbreaking. How then, do we remain happy, hopeful, and positive on our journey to love? Today’s guest, Roshini Rajkumar, also dated for many years before meeting her now husband. Fun fact: they fell in love a...

According to a recent KFF poll, 77% of women would like birth control pills to be available without a prescription—assuming they’re safe and effective. But are they? Effective? Okay. But, safe? Not so much. Among the many side effects of using hormonal birth control is an increased risk of breast cancer. According to a study by Dr. Marilyn Althuis of the University of Maryland, “Women under 35 yea...

Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson is back to continue our series on Attachment Styles. This week we unpack Avoidant Attachment and consider the question, “Is it actually possible to have a relationship with someone with an avoidant attachment style?” Specifically, we address: Why avoidant men may initially appear very excited about the relationship and interested in commitment, but then later, they...

Join us today as we revisit Love & Life's most popular episode to date: Anxious Attachment on Dating and Relationships with Elliott Anderson, M.A. Ep. 165 I hear this question from women in my community all the time—“I have an anxious attachment style. Will I ever be able to be in a secure relationship?” To address this concern, psychotherapist Elliott Anderson and I take a deep dive into...

We recently received a question from a listener in our community: “What is spiritual abuse in and outside of a Christian context and how do individuals heal from it?” The timing was perfect as Elliott and I had planned on continuing our woundedness series with an episode devoted to the spiritual wound. Elliott and I discuss 3 types of spiritual abuse: Complete absence of spiritual opportunity.  In...