Simon Mayo's Confessions

Step into the confessional for a special delve into the crypt for this week's episode of Simon Mayo's Confessions! First: a Devon carnival prank goes full folk‑horror when a lovingly crafted coffin is launched into a river… and drifts 20 miles into the local paper. Then a “helpful” son‑in‑law turns “bingo” into “strip club” on his mother‑in‑law’s phone — with an email to a politician as the punchl...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Collective for a week of stains, spirits and seriously questionable decisions First up, a gem from the crypt: Soviet-era Ukraine, super-strength homemade vodka, and a flock of geese who get so hammered they’re mistaken for dead… until they reappear very much alive, very naked, and very honky. Then Richard admits to provoking the Tokoloshi in 1970s...

Landing in your inbox on Good Friday (or whenever you’re brave enough to press play), Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective are back with Parish Notice Board gossip, five-star reviews, and a Not For Broadcast pile that should probably come with protective gloves. First: a wholesome family holiday in Cornwall goes slightly… medicinal when a sleep-deprived dad reaches for teething gel in the dar...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo, Sister Suzi, Sister Holly and Brother Matthew for another round of sins, five-star reviews, parish noticeboard gossip… and the dreaded Not For Broadcast pile. First, Tony’s half-term Lanzarote breakfast goes nuclear when a Tabasco bottle takes a Tom Daley-style dive into the Rice Krispies. Then Helen, armed with a hospital litre of water and perimenopaus...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for another week of packed confessions. First up Adam relives the three-channel era and, in a strop over Corrie, does the unthinkable… and plunges an entire village into a total blackout. Louise’s Brighton hen-do goes from bubbles to life drawing to accidentally gifting a homeless man cake… and a bag full of very questionabl...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo, Sister Holly and Brother Matthew for a slightly shorter episode that still delivers three absolute belters — plus Parish Notice Board gossip, five-star reviews, and a heated debate about how on earth you say 'guacamole'. We first walk down the cold marble steps for a confession from the crypt involving ashes, an urn and a vacuum cleaner. Then Mr C, a tra...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confession Collective for another week of chaos, questionable logic, and tape-speed chat that nobody fully understands (7 and a half IPS, apparently). First: Clara’s lunchtime ice creams take a horrifying turn when a “respectful” window manoeuvre collides with a cathedral town funeral. Then Sally relives childhood vengeance as a Cindy-doll disaste...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo, Sister Suzi, Sister Holly and Brother Matthew for another week of chaos. First: a 1950s boarding school in Kenya where the boys welcome new UK teachers with the ultimate classroom icebreaker… bright green pet snakes, smuggled under shirts and released onto desks. Then Bob’s Tenerife chip run goes catastrophically windy, ending with paper plates, ketchup,...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the crew for another week of sinful silliness, dubious logic, and a very firm reminder to… respect the cupboard. First up, Luke fakes a twisted ankle at his twins’ birthday bash and “heads to A&E”… only to limp straight to The Force Awakens, then on to TGI Fridays for a full debrief with “Han”. Dark side behaviour? Then Seaman Steve wages class wa...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the crew for a week caught between Valentine’s Day love and Friday-the-13th superstition. First up: Litmus relives the childhood horror of £40 Caterpillar boots that “mysteriously” shrank on a seaside stroll in Bray… until mum discovers the real culprit still stuffed inside. Then Jane’s triumphant jeans-buying trip goes spectacularly wrong when a stub...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the crew for another week of confession chaos. Sister Goldenhair attempts a 10-day silent meditation retreat in Thailand… only to be derailed by a tree frog, a “hot monk”, and an unsanctioned breakout into the countryside that ends with a full-blown Karma Chameleon singalong to some very understanding cows. Then it’s building-surveyor bedlam as Mike a...

Enter the confessional with Simon Mayo for another laugh-out-loud episode of Confessions! This week, hear Jo’s hilariously awkward tale of miscommunication involving "personal effects" that leads to a shocking discovery while cleaning a colleague’s home. With some very personal photographs inadvertently packaged for a hospital visit, the embarrassment is palpable! Then, feel the heat as T-Bandit c...

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo for another uproarious episode of confessions! This week, prepare for chaos as Professor Pat Pending shares his tale of friendly intentions gone awry in the bustling streets of Saudi Arabia, leading to a near disaster at a traffic light. Michael has a very ambitious backward confession that reveals how his mischievous cat, Eugene, turned a neighbour's Sun...

Step into the confessional as Simon Mayo guides you through another hilarious episode of confessions! This week, join the uproarious antics of Naughty Nobby as he recounts his epic school pranks that spiraled out of control. From mischievous cake-swapping in domestic science class to wreaking havoc on his brother Min Min's Lego city, the laughter never stops. Plus, hear about the unforeseen conseq...

Step into the confessional as Simon Mayo rings in 2026 with fresh confessions that are sure to tickle your funny bone. This week, meet the Fate Day Felon, who makes a questionable choice at a summer fate. Prepare for unexpected twists with Ridders’ mix-up on a film set that leaves everyone in stitches. Plus Larry's supermarket debacle leads to an embarrassing misunderstanding and Andrew's cringewo...

Despite Simon being sick at home the countdown continues. Join Simon Mayo and the Confessional Collective as they dive into part two of the 2025 Top 10 Confessions Countdown! In this hilarious episode, prepare for a wild ride as we unveil confessions that span from a disastrous wedding encounter involving a Swedish impersonation to the chaos of student social work, a Cluedo cad, a passport mix up...

Kick off the new year with a special treat in part one of Simon Mayo's Best of the Confessions Podcast! Join Simon and the Confessional Collective as they relive the top 10 confessions of 2025. You'll fine 10-6 right here which starts with Tom's unforgettable tale of a drunken mishap at a vegan party. Prepare to laugh as Kevin spills a shocking story from his days as cabin crew, involving a rather...

Get ready for a jolly good time with Simon Mayo’s Confessions in this festive Christmas Eve special! Join Simon and the Confessional Collective as they dive into side-splitting confessions, starting with Nick's cheeky tale of chocolate temptation, Ollie shares his Christmas Eve shopping disaster that transforms Waitrose into a hilariously chaotic scene with bouncing cranberries and unexpected gues...

Step into the festive spirit with the 100th episode of Simon Mayo's Confessions! Join Simon and the Confessional Collective as they celebrate this milestone with hilarious tales of mishaps and misadventures. From David’s unforgettable Christmas sign mix-up to Howard’s covert pocket money scheme gone horribly wrong, each confession will leave you in stitches! Plus, don’t miss Tony's golf swing disa...

Step into the uproarious world of Simon Mayo's Confessions in this week's episode! Join Simon and the Confessional Collective as they dive into hilarious mishaps, starting with Georgina's "Search for the Hero," a lockdown tale that leads to unexpected generosity from a tire shop. Then, get ready for a mouthful with Michael’s culinary blunder at a charity event, serving up a surprise for unsuspecti...

Join us for a wild and hilarious episode of Simon Mayo's Confessions! Prepare for laughs as Martin and his son Rufus reminisce about a mishap in their family's past involving an oxy-acetylene torch, an old sewer cover, and quite the explosion! Nicky recounts an unforgettable housekeeping horror show that involves a vacuum cleaner and a sprinkling of ashes. Del Boy has an interesting encounter duri...

Welcome back to another side-splitting episode of Simon Mayo's Confessions! This week, we're diving into the hilarity of parental pride gone awry as Mike shares a mortifying tale from the pub toilets. Another Mike has an embarrassing episode picking his dad up from hospital. Foghorn recounts a DIY disaster involving a neighbour's tree that leads to unexpected collateral damage, whilst Dave confess...

Step into the hilarious chaos of Simon Mayo's Confessions in this week’s episode! We're kicking things off with Tom, who shares a childhood mishap involving an axe, his brother, and a dramatic trip to A&E—all while contemplating the parenting choices of the '80s. Then Darcy comes up with a creative yet dubious cover story for her friend. Mark’s story is of a daring, if not chilly, dare during...

Gather round for another uproarious episode of Simon Mayo's Confessions! This week, we set sail with Mr. Bartholomew Blackbeard, who recounts a hilariously chaotic night at a Caribbean rum bar that ends with a drunken quest to find his yacht among a sea of look-alikes. His tale of adventure and mistaken identities is sure to have you in stitches. Plus, we've got confessions from Nigel about a snow...

Step into the spooky confessional for a thrilling Halloween edition of Simon Mayo's Confessions! Join Father Simon and the entertaining Confessional Collective as they dive into mischievous tales that are both hilarious and hair-raising. This week, Peter recalls his childhood escapades with Clive, filled with javelin throwing and a shocking hornet's nest incident! From there, hear Boo's clever but...