Green Cows Don't Fly

We're nothing if not diverse and in this week's episode we discuss: British service levels, motorway repairs, health and safety, soft top sportscars and not smoking. But not only that, in a podcasting first we introduce our new in-show feature: "Is there anything embarrassing in your drawer?" Honestly, the lengths we go to to entertain. It's another level. B. is available for audiobook narration,...

In a packed show B and Jon begin with air fresheners before moving onto wine buffs. Of course that leads to serving suggestions on food packaging, daytime TV so-called fashion experts, button misalignment on clothes, the soap opera police drama wannabee trend and last but not least book reviews. B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any act...

This week B.& Jon wrestle with the tricky concept of the birth of the Universe, before moving on to why Americans call herbs erbs? Add to this heady mix of un-fact-checked, questionable dodgy intellectualism, the concept of goldfish being able to watch EastEnders from inside their bowls, then you have a show to miss out on at you peril. B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and...

Join B. & Jon in yet another wide-raging and rambling conversation. This time there is foody talk aplenty, discarded static caravans and jelly babies. But that's barely the half of it. Add in second hand trousers and going into hiding and the picture is complete. Or as complete as it's likely to be with the Green Cows.. B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.a...

This week B & Jon discuss chilli mishaps, mouth made music, electric fans, piano lessons, music students and six somewhat bizarre demises through the annals of history. Honestly, it's a veritable laugh-an-every-few-minutes-rollercoaster of an episode. You'd be crazy not to listen. B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting jobs re...

In another packed show. B's been the target of a mass mosquito attack and she's not best pleased. Jon thinks it could be down to climate change as the UK's getting warmer with each passing year. What's the best song to sing when performing CPR? B knows someone who is unaware that water is necessary to cook pasta and Jon's boyhood failed attempts at kite-flying. B. is available for audiobook narrat...

This week Jon has a rant about the proliferation of funeral adverts. Seems there's an army of oldies out there in TV land relishing the prospect of ending their days as soon as possible. Also, what nut does it for you? Pistachio, Cashew or the plain and humble Peanut? And... say you were the reflection in the mirror and the reflection was actually you? Cue X Files music. B. is available for audiob...

B and Jon ponder Gloucester's Cheese Rolling 2023 and muse on why it's not fallen foul of 'Elf an' Safety'. But not only that, gasp as they improv a classic style WW2 movie right before your ears. And would you buy a palace or "get the men in" to fix up your current abode were you lucky enough to scoop a fortune on the Lottery? B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover wo...

Jon's been cutting a dash at the golf club with a pair of rather loud shorts that have caught the eye of the greens committee. Meanwhile, B's had a strange encounter with a creepy guy in Tesco. And if all that wasn't bad enough, why have more than 415 souls come to a sticky end in rural Midsomer? B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any ac...

You'd think discussion topics on the show couldn't get any more diverse, wouldn't you? But hold that thought - because this week its TV ad breaks full of sprightly OAPs only too keen to get in a queue and shuffle of this mortal coil. But not only that B. and Jon discuss builders bums and talking parrots, that actually don't... talk that is, B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and...

Once again authors B and Jon have a plateful of waffle and they're happy to share it. Perms, potholes, dogs and cars are all grist to their mill as they take you through another bizarre stream of consciousness ramble. Confused? No need to be. Just think what a James Joyce podcast might be like.. B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any act...

No one can accuse the show of being samey. Once again, this week's episode delivers drivel in spades as B & Jon discuss noisy electric kettles, Star Trek replicator technology and impending execution. Before rounding it all off with an impromptu game of Dead Composer Play Your Cards Right. B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any act...

Once again topics are wide-ranging. Starting with the unsettling phenomenon of spontaneous combustion, B. & Jon progress to discuss crop circles, first contact, and the recent UK Coronation. Jon finds himself having to mount a stout defence over the state of his kitchen worktops. And finally, would you accept a cup of tea in a house with a persistent and clinging unpleasant odour? No. Neither...

This week we look at the phenomenon known as being "Between Trousers". Something that can affect us all when we least expect it. B. has been suffering just such a crisis lately. Meanwhile, Jon feels bank holidays should be on a Friday - not Monday. Is your glass half full or half empty? It's important to consider in the world of sales. Then there's a first as B. & Jon play the lottery live on...

There's an uneasy truce between B & Jon as the infamous "lost show incident" is still a sore point. But professionalism prevails and in another eclectic conversation they chew the cud over Star Trek, Top Gear, The worst cars they ever had, potholes and traffic cones. B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting jobs really, especia...

Well, B & Jon are just about back together again after last week's lost show catastrophe, but it's an uneasy truce. Nevertheless, a stroll down memory lane recalls booking cheap but often nonexistent flights on Teletext, cutting up old bank cards, a useless Dragon's Den pitch and rifling through Sir Elton John's bins.  B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.a...

There's been a technical hitch in the studio this week. Jon's flying solo as B's in a deep sulk after he wiped the best show they ever recorded. Now he's going to have to send a lot of flowers, expensive confectionary and cakes if the show is to continue. Watch this space. B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting jobs really, especi...

This week sees another esoteric chat with B & Jon as they discuss: curry then move on to dim sum in Chinatown. This naturally leads to daily walks, dog walkers and their charges, not to mention spring magnolia blossoms. A quick left turn sees them talking about printers and the Internet before they head for the tape discussing plotting their respective novels. B. is available for audiobook nar...

Just when you think the show couldn't get any more random... it goes and does. When is a city not a city? Did (as per the urban myth) Queen Victoria not like Reading? And as for old Catus Decianus, Procurator of Roman Britain. Did he really have 10 bums? Well, listener... get listening. B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting...

It's Friday again and time for your weekly dose of aimless rambling nonsense. So in a diverse show we discuss fig mustard, foody TV travelogues, the time Jon's band (sort of) appeared on the Belgian version of The Archers and when B's chatting in the make up chair saw her end up on the cutting room floor.. B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenti...

This week's show features more live Googling, Scooby Doo and playwright Samuel Beckett before the highlight when B livestreams her binmen not picking up a picture frame from a neighbour's bin. It's cutting edge stuff. B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting jobs really, especially if you have an Oscar winning script and Quentin T a...

In another Joycean style stream of consciousness conversation, B & Jon start with business speak and the attendant vacuous drivel that goes with it. Needless to say they take several forks in the road going forward, including Trout Pout Junction and unexpected celebrity encounters. You couldn't make it up... well actually they can and do. B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting a...

Choices, eh? Love 'em or loathe them we all have them. So when B's neighbour's young daughter asks :"Where would you rather find yourself? Prison or a Home for the Elderly?" you can be sure of a fun-filled fifteen minutes. This of course leads on to becoming a prison Kingpin's plaything, inaccurate book research on Google, guitar plectrums, and inevitably, random encounters with Al Murray. B. is a...

Jon's acquired a bread maker, so naturally this weeks deep dive is on all things bread. But in true Green Cows style that inevitably leads on to vinegar, cheese, old music hall jokes and random recipes. They also pose the question: when there's no one around does King Charles sit in his vest and Y-fronts watching telly and dipping naan bread in his curry sauce? Find out by listeneing. B. is availa...

In the first proper None Show B. & Jon discuss washing up. This of course leads to them exploring such topics as pets with butler service, how the early cave dwellers invented cooking, the sad now almost extinction of Christmas Cards, regifting and not to mention many other washing-up related topics. B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting...