Talking With Dr Toy

Living a life instead of solely maintaining an image entails authenticity. "Are you living life authentically"? I like this definition of authenticity, " being genuine, real, and true to oneself, aligning actions with core values and beliefs, rather than being a counterfeit or acting based on external pressure." Self awareness, reflection, introspection, and courage are essential ingredients to li...

Rick Warren published a book entitled the Purpose Driven Life where he addresses that existential question of why am I here? You've probably asked yourself that same question and maybe you're still searching for the answer. Living a purposeful life is worth pursuing, however, what informs your definition of purpose? Does your definition of purpose simply entail impressing others and looking great...

Living a life not just maintaining an image requires intentionality, reflection, and exploring some existential questions about life. Two questions entail an acknowledgement that sometimes we live life on a stage where we're constantly trying to control and manage other's perceptions of us. At times we may contort ourselves to conform to an image that is acceptable to us and one that will be embra...

Well it's 2026 and one thing you can most certainly say is that you made it over the threshold to witness the New Year. Now that you've entered, what now? What moves or goals do you desire to accomplish this year? May I offer a suggestion? Could this be the year that you make a decision to live a life not just maintain an image? Erving Goffman popularized the concept of impression management "also...

There's a time for everything and a season for everything under the sun.  There's a time to plant, a time to uproot, and a time to tear down, and a time to build and finally a time to weep and a time to laugh. The end of year is often a time of reflection but some often avoid this practice because it may induce difficult emotions. However, for such a time as this, reflection maybe a process that h...

It's the most wonderful time of the year is a very popular Christmas song but it only speaks to one aspect of Christmas. According to research, the holidays can also be one of the most stressful, loneliness, and depressing times of the year. Stress, depression, and grief are not great marketing strategies, so happiness, gatherings, and gifts are promoted as holiday commodities. There may be few em...

It's easy to be swept up in the hustle and bustle of the season as people prepare to give and receive gifts. Although we are aware of the commercialization of Christmas, it's still difficult to resist the temptation to spend more than we have, to stress and spend endless hours searching for the perfect gifts, getting the house ready for parties and gatherings, and making sure everyone's needs are...

Are you ready? Have you been preparing and stocking your mental health toolkit to navigate this holiday season? Navigating the holiday season can present a challenge because it can be a balancing act where you're experiencing and learning to manage big and difficult emotions. As you navigate this holiday season, I'm encouraging you to check your mental health toolkit. I ask you to consider the fol...

My grandmother affectionately known as "Bigmama" would always say, "People don't have to be nice." This statement usually came as a result of someone enacting an act of kindness. Such a reflection may have been a result of both gratitude and rarity. Grateful someone showed kindness, and the perception that it is indeed rare for people to be kind. In times like these, is being a nice a rarity? Is b...

Are you ready? Yes, it's about that time. The holiday season is fast approaching and although some may experience anticipation and excitement, others are dreading it for various reasons. Some are financially struggling this season and may not be able to do all they've done in the past which may induce some shame and even embarrassment. For others, this may be the first holiday season without that...

When I speak to individuals about self-care, it is often equated with selfishness which has a negative connotation. When I speak of community care, showing up for others and allowing others to show up for you, there is often resistance im asking for help or leaning into the support. Why? We've been conditioned by a number of societal and cultural factors that challenge the notions of self-care and...

It is important to contextualize your life experiences. At times, our inner critic can beat us down with harsh judgments and words especially when we don't think we're operating at our best. The inner critic will remind us of how we used to perform and that presently, we're just missing the mark which can induce shame and self-loathing. However, the inner critic seldom takes into account our curre...

In times like these, it is even more important to implement strategies to take care of your holistic self. However, in order to do so in times when you're stressed and overwhelmed it is helpful to implement a brief framework to assess how you're really functioning. I suggest consistently asking yourself 3 important questions: Is this helpful for me, Is this healthy for me, and is this worth my ene...

The final segment of the National Wellness Awareness Series includes awareness, attuning, and attending to our societal well-being. Societal well-being has been defined as, "The ability to actively participate in a thriving community, culture, and environment. It involves factors like the quality of relationships, community belonging, access to resources, and the overall sustainability of social s...

When thinking about our wellness, an area that is often neglected is our workplace well-being. We often just view our workplace as a mere job that represents a means to an end. However, we often spend more time with our co-workers and in our workplace than our families and in our home. As a result, it is important to assess your workplace well-being. Workplace well-being has been defined as, "the...

August is National Awareness month which includes various types of well-being. Social well-being includes developing and maintaining meaningful relationships and social support. Due to past traumatic experiences, unhealthy and toxic relationships, and disappointments, cultivating this type of well-being can be most difficult. Although complex and difficult, it is a necessary aspect of tending to o...

August is National Wellness Awareness month which includes aspects of taking care of our holistic health. Social well-being is an aspect of wellness and has been defined as "the ability to communicate, develop meaningful relationships with others, and maintain a support network that helps you overcome loneliness." The former surgeon general pronounced loneliness and isolation as an epidemic that "...

August is National Wellness Awareness month which includes tending to our holistic health. Physical wellness matters and has been defined as "The ability to improve the functioning of our body through healthy living and good exercise habits." Physical wellness entails more than just body image which is the sole focus by some individuals. Physical wellness focuses on the actual functioning of our b...

August is National Awareness Month which in compasses many facets of wellness that include the following: Emotional, physical, social, workplace, and societal well-being. Emotional well-being has been defined as the "ability to practice stress management and relaxation techniques, be resilient, vulnerable, boost self-love, and generate the motions that lead to good feelings." Emotional wellness is...

A passage states, beloved, I wish above all things that you may prosper and be in good health, even as your soul is prospers.  August is National Wellness Awareness month with the purpose of identifying ways to prioritize our wellness which includes the following areas: emotional, social, physical, societal, and workplace.  Why dedicate a month to remind us to take care of our wellbeing? Because "...

There's a passage that states, "God is the Father of all comfort." This passage denotes that there's a need to be comforted. Comfort has been defined as "the easing or alleviation of a person's feeling of grief or distress." It seems pretty simple to accept the need to be comforted, but some struggle with this need because of the stigma of weakness and vulnerability. Some have been conditioned in...

There's a verse that states, "David was distressed...and He encouraged himself in the Lord." There are times in your life where you may also be distressed due to a number of transitions, issues, and relationship losses. The distress may be all too consuming and you're unsure of ways to navigate it. Please take time to draw from a well of encouragement so that you can encourage yourself in times li...

There's a song entitled "Walk in the light". Light illuminates and provides clarity of vision in the midst of darkness. Darkness is symbolic of some hard and difficult times that may represent what many are experiencing in this season. Darkness can be all consuming, overwhelming, and possibly cultivate a spirit of hopelessness and helplessness. However, there's a dawn that pierces through the dark...

There may be some individuals in your life that are energy vampires. Sometimes, these people are friends and families and it may be difficult navigating such relationships. There are several types of energy vampires and it will be beneficial to devise ways to effectively identify and manage these relationships. Managing these relationships are certainly a form of self-care and self-preservation. w...

Instead of asking what's wrong with an individual, the question should be asked what happened to you. This is an appropriate question to ask of people in your life who may be energy vampires.  According to Gupta, there are several ways energy vampires interact within relationships including as the constant victim and criticizer. These types of energy vampires may be stuck in loops where they can't...