Here's A Guy

In an effort to keep the lights on around here, we’ve finally partnered up with a sponsor. Unfortunately none of the major brands knew who we were, and asking them to check us out made it even worse. We finally found a snack willing to partner with us- that’s right, that old standby, oyster crackers! You out there, do you like the taste of flour and light salt? Do you like soup but wish it was cru...

October is known for lots of things, but one of its most prominent icons is the humble pumpkin. Whom among us doesn't enjoy when the temperature gets a little crisp and you see those little round orange guys sitting in everyone's porches? Did you know, though, that there are well over 100 varieties of pumpkin in the world? These includes the diminutive white "Cotton Candy," the p...

Bleh! It’s me, Dracula, here to introduce you to the best month of the year on the Here’s a Guy podcast- it’s Mayhem Month! Bleh! Why do I say that all the time? Sorry, I mean “Vy” do I say that all the time? I understand the “w” to “v” thing- it’s a byproduct of a very niche European accent. No idea if it’s accurate- hell, it may even be offensive to someone- but I get it, conceptually. No idea v...

The world froze. A hush fell over the masses. Simultaneously, the population all looked to the same signal, sent out far and wide across all corners of the earth. Eyes averted from their ordinary day-to-day concerns and pointed in one direction- their respective phones. Something had happened. They had been notified of something monumental. A small circular symbol with three little lines in it or...

[This description has been removed by the Podcast Purity Coalition for being so unbelievably filthy and disrespectful that we feel it would shock the general listening public. The creators have been advised to adhere to our required standards of wholesomeness going forward.] But anyway, enough about my weekend trip to the pumpkin patch. We start by discussing some sports-related woes and read some...

[THIS IS A PUBLIC NOTICE TO ALL PODCAST LISTENERS. LAST WEEK THIS DESCRIPTION WAS WRITTEN BY AN INDIVIDUAL WHO IDENTIFIED THEMSELVES AS "THAG" AND PURPORTED TO BE A CAVEMAN UNFROZEN FROM HIS LONG SLUMBER IN A BLOCK OF ICE. BE AWARE THAT THIS INDIVIDUAL IS NOT NAMED THAG NOR IS HE AN UNFROZEN CAVEMAN, THAT'S SOMETHING FROM AN OLD SNL SKETCH. HIS REAL NAME IS GREG SIMMONS AND HE IS A F...

Is me doing this right? Me not sure. Ok. Me name Thag. Me what they call caveman. Me no understand what they mean when they call caveman because everyone live in caves when I from. Me accidentally get frozen in big block ice while taking shit on glacier. Me wake up million years later when small ugly men in white clothes take blow torch to ice block. They say I miracle of science. Me freak out adj...

Welcome back for another episode of Here’s a Guy. We regret to inform you that this week is one of those nasty episodes. Even worse, it’s a good episode, so it’s not even one you can skip and feel ok about it, you kinda have to listen if you’re a true HaG-head. I feel obligated to let you know in advance and to prepare you as best as possible. Towards that end, I am not going to list off what I th...

GOOD MORNING you fucking bozo! Time to awaken youself from your SLUMBER and CRAWL out of your fucking bed to face this BEAUTIFUL fucking day! Guess what, there’s a NEW HERE’S A GUY right here ready for your fucking earholes! Time to get your SHIT pulled together and face whatever the FUCK life wants to throw at you all with a killer new EPISODE pumped straight into your BRAIN cavity! (A guy on twi...

The World Cup is on, and it's a time for the international community to come together. At Here's a Guy, we strive to contribute to this spirit of unity. With that in mind we will be using this space to establish dialogue with our brothers and sisters across the world. In light of their win yesterday, we will begin with the French. Below, please find a message of unity in your native tongue...

Sometimes you don't get it all right the first time. Sometimes you can only really know what the right thing to do or say is until a little bit of time has passed and you have a little more time to process everything. As great as a perfect gut reaction is, realistically, your brain is only working on limited information and hindered ability to contemplate. Just for example, sometimes you whiff...

This past week sports enthusiasts across the globe have been treated to one of the greatest tournaments in existence- the World Cup. Can you imagine a cup that big? You could drink hella beer out of that! The main reason that joke doesn't work is that you don't typically drink beer out of a "cup." Unless, of course, we're classifying "glasses" under the umbrella of...

At Here's a Guy, we strive to make our content as accessible as possible. Thus far, we've received no complaints to the contrary, which means that we've either succeeded in this mission, our have failed so miserably that nobody is even capable of noticing. Who's to say, really. Either way, we feel like we can't be complacent. We want to make sure we're accessible even to la...

I’m not sure how good the quality of this episode description is going to be. I fucked up and now my tummy hurts. It doesn’t help that I had too many sweets today. There was a training thing at work that had donuts AND candy. I can’t just let that go. Or maybe it was the box lunch. It was a grilled chicken club sandwich, which seems pretty safe in theory, but catering pre-packaged sandwich meals c...

As of this morning, it's officially May. That means a lot of things "may" happen. You "may" be pleasantly surprised to get your little update that there's a new Here's a Guy. You "may" immediately rush over to the Spotify app and listen. You "may" be delighted at the fun stories and clever riffs. You "may" also be thinking that it seems...

Alright, I'm going to need to speed through this episode description. There's a storm roaring its way towards me outside and I'm starting to hear sirens. I'm not sure what's about to happen because I'm so laser-focused on churning out this description, and if I don't get it done in time, the hosts will punish me with "The Device" again. Hey, what did I just se...

March Madness has now come to a close. We now enter what’s called April Insanity. That’s followed by May Mania, then, much less fun, June Dementia, and its aftermath, July Derangement. And don’t get me started on August Psychosis, let alone September Frenzy. October Hysteria is always a little harrowing. So is November Lunacy. December Delirium might be the worst of all. Sometimes January Hypomani...

Guest Madness rolls on with another one of our absolute favorites, John Fleming. And if you've paid any attention to the show in the seeming eternity that it's existed, you know that when John comes on the show, we'll be talking one thing and one thing only: baseball. Baseball comes in all types of forms. Major league baseball. Minor league baseball. College baseball. Little league bas...

Hello all, and welcome to hell. And by “hell,” I actually mean Guest Madness on Here’s a Guy. That lead-in is a bit misleading, considering hell, at least in the typical religious sense, is a bad thing. In fact, it’s somewhat the embodiment of bad things. Guest Madness, though? That’s good, very good. That does sort of render the comparison meaningless, but nobody’s perfect. Are you perfect? I did...

We're officially in that real gross. slimy part of the year. Well, actually, I take that back. August is the slimy part of the year. This time of year is gross for other reasons. In particular, it's because tons of people get sick. Lots of sick people right now. And folks? I don't think that's very "sick." See, I used both the literal and colloquial meanings of a term, be...

zzzzzzz honk shoo zzzzzzz zzzzzzz honk shoo zzzzzzz zzzzzzz honk shoo zzzzzzz zzzzzzz honk shoo zzzzzzz hm? What are you doing here? I'm trying to sleep. Waking people up is rude. That is, unless there's a fire, or a tornado, or a burglar. Well, unless you're the burglar yourself. That's categorically rude, heads up notwithstanding. Wait a second, maybe you're not waking me up...

I'm really tired from a grueling evening in the podcasting mines. Instead of writing a pithy episode description, I'll outsource it out to someone else. Thankfully, my wife agreed to help. Her recommendation for an episode description goes as follows: "Slay queen! Diva the house boots." So there you go. Do I know what that means? Absolutely not. Do I know if it's even ok for...

I don't have a lot to say this week. In lieu of a rambling episode description, I'd like to debut the new lovable mascot for Here's a Guy. He's cute, he's cuddly, and there's nothing off-putting about him whatsoever. He'll be an instant mega hit with children, and parents will be buying heaps of the merchandise before you know it. Ok, here he is: ⊂_ヽ 　 ＼＼ Λ＿Λ 　　...

Newspaper comics are going to be a focal point of this here episode. Not to sound like an old man making complaints on behalf of past old men, but the funnies are an experience that's been a bit lost to the sands of time. At one point, the entire nation woke up and not only read a newspaper, but chuckled along at the comics page. Can you imagine? For one, can you imagine everyone reading newsp...

The calendar has at long last rolled over. We go from 2025 to...let me just check here...2026. During this time of year, everyone likes to take the opportunity to reflect back on the previous year to assess what we learned. For some, the answer is absolutely nothing, why even kid yourself. On the other hand, those people typically aren't introspective enough to do that type of reflection. Hell...