Chad Halvorsen Archives -

THE SUPER MARIO BROS. MOVIE REVIEW It’s been 30 years since the critical and commercial failure of the Super Mario Bros movie. And because of that absolute bomb, Nintendo has been very, very reluctant to license one of its properties for any sort of adaptation, film or otherwise. Mario creator Shigeru Miyamoto was finally convinced […]

MALUM MOVIE REVIEW Writer/Director Anthony DiBlasi has been making horror movies for a while now. One of them is called Last Shift, released in 2014. Well apparently he liked the idea so much, he essentially re-(made/booted) his own film. Which brings us to today’s film, Malum. It tells the story of a rookie cop’s first […]

HISTORY OF THE WORLD, PART II SERIES REVIEW Better late than never…” some would say. It’s been over 40 years since History of the World, Part 1 graced the silver screen, so now it’s Hulu’s turn (along with Nick Kroll, Ike Barinholtz, Wanda Sykes, and Mel Brooks as Exec Producers) to put history in perspective. […]

THE LOST KING MOVIE REVIEW Based on a true story, The Lost King follows Philippa Langley (Sally Hawkins), a middle aged woman just stuck… Until she sees a performance of Richard III, and now the dead King follows her around. She takes it as a sign that she needs to find Richard’s body, which was […]

CHAMPIONS MOVIE REVIEW Champions (a Bobby Farrelly joint) tells the story of Marcus (Woody Harrelson). After a tiff on the court and a drunk driving charge, Marcus is sentenced to 90 days coaching a local community center’s intellectually challenged basketball team. It’s a very formulaic situation for a sports/underdog movie, but that doesn’t take away […]

WE HAVE A GHOST MOVIE REVIEW Due to Frank Presley (Anthony Mackie) constantly trying and failing at get rich quick schemes, the Presleys find themselves moving into a cheap, old ass, house in the Chicago ‘burbs. One thing they didn’t count on was “Ernest,” the ghost that lives in the attic (David Harbour). Frank’s younger […]

THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE CHILDREN MOVIE REVIEW Let’s face it everyone… and I’m including both parents and people without children… kids are f**king creepy. They’re like 1/3 the size of an adult and have high pitched voices. You think that would be adorable, but it’s not. There’s Something Wrong With The Children doesn’t bury […]

YOU PEOPLE MOVIE REVIEW You People (directed by Kenya Barris, and written by Jonah Hill/Barris) is a rom com about Ezra (Jonah Hill) and Amira (Lauren London), and how they must navigate each other’s families before they get married. Ezra is a dude down with the culture but grew up in privilege with his parents […]

MAYBE I DO MOVIE REVIEW There comes a time in every cisgendered, white male’s, life where he has to settle down with an equally boring cisgendered, white, woman. At least, in this universe, the woman is expecting a lifelong commitment, but that comes to halt when Allen (Luke Bracey) intercepts the bouquet at a wedding, […]

HOUSE PARTY MOVIE REVIEW In 1990, cinema was given a generation defining comedy that brought together hip hop duo Kid ‘n Play and the comedic chops of legends like Robin Harris and John Witherspoon. It was a teen romp about a fez-shaped fade-wearing kid going to a party at his friend’s house. However, after a […]

EMANCIPATION MOVIE REVIEW On January 1, 1863 Abraham Lincoln issued the the Emancipation Proclamation as the United States entered its third year of the Civil War. A slave named Peter (Will Smith) on a Louisiana plantation is sold into the Confederate war effort. Taken from his family on the plantation, Peter vows to return to […]

THE WHITE LOTUS SEASON 2 SERIES REVIEW Welcome back to The White Lotus, a crown jewel of luxury, this time nestled in Sicilian town of Taormina. There’s new faces but don’t worry, everything isn’t black and white. Speaking of White, of the Mike variety… Mike White returns to write and direct all 7 episodes and […]

A CHRISTMAS STORY CHRISTMAS MOVIE REVIEW It is really hard to live up to what has been dubbed by society as a “classic.” Especially when the original has been on a constant loop, every Christmas Day, on Ted Turner’s Broadcast Station. I know I know… what’s a broadcast station (traditional television) and who the fuck […]

THE FRIENDSHIP GAME MOVIE REVIEW I don’t know if you’ve ever been to High School, but it’s a fucking drag. You stink, so you need a shower all the time, peers make assumptions about your character, and everyone is filled to the brim with hormones… It’s great! (HEAVIEST OF SARCASM). So if you hated how […]

QUEER FOR FEAR SERIES REVIEW There’s no divergence of opinions here between Rose, Jordan, Tessa, and Chad. Queer For Fear is a must see for any horror fan. Whatever you identify as, knowing that a lot of our modern horror shares roots with queer history is important. A lot of writers/directors/artists, all queer in their […]

BEAVIS & BUTTHEAD SEASON 9 REVIEW “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it.” That’s a stupid way to live life. Sure, things can be timeless, but if you don’t slap a new coat of paint on it once in a while… maybe tighten some screws… eventually “it” will be broke. So why not give it […]

V/H/S 99 MOVIE REVIEW It’s very rare for the 5th film in a series to still have an impact on it’s audiences. Concepts get overplayed/recycled to death, and overall the concept can feel stale, even if your audiences want more. V/H/S/99 doesn’t suffer from any sequelitis, in fact, because these movies are anthologies, I think […]

SPIRIT HALLOWEEN: THE MOVIE MOVIE REVIEW Let’s get straight to the point here. We all knew that a Halloween movie based off a seasonal store that likes to pop it’s head up every Fall (like my herpes) was going to be “iffy” at best. Oh boy, were we wrong. Take a coming of age story, […]

PIGGY MOVIE REVIEW Sara is an overweight teen who works at the family butcher shop. One day she’s swimming at the local, public pool and 3 girls harass, bully, and assault her. They take her clothes and make her walk home half naked. Before she makes it back, she witnesses the three mean girls being […]

MR. HARRIGAN’S PHONE MOVIE REVIEW If you don’t know by now, October is the time for spooky things. “What’s spookier than burying a phone with your very old, very dead, mentor?” Ummm… Spiders… Running out of ice during a Halloween party… reminiscing about the time I lost my virginity to both Freddy and Jason… Huh, […]

THE GREATEST BEER RUN EVER MOVIE REVIEW There’s this fine center line that one can ride while drinking copious amounts of alcohol. It’s basically like purgatory for your sobriety. On one side, you’re not drunk enough. Which means you are still capable of making smart decisions. Go to the other side of the line, you’re […]

DEADSTREAM MOVIE REVIEW The found footage genre is a rare treat when it’s done well. A lot of times, like any movie, there’s an overuse of tropes and easy to use plot enhancers, and sometimes creating drama when there is none. Not so with today’s film, Deadstream. Co-Written, Co-Directed, and Starring Joseph Winter, Deadstream follows […]

MY BEST FRIEND’S EXORCISM MOVIE REVIEW Let’s travel back to 1988… We’re at school, a Catholic one at that (shudders). Abby and Gretchen are two best friends, just trying to make it through High School. At a girls night near an abandoned cabin, Gretchen is possessed by a demon and the only person who gives […]

CYBERPUNK EDGERUNNERS SERIES REVIEW What’s up you f**king Chooms!? You’re here with Chad, Tessa, and Marcos and we’re dripping with 80’s/future aesthetic today with Cyberpunk Edgerunners, a new anime series streaming on Netflix. The show is based on the video game Cyberpunk which comes with a lot of baggage, depending on if you played the […]