Simon Mayo's Confessions

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the collective for another allegedly coherent episode. Bev relives a mixed-hockey tournament pool night in Wakefield, then it’s back to 1969 as Biffo and Buster conduct a science experiment involving fireworks and cow pat. Plus: a 70s house party, “a packet of Planters” confusion, and a public-school Oliver! medley that pushes one housemaster too far....

It’s a very, very special edition of Simon Mayo’s Confessions… a Cluedo special. Five classic confessions are reopened from the crypt, featuring suspicious behaviour on quiet country roads, RAF Police patrols “hunting” late-night Cluedo enthusiasts, and Storm Doris scattering some extremely awkward bin evidence across an English garden. Plus: the Keymaster of ’94 reveals the fatal flaw in a southw...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective. Mike takes us back to 1971, where a cow’s eye from biology class ends up hiding under a canteen lettuce leaf… with Big Cath, Carol-with-an-E. Then Babs squeezes into her teenage daughter’s favourite dress, enjoys 30 seconds of catwalk glory but it all end terribly. Plus: there's a bus-shelter “coolant” taste test, and Steve...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo, Sister Holly, Sister Suzi and Brother Matthew for Episode 7 of Season 8… and yes, the numbering is definitely, probably, completely accurate. Thomas confesses to an 80s campaign of fake-spider terror against his devout granny. Doris’s mum admits to tackling the messiest teenage bedroom on earth. Plus: a 1973 sponsored walk sabotaged with reversed arrows,...

It’s a distinctly international trip into the confessional this week with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective. Craig kicks things off from behind the pharmacy counter in 1989, when an eager attempt to help a customer find “green ones” turns into a mortifying party‑poppers misunderstanding… Then ex‑RAF Police Corporal Binky Blythe teaches an Italian driver a “romantic” phrase that ends up bei...

Episode five of Season Eight drops Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective back into the confessional for more chaos, dodgy logic, and the kind of stories that definitely shouldn’t be told… but are. Joe buys his daughter a life-size skeleton, commits fully by building it a coffin (complete with nameplate: “Mr Bone, RIP”), then watches it reappear in the worst possible place after a house fire —...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for another fresh batch of chaos, questionable life choices, and very loud studio drinks. Karen takes us back to late-70s school rule rebellion with a changing-room ear‑piercing “side hustle” run by Penny the Piercer… using mum’s sewing pins as the “earrings”. Then Steve relives a painfully awkward trip to Boots in Newquay,...

