Generation Artax

How do you spell heartbreak? T-E-R-R-I. In this episode, Terri comes clean about a boy she scoped out at a spelling bee, and then later woefully mistreated, which still haunts her. Also: Kim meets an emotionally wounded boy at a bonfire. In Unrelated: Children's movies that really shouldn't have been children's movies. Like, the Last Unicorn, about a sexy horse and the prince who falls for her. We...

Let's be clear: Lori wants love in 1993, but she didn't say she wants it to be easy (which is why it's over before it's begun). Find out why Cash Cab is a true test of character. Lori goes on the wrong booze cruise, Kim nearly has a stroke, and Terri hard launches her new relationship—which, speaking of the 90s, is with a girl she went to high school with. True story. Welcome to Generation Artax. ...

We kick off this episode fresh from a colonoscopy! Then, travel back to the 90s when Terri leaves Kim old fashioned directions to the biggest party of the year, which include "turn left at the tree." Witness the dawn of the World Wide Web, Terri's awkward conversation with a boy she doesn't like, and a little body horror you definitely didn't ask for. Welcome to Generation Artax.  In this episode:...

Our parents go on a two-week sojourn to Europe and all hell breaks loose: Kim absolutely did not throw a house party or lose her virginity in her childhood bedroom. Lori gains the upper hand with Sean. Terri folds under pressure and takes Kim down with her. It's all power shifts and wild betrayals on this episode of Generation Artax.  In this episode: We're dreaming of merch, but we don't have any...

It's hard to believe that we used to call a number and then sit through a recording of every single showtime, but THIS IS WHAT OUR LIVES WERE. Also, every movie was great: Muppets Take Manhattan. Chances Are. Ghost. Need we go on. Plus: Kim tries to rebrand her seventh grade class, Lori worships Atreyu, and Terri falls in love with Peter Pan and is then confused by that. Welcome to Generation Arta...

In 1993, St. Lori was on a mission to keep boys from going down the wrong path. Oral arguments ensue. Then, Terri reads one of Lori's high school essays which is chock full of backhanded compliments about her very average and unremarkable sisters. Kim is shunned in society for enjoying life. The snacks we were raised on in the 80s. Also: Terri's Lexapro is late again and her sad is showing. Welcom...

If you ask Kim, Dominos pizza is what high school tastes like, and it hasn't changed since 1988. In this episode, we recall our favorite restaurants from days of yore: Pizza Hut, Red Lobster, and Benihana (shout out to Short Hills). Plus, Kim loses her shit when her friends take Terri's car for a joy ride; Lori eats raw garlic to ward off pests; and Terri tries to ward off boys. Then, we play a li...

This week, Terri needs to chill the fuck out, but literally can't. Also, why time is liquid and doesn't actually exist, and the time Kim's fourth grade crush called to say, "You're ugly." Facts: The meaner a boy is, the more he likes you; your nose grows faster than the rest of your face. Plus: The time Lori got a bold-ass pixie cut and Kim got a really bad perm, and when Terri thought she and her...

Say what you will, but having two boyfriends is really hard! How Kim coped with dueling loves, and what peak romance looks like at the mall. Also: Flowers smell like death; the Poltergeist movie fucks up our sense of reality, and does anyone look at Sissy Spacek and not think of Carrie? In Unrelated, a solid round of would-you-rathers. Welcome to Generation Artax. In this episode: From Justin to …...

We didn't intend for this week to be so body-focused, but there you have it. Rough hands, failed fingernails, aspirational boobs, lopsided boobs, and vaginas that look like a sleeping bear. In 1982, Terri dreams of having a smile that will knock all the guys out. We remember Colorforms, Shrinky Dinks, mom's pep talks, Kim's first paycheck, and then we do the "pencil test" live on the air. UNRELATE...

Do we look better with makeup on? Maybe. But probably we look exactly the same. In this episode of Generation Artax, we take a look at self esteem and straight-up swagger. Lori recalls a day when she rocked some serious BDE at the Home Depot, Kim is embarrassed to admit what she thinks of herself; and Terri takes the no-make up challenge and literally no one notices. That time Lori's high school m...

In this Valentine's Day episode of Generation Artax, we wax nostalgic about Hallmark Holidays of yore, including: Kim's need to be the patron saint of lollipops; why Lori wore an "I Heart Girls" pin; why Terri loves gifts as much as Lori hates them, and how Lori lived real-life drama at theater camp when she's cast opposite her ex in Phantom of the Opera. (It all works out in the end.) PLUS: Origi...

Look out everybody! It's the summer of 1988, and  the Trespicio girls are about to hit the… driveway to lay out. Then, take an olfactory journey back to the 80s and resurrect the sweet, sweet scents of: Hawaiian Tropic, Prell, Salon Selectives. Also: Kim's not allowed to go on a date, and Terri waxes poetic in 4th grade. In Unrelated: Something you find embarrassing that no one else does. Welcome...

In this episode of Generation Artax, we ask the question, what does it all mean? Kim hoards memories. 10-year old Terri has an existential moment in the shower, and Lori believes she was smarter in another life. We discuss past lives, 80s fashion, trashy eyeliner, and how outer space is basically Tower of Terror on steroids. In Unrelated, what thing do other people wish for that you would never, e...

In this episode of Generation Artax, we revisit…the mall in the 90s. We cover making out in public and private with boys who weren't that hot after all. The school dance juggernaut that was Stairway To Heaven. And Lori pulls a Brenda from 90210 and leaves her boyfriend in the care of her best friend who's a model in the great boyfriend swap of '93. Welcome to generation artax. The sheer analog joy...

In this episode of Generation Artax, you're going to learn a few things about Kim: She played guitar in a church band, will not eat in a restaurant alone, and one time, got two hot sophomores to come over to watch Flowers in the Attic. Plus: We revisit the lyrics to Family Ties, the time Brady Bunch went to Hawaii, and the social mecca that was the high school dance. Enjoy. Welcome to Generation A...

In this episode of Generation Artax, we cover it all: backpacking across Europe pre-iPhone, intense sneezing, and the day Jesus flew off a crucifix and hit Lori in the face. Plus: yacht rock, catholic school, depression, anxiety, personal poltergeists, crimes we've committed, and why you shouldn't miss your medication five days in a row. And: Dad butt dials us live on the air. A lot happens in thi...

Lori was having a hard day in May 1993: Kim got rejected from the Peer Leadership program and Mom was yelling about the government—leaving Lori with no one to talk about her problems including her bad rep, small boobs, and the fact that she was going to miss critical episodes of 90210, Melrose, and the last Wonder Years. Plus: Kim and Lori are left to fend for themselves overnight in the hospital,...

Merry Cringemas everybody! And to live up to that name, we've got a show teeming with awkward first kisses, OfficeMax Santa gifts, and a poem Terri wrote to her boyfriend in 1993. Plus: 90s gifts that wouldn't exist today (hi, answering machines!) and our (least) favorite Christmas movie. We wish you a safe and happy holiday season, and thank you for your support of Generation Artax! More at gener...

In March of 1988, when Kim was in the sixth grade, she watched as the boys goaded her friend Amy to walk out over the surface of an icy pond — at which point the ice started to crack, and then broke beneath her. And everyone…laughed. Hysterically. It was a very shallow pond, and no one was hurt. But the peer pressure of it all haunts Kim to this day. Also in this ep: an homage to Paul Reubens, aka...

In this episode of Generation Artax, we take a trip back to the early 90s when Terri left for college and Kim was inconsolable. And Lori went off to college and became a huge star. Also: REM sleep, room temps, and a bad case of lice. Buckle up and enjoy. Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.    

In this episode of Generation Artax, 13 yo Lori hopes her future self isn't a huge slut, and then doubles down on catholicism. Kim fails to make the basketball team. We all take Tae Kwon Do. Plus: movies that make us cry and one 80s movie we should not have been watching. Strap in and let's begin.  Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on t...

We kick off this episode of Generation Artax in 1987, where we find Terri in the eighth grade, struggling with the moral complexities of virginity pacts, and if saying you may have sex someday before marriage is as bad as actually doing it. Also, whether Jon Bon Jovi is to blame for at least part of it.  Plus, hear what very different shenanigans Kim gets up to in high school, including negotiatin...

In this episode, why it's worth revisiting your diaries, how religion warped our brains, and why Lori grew up under the impression that Jesus was a big bummer. Plus: Let's get into the quantum physics of it all: Kim manifests the fuck out of a pair of glasses, Terri can channel dead pets, and why Lori thinks believing is seeing. Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list...

We will not kick off our FIRST episode of Generation Artax by introducing ourselves, because that puts Lori and Kim in a cold sweat. Instead, we take turns introducing the other sisters to you, to give you a lay of the land of what you're wandering into. Plus: How Terri wanted to get out of every relationship with boys (#gay); Lori was always told she was "too much"; and Kim was so happy it was an...