I Know, I Need To Stop Talking... so I made a podcast

Send a text In which my 40th birthday celebrations finally happen; Beth and her teams play some bloody brilliant football; I am the Embarrassing Proud Parent; we give grateful praise to the brilliant grassroots sports volunteers out there; I prove all of the reasons why I probably won't become a football announcer any time soon; we remind ourselves why comparison is the thief of joy; I discov...

Send a text In which I record the last podcast of my 30s; I almost make a total tit out of myself at work; Covid is a dick; we celebrate the brilliance of teenagers; Beth's birthday cake nearly breaks me; and I relive some of my personal highlights of the last decade, including poo, shouting, confusing furniture, Dr Google, football football football, the world's coldest hot tub, living...

Send a text In which I get absolutely bloody soaked; we discuss the hell of a hungover Saturday morning, poolside; Beth encounters gravity; we discuss the awful murder of Sarah Everard and the changes in our society that we need to see; Jamie gets Covid, just in time for Birthday Month *facepalm*; I make a terrible confession; I reminisce over The Greatest Birthday Cake Of All; my children ruin Th...

Send a text In which I share the truths I wish I'd known before I became a parent; my Ocado delivery goes rogue; everyone loses their shit over petrol; Google Maps and I fall out; I have to learn to let go, and am SO BAD at it; I hit peak parenting madness; I come up with a revolutionary new design for the human body; nappy changing is confusing; sleep deprivation is the pits; and I reach my...

Send a text In which I share some of my most mortifying moments over the years; I get to live out an all time dream; I have an Irritating Week, and you are all bloody brilliant; I am thoroughly wound up by "fidgets"; weeing in a cup proves to be extremely difficult; Jamie performs a character assassination; I learn that pride very much comes before a fall; I confirm all the reasons that...

Send a text In which I go Out Out; my neighbours are batshit; I explain whyTop Gear probably won't be calling me up any time soon; we stay in perhaps the craziest AirBNB of all; I fail utterly to pack light; my children go feral; Jamie's PE kit is a public health hazard; and Beth gives me some painfully honest feedback.

Send a text In which I thank you all for being so bloody brilliant; I am That Mum; we appreciate the golden moments; Jamie lives his best life; we play Aggressively Competitive Car Games; I recall the Car Journey From Hell; Jamie is geographically challenged; and I tell you all about my cervix.

Send a text In which this podcast celebrates its one year anniversary, and I say a massive thank you to all of you for supporting it; I remember just how much I hate running; Jamie gets his head around the miracle of childbirth; I GO TO THE PROMS!; I explain why you should never, ever take Beth to the theatre; and we take a trip down podcast memory lane, including my favourite interactions with Oc...

Send a text In which I take a trip back down memory lane to life as a teenage girl in the 1990s; I feel better and WELL, and ALIVE!!!; the children have sleepovers; we discuss the reasons why the phrase "sleep when your baby sleeps" is absolute BULLSHIT; bath pearls are weird; I manage to refer repeatedly to a "puffa jacket" as a "puffa coat", which explains all the r...

Send a text In which I get poorly sick; we are lucky enough to go away on holiday; Jamie reaches new levels of ineptness; I lobby for crazy golf to become an Olympic sport; there's a reason I've never become a book publicist; my children's lack of fussy eating backfires on me; we should all try to be more kind; and my cats are, as usual, utter dicks.

Send a text In which they finally turn down the sun; I participate in the competitive sport of Dishwasher Reemptying; teachers are amazing; Beth is scathing about my Olympics prospects; I have the least relaxing Zoom call ever; I introduce The Willy Blanket; we share reading recommendations; holidays with small children are NOT a holiday; and we embark on the HELL that is worming cats. Also, liste...

Send a text In which I reveal the outcome of my Ocado debacle; Beth is vaguely mortifying; football doesn't come home... but it kind of does; Jamie almost gives me heart failure; I out-gross The Maggot Story; Jamie is an utter hero, and I might actually be The Hulk; Jamie gets a makeover; we take a trip down memory lane; I have perhaps the most traumatic holiday experience of all; and the who...

Send a text In which I apologise for absence; we face the least fun family Saturday night activity ever; ASAP is a dick; I am obstreperous, and get into trouble with my mum; I relive memories of Euro 96; Jamie is an absolute hero, and I am once again an Embarrassing Parent; a trip Out Out takes its toll; and football comes home.

Send a text In which my kitchen appliances are dicks, as are my cats; I max out on helicopter parenting; Jamie achieves a teenage dream; the podcast hits the Apple Top 10; I get very angry with the Government; football is coming home (surely?!), and I discover I am still not over Euro 96; Jamie and I fail to cope with click and collect even slightly; and I share one of my most mortifying moments o...

Send a text In possibly my most Too Much Information podcast yet, we talk about bloody periods; Jamie gets wet; I am very grateful not to be in a restaurant with small children; there is rather a lot of blood (definitely not one for the squeamish); we talk feline vasectomies; Biff and Chip get turned into a TV show and almost every single one of you decides to tell me about it; Jamie is a hero; pe...

Send a text In which it is a bit bloody hot, and I am Not At One with the sun; my children fail to work suncream; I develop a frankly genius business idea and plan my pitch to Dragons' Den; everyone over the age of 50 bangs on about the Great Summer of 1976; I confess to one of my secret fears, and appall my teacher with my water saving suggestion; I take the world's least educational sc...

Send a text In which Mr IKINTST and I celebrate 21 years of being together with a romantic weekend away..... with the children; I reveal why I Don't Do Tents; Jamie and I are utterly appalling at golf (and easily distracted by giant lizards); those five years (FIVE YEARS) of swimming lessons finally pay off; Jamie confesses to a slightly obsessive interest in Neep the turnip; the cats are twa...

Send a text In which I think we can safely conclude that the fitted sheet is the most dickish household object of all time; the sun FINALLY comes out; I take a social media break and celebrate 12 years of blogging; the phrase "piss on your chips" absolutely baffles me; I go rogue and do another podcast which is Not This One; my children prove themselves to be utterly inept at cleaning; t...

Send a text In which I get my first Covid vaccine (SO grateful) and have a little cry of joy; we have a bonkers week; Jamie experiences an emotional rollercoaster; cats continue to be twats; Beth gets extremely confused about organ donation; my dad and I have a slightly surreal experience on a train; I take a trip down memory lane and reminisce over farmyard animals, wildly unsuitable shoes, and t...

Send a text In which I get utterly drenched (nothing to do with the sex); Andie McDowell irritates me; Beth picks up a football injury; I book my Covid vaccine; Jamie is traumatised; it's time for Beth to have sex ed (and I sincerely hope that her teacher has sufficient gin to recover from the experience); the Joy of Sex thoroughly confuses me; Jamie recommends all the reasons you should cons...

Send a text In which I am exceedingly livid; I fail abjectly to manage to lie in; the moon is completely unreasonable; replacing my walking shoes proves to be ****ing IMPOSSIBLE; jeans shopping is a total cock and clothes sizing is evil; I have an unfortunate altercation in the Next changing rooms; I stupidly enter into a bet with Beth, and live to regret it; I do some really really bad parenting;...

Send a text In which I still have not a bloody clue what day the bins go out; the kittens turn two (and remain complete ****ing liabilities); I have an unwelcome midnight visitor; we celebrate the brilliance of girls in sport; I absolutely mortify my children; we discuss the #stoponlineabuse campaign and why it's really, really important to just not be a dick; I reminisce back to the heady da...

Send a text In which I reminisce back to the halcyon days of HELL ON EARTH sleep deprivation; I reveal my greatest - and most ridiculous - phobia; we discuss the Lies We Tell Small Children; I reminisce over sweating out neat gin, poolside; some of my missing body parts are restored; Beth experiences Ketchup-Gate; I wax lyrical on the joys of being a Real Life Superhero; my cat is a dick, again; I...

Send a text In which I talk at length on the many and varied reasons why I am categorically Not A Runner; I explain why you really don't want Jamie as a passenger in your car; I share probably the blog's greatest achievement to date; my dad receives a somewhat startling reward for the completion of a half marathon; I discover that it's impossible to run without sounding like a phone...

Send a text In which I eat a shit load of Easter eggs and fail miserably at Easter hunts; I prove why I am not to be trusted in charge of a hacksaw; we discuss whether folding your socks will bring joy to your life; the synchronisation of periods utterly mystifies me; apparently Prince Philip is dead, which you would be unlikely to know about given how silent all news outlets have remained on the...