Frontline Fifth

SPOILER WARNING: This episode contains spoilers for the ENTIRE LOCKED TOMB SERIES - Gideon the Ninth, Harrow the Ninth, Alecto the Ninth, and all published short stories, including "The Unwanted Guest." This week, all four bone witches talk through The Unwanted Guest and its...implications. We also play a game where we make a truly terrible story, and we all engage in RAMPANT SPECULATION together!...

SPOILER SECTION: Marie sounds like she recorded on a potato (sorry) and ALLLL the bone witches can go ham on spoilers! There is no safe section!  Join us next week to read "The Unwanted Guest" but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts. Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and s...

SAFETY WARNING: There is heavy talk about mental health this episode. Proceed with caution, and if you need to talk to someone, help is available 24/7 in the US by dialing or texting 988. SAFE SECTION: We almost talk ourselves into reading the Bible for the Alectopause (we won't); we all agree that Jod is a POS; Noodle is in the back; we all agree to launch immunologists into the sun. SPOILER SECT...

​​SAFE SECTION: Marie is a hater (we get it, but enough already), and we celebrate by giving gifts.  SPOILER SECTION: Hannah knows (and fears) what the message is. Please note - we probably have some slip ups misgendering a new character - it is not malicious or intentional, and we do get better. Join us next week as we draw the Tower in Nona the Ninth John 5:4 and Chapter 30 but til then, stay sa...

SPOILER SECTION: Marie and Hannah look for the FTL ships and try on different names for G-. Join us next week to find something very nearly perfect in Nona the Ninth Chapters 28 and 29 but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts. Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear wor...

​​SAFE SECTION: Marie starts a cult, Brooke's heart broke five times, Hannah has goose bumps, and John will be writing a song called "Celestial Piece of Sh!t." Also, we are impossible to keep on task, topic, or focus this episode. Enjoy!  Join us next week to find something very nearly perfect in Nona the Ninth Chapters 28 and 29 but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock...

​​SAFE SECTION: We all think about defending Judith Deuteros and learn about the saddest girl in the world; John dibs a few band names; Marie, Hannah, and Brooke give an impromptu biology lesson; and Brooke and John do some soul math. SPOILER SECTION: Marie and Hannah do their own soul math and go searching for bodies while being insufferable pedants. Join us next week to seek out some old friends...

SAFETY WARNING: There is a lot of talk these chapters and this episode about self-harm. Proceed with caution, and if you need to talk to someone, help is available 24/7 in the US by dialing or texting 988. SAFE SECTION: John is the bad cheese, and we all(?) strap on our swords and play our most depressing game to date. SPOILER SECTION: Hannah and Marie speculate about what speculating with the new...

Act None- Sorry penitents! There has been a small delay. Please stay tuned. We are definitely back next week, and if you say some solid 9th House prayers, perhaps before then. Love you, bye!

​​SAFE SECTION: We come up with the absolute worst code words, but the best shows about the extras. Brooke and John muse about a "throuple" soul, while John searches for the center of the donut. SPOILER SECTION: Marie and Hannah muse about souls and identities, and our hopes for Alecto. Join us next week to get in one last duel in Nona the Ninth Chapters 22 & 23, but til then, stay safe my Nin...

​​SAFE SECTION: Brooke and John are too sweet and innocent to throw a proper tantrum, but they do get enthusiastic about recipes for human flesh. SPOILER SECTION: Marie and Hannah muse about tantrums, dreams, and dogs. Join us next week to make a deal  in Nona the Ninth Chapter 21 and John 9:22 but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without...

​​SAFE SECTION: John promises "unholy vengeance" upon Marie and Hannah, we all get morose over Cam and Pal's recordings, and we show how much tact we can show in impossible situations. SPOILER SECTION: Marie and Hannah talk yet again about Cam and Pal, and Marie doesn't try (and succeeds?) to convince to Hannah about how Pash is an interesting and really cool character. Join us next week to have a...

SAFE SECTION: We go evo-devo on Noodle's arboreal legs, learn about cows, try to remember English history, and Marie is an insufferable know-it-all about cows. SPOILER SECTION: Marie and Hannah speculate about John, the nun, and the Angel. Join us in TWO WEEKS to listen to other people’s messages in Nona the Ninth Chapters 17, 18, and John 5:1, but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember...