Episode three of Season Eight sees Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective back in the studio for more chaos, coat chat, and questionable decision-making. First: a “guilty and apologetic teacher” (aka Mr Schneebly) reveals how one forgotten gold-plated anniversary pen — and a suit-jacket mix-up mid-interview — may have cost another candidate their dream job… and accidentally won him his. Then Pa...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for another fresh batch of confessions. Alf takes us to South Africa’s “Valley of a Thousand Hills” for a bit of teenage snake-hunting that ends with a biology master going absolutely white. Boomslang, anyone? Rose fights back against a scamp wrecking the ladies’ loo… with a “grown-ups” magazine placed at eye level, and one...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Holy Collective as Season Eight kicks off — minus Brother Matt, who’s apparently busy in his orangery. First up, a “medical emergency” on a quiet Oxfordshire B-road turns into yet another in-progress game of Cluedo… complete with a horn, a thumbs up, and a very hasty getaway. Then Rob hides in the back of the “wrong” VW Beetle outside a chippy and...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for cassette-tape sabotage, 80s vanity, and a honeymoon story you can’t un-hear. “Timothy” takes revenge on late-night Madonna singalongs by planting a whispered haunting on a Like a Virgin cassette… with consequences that end in a smashed stereo and a house move. Felicity discovers her mulleted boyfriend is “playing Cluedo”...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Holy collective. We start with a World Cup watch party that turns into the most awkward buffet raid imaginable.. Storm Doris exposes “mum and dad time” evidence. Sarah “borrows” her brother’s badly behaved dog on Brancaster beach and denies everything. And we finish with Herb's show off moment, that causes chaos in a local village. Got a confessio...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for another “Confessions from the Crypt” special — lock the doors and grab your torch. Maria Callas (from Middlesbrough, obviously) reveals how a snowbound dash for the only train to London ended with her welded to Eric Cantona’s chest… Then one anonymous parent admits to a decade-long lie involving their daughter and a micr...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for 80s burger-van feuds, a keyboard prank that goes wildly “professional”, and a revenge plot involving five pounds of fish and three pints of maggots. Ellie relives a small-town grudge match, a school-disco “sex god”, and the moment her arch enemy gets sacked while she keeps very quiet about the free burgers. Plus: Wifey s...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for RAF police “Batmobile” patrols that terrorise midnight Cluedo players… and accidentally spotlight the boss. Max relives a 1989 traffic jam, a suspiciously wide-necked Apple-Aid bottle, and a lay-by moment that ends with an unfortunate “gift” for a grateful hitchhiker. Then Jani’s missing neon tetra is found in the worst...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for sibling “rugby practice” that ends in A&E, a holiday comeback that goes painfully wrong, a Dolly Parton impression and a truly grim Vaseline mix-up. Nick relives 1984: a beanbag tackle bag, a perfectly executed “chop tackle”, and a sister’s head meeting a handmade doll’s house — followed by a bunk-bed cover story… an...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Collective for exam cheating in a lucky jumper, a welding lesson that goes catastrophically… south, and a nursing “snapshot” you may not want to hear while eating. First, Homer admits to a very 70s kind of malpractice: smuggling fully-loaded notes into a final exam on official paper and somehow ending up a headteacher. Then apprentice welder Steve...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for naked ramblers, dodgy “shampoo”, and a circus moment nobody in grey trousers will ever forget. Jamie and Sara take a sat-nav shortcut straight into a countryside encounter with a group of naturist ramblers — and a hedge full of nettles. Don’t look… but you will. Then Tim rewinds to bath night, 1968: a seven-year-old, an...

Step into the confessional with Father Simon and the Collective for a police mishap, a fishing adventure, a boarding school caper and a teacher prank. First Joe DiMaggio has an eventful break with his fellow police colleagues involving a broken pool cue. Then Steven’s going on a fishing adventure, but watch out for the fish hooks. Plus: Julie is asking for forgiveness for a prank on a fellow teach...

Step into the confessional with Father Simon and the Collective for soup-based horror, airborne football crimes, and one truly catastrophic “wind” in an operating theatre. First, a classic from the crypt: Lorraine’s 80s tin-code mix-up leaves a brother eating chicken soup… plus a black, gelatinous blob of mould, followed by two days in hospital that nobody even notices. Then Alf’s military hangove...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for a vintage school-days reckoning, a Wembley fishbone emergency, lockdown jigsaw vengeance, and a fairground waterslide disaster. Nigel relives the wild early-80s logic of collective punishment after a playground scuffle leaves a classmate dangling from a fence — and an innocent kid caught in the mix for reporting stolen t...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for an episode full of sibling sabotage, supermarket shame, and the perils of damp underpants. Tim admits to a targeted reign of terror on his little brother. John’s 1999 CFAX football obsession ends in disaster, Richard loses control of some “loose grapes” at Sutton Safeway, and Mike’s sixth-form skinny-dipping leaves a ver...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Collective for another batch of confessions. In a classic from the crypt, a lonely trucker accepts one Guinness too many… then points a hopeful Beryl to entirely the wrong big red lorry. Then it’s Jan’s rabbit escape that ends in an axe, a fingertip flap, and a grandad who chooses bunny retrieval over first aid. Plus: a prison officer’s catastroph...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the collective for a week of blocked sinks, fake hospital letters, and staff training-day chaos. First, Susie’s raspberry-peach smoothie turns into a fermented crime scene that takes out the call-centre kitchenette. Then Jeanette commits peak springtime mischief by forging a hospital letter recommending “Morris dancing therapy” for her grumpy husband’...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for an episode featuring village newsletters, VHS carnage and a cigarette-based science experiment that absolutely shouldn’t be repeated. First, nine-year-old James “helps” his vicar dad with a community email… Then Rebecca admits she turned a brand-new VHS player into a Hot Wheels garage, and let her little brother take the...