​​SAFE SECTION: Oh boy. We end up spiraling about capitalism. SPOILER SECTION: Hannah and Marie have yet another deep conversation about what love is, and what it is not. Join us next week to sneak away to explore Nona the Ninth Chapter 16 and John 19:18 but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts. C...

​​SAFE SECTION: We all peg each others' types in this week's game, and then Brooke and John are off and running into completely unhinged theoryland. SPOILER SECTION: Marie and Hannah get deep and philosophical thinking about what Crown really wants. Pull up next week in the car with the grille in Chapter 15 and John 8:1, but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs...

​​SAFE SECTION: So many memes! A long conversation about holobionts! John hopped up on caffeine and pacing! This episode has it all! SPOILER SECTION: Hannah and Marie talk about everyone's secrets and Marie almost convinces Hannah that two thigh machetes isn't terrible (or is terrible, but is at least interesting). Join us next week to stop in on an old friend  in Chapters 13 and 14 but til then,...

​​SAFE SECTION: Marie develops a Mithraeum perfume. (Fun fact - you can find out what space smells like for yourself! Here on Earth! And heck, while we are linking things, here is a good article. ) We explain NFTs to John (not really, but it sounds funnier that way). Honestly, so many tangents.  SPOILER SECTION: Hannah and Marie examine necro/cav relationships. Join us next week to hear what is se...

SAFE SECTION: Brooke is an enchilada, John sweeps around his house in a cloak, we learn that Nona is good at making SMART goals. SPOILER SECTION: Hannah has questions about eyes, and Marie rants about dogs. Join us next week to keep Camilla home in Chapter 10 and John 5:18, but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because,...

​​SAFE SECTION: The gang wants to know your opinions about oatmeal cookies, and then Brooke will explain her elaborate plan to steal restaurant dishes, John confesses to eating a stick of butter, and everyone except John is insufferable about PhDs. SPOILER SECTION: Hannah and Marie are obsessed with Pyrrha. Join us next week to watch us move some hands in Chapters 9, 10, and John 15:23 but til the...

​​SAFE SECTION: We all compare notes on our daily ablutions and tell each other bedtime stories, John convinces Brooke of Crown's identity, and Brooke and John decide they know who Nona is. SPOILER SECTION: Marie and Hannah spend a lot of time talking about Pyrrha and picking apart Cam's bedtime story. Next week, wake up with a wet sponge to the face  in Chapters 7 and 8 but til then, stay safe my...

SAFE SECTION: Brooke and John are still frustrated, and getting used to a different pacing. SPOILER SECTION: Marie and Hannah talk about names and puzzle through chapter icons. Join us next week to hear a bedtime story  in Chapters 5, 6, and John 5:20 but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts. Cont...

SAFE SECTION: We all spend way too long reminiscing about the birth of the internet until we fall into an abyss of cringe. John is exasperated, Brooke is flabbergasted, Marie is enjoying this all too much, and Hannah continues to be the mastermind.  SPOILER SECTION: Hannah and Marie compare notes with the newbies nascent theories. Join us next week to hear about gang initiation  in Chapters 2, 3 &...

Surprise! We are benevolent bone witches, and so we interrupt your longing with a leetle teaser episode. We all talk about the Dramatis Personae and new poem in Nona the Ninth, and then you can listen to Brooke and John as they give their live reactions to the first chapter in Nona the Ninth. Join us next year when we meet Nona for real, but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to...

SAFE SECTION: Kara, the Mastermind of Bone Island and other quality content, joins the cast to play a succession of exceedingly silly games.  Find Kara on TikTok , or listen to Lesbians are Brutal wherever you get your podcasts! Join us in January when we start Nona the Ninth next season! You can tide yourself over with bonus content on our Patreon, but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and rem...

SPOILER SECTION: Lizzi joins the bone witches as they go into RAMPANT SPECULATION land and trade their most favorite and close-held theories. Follow Lizzi on TikTok or Tumblr ! Join us next week to hear a special games episode with guest star Kara but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts. Content...