Blue Balls NYCFC

You want to think more about that game? Really? Okay. You're the boss. We do as much toro talk as we can tolerate before chatting options and negotiations, Miazga's "new phone who dis", and the gentleman's B Team lineup against Atlanta's own limited lineup. However else your week's been, you've got Blue Balls. Alt: Sex And Death At Camp Miazga

We did it, blue ballers - we snapped the winless streak! And away from home, no less! So why don’t I feel any better? Jake and Trey break down three messy points from two messy matches, including a banished Benie, a Nico supernova, Agustin getting ojed’a every defender, and much more. Plus: Cavan Sullivan Corner, So Long Seymour, and some fond player reminiscences of yesteryear. And - a butthole-c...

Welcome back, Blue Ballers! Jake & Trey record an abbreviated beacon to recap a frisky but frustrating home match against Nashville, then precap the Revs of New England and the Reals of Salt Lake. Blink and you might hurt yourself — you’ve got Blue Balls.

Because we have to, we have recorded an episode for you. The boys talk mind-numbing performances, contract extensions, premier league plotlines, and whether the nasty Nash will leave a rash at Yankee Stadium this weekend. Don't struggle, let the August malaise wash over you; you've got Blue Balls.

Are we turning the corner, Blue Ballers? Jake & Trey break down our first point in some time against the Revs and recent redcoat Jack Harrison. We talk keeper duels, Sands-y shore-ups, statement substitutions, and more. Plus: Prem prattle, playoff perversions, and primo player payola! Plus Plus: at a time of rising Canadian rage, we square off once again with Canada. Wipe up that maple syrup:...

Don't open your veins just yet, NYCFC faithful. Come commiserate with your pals. We chat the brutal 2-3 loss to Philly and the misery in the 91st minute against Cincinnati. Plus rumors out of Romania, and your questions and comments. Plus: will Mr. Harrison jack three points from NYCFC? Or will New England find the pigeons Revolting? Put the safety back on that thing; you've got Blue Balls. 

Say hello to our Luighi friend Blue Ballers, we got Leagues Cup x3 to chat about so Jake and Trey break that whole mess down. With a little bit on Nico's radio silence, Plucky Philly, and YOUR comments and questions? Strap on in, you've got Blue Balls.

Ugh! Yuck! Trey and Jake wade through the wet fart to recap a 1-1 draw against our northern neighbors, then talk Berg, Brad, Todd, ‘Had, and more. Plus, listen to Trey one-up me by pronouncing it “Em-Equis” as we talk Leagues Cup. Check your pretty privilege: you’ve got Blue Balls.

Six points in two games! This was not the NYCFC Jake and Trey expected to return to! We talk Malachi's big moment, the ice in the veins of the Iceman, a truly free Nico Fernandez, a gander at the Goose, and much more. Plus: Gotham ascendant and could Etihad Stadium become Luighi's Manison? And: Toronto, ever so briefly. Get a good seat on the ferry: you've got Blue Balls.

Cup's over. We're back. Check the humidity report - you've got Blue Balls.

It’s the World Cup, Blue Ballers, and the guys talk about it. Triggered???

Jake & Trey find a minute between matches to talk transfers/rumors, aussie assassination, the unbotchable poch, and much more in this world cup casual-cast. Don't let go of that barstool — you've got Blue Balls. (alt. title: Hentai Boys Trip)

Short one this week, blue ballers. Your fine fellows chat three lossless after seven winless and so much more, including a 1-1 draw in Jersey, the misery of a messed-up Maxi, halves that made us whole, and much more. Make sure to pack your neck pillow and your special cushion — you’ve got Blue Balls.

Yer charming chuds chat seven winless matches and the balm in gilead we found in Harrison, New Jersey; the perpetually orphaned Nico, Australian ankles, misplaced Maxi, and more — plus a piteous precap of our date with the Crew and some teeth gritting and table setting for the final pre-cup weeks. Check the frozen foods aisle — you’ve got Blue Balls. 

Your soccer sots spill tea on NYCFC's one point out of six in the last two matches and the miserable turn a once-promising season has taken. We chat Farnos' first-time first-team start, the baleful boys at the back line, the ghost of Martinez, judgments on Jansen, and much more. Plus: will NYCFC cost Matt Freese his USMNT glory? And: can we wrench some momentum from an equally-miserable Red Bulls...

Yer cheeky chappies chat every hair-pulling minute of NYCFC’s 1-2 loss to a charmless Charlotte FC. We talk a Nico nipped in the bud, a baffled back line, a faithless front, and so much more. Plus: Pascal’s pugilism in the press. And: a warning about the wages of Cin. Make sure you keep your phone in your back pocket — you’ve got Blue Balls.

Yer fine fellas chat two matches, one chummy and one glummy, including this week's Talles talk, end-to-end entropy, miserably missing Martins, The Return of the Mala-King, Goose on the loose upstate, and much more. Plus: more World Cup handwringing, a Crocker of Shit, missing managers in Miami, and Chicago chat. And: a charming Charlotte precap ahead of Saturday's match. Call the pope and apologiz...

Yer chummy chuds chew cud on: stoppage time disappointments and whether Wolf’s chomping on the competition; thin back lines and compressed chances; plus salary caps and NYCFC raps, and Cascadian / Scarsdalian precaps. Open your fu*ckin podcast app, you crazy bastards: you’ve got Blue Balls!

Fellas flappin gums on Leo delivering the first L of the season, VARguments, Nico's suave set pieces, and much more. Plus: Italian anguish, American anxiety, and losing the best of us. And finally a short & sweet St. Lou previou. You think that's underwear you're wearing? April Fools: you've got Blue Balls.

Chum chat on a 3-1 streak extender, Nic O'Fernandez, the MagNine Opus, toothless Wolf, press like garlic, and much more. plus: multi-use stadia arcadia, men on the March, Gotham on the 7 train, and more. And finally: an idkcap for an unusually messi Miami. Put that bracket down — you’ve got Blue Balls.

Da guys dig in to a veritable feast of blue vibes this week to chat a 5-0 victory over Orlando, NYCFC's es-Crep-e hatch, time travelin' Maxi, the Ojeda tornada', five-star service, redistricting Parks up to the line, and more. Plus: Tally up another Magnochat, and: a Colorado team making a rapids ascent. Don't sprint outside for the 65 degree weather: you've got Blue Balls.

The fellas talk giving 100% on a trip down I-95, Ojeda foreva, the Year of Graygical Thinking, tactical overloads and practical roads, Penso's pensive penalty process, playing the Sims until we're Dun, what we'd like to Seymour of, and as always, an Orlando precap that will have you roaring, and we ain't lion. Don't strain yourself shoveling snow for a city payday — you've got Blue Balls.

Shorter blurbs this year, Blue Ballers. Yer mans talk experiments, prayer circles and horseshoes, winning wing winks, penalties and punishments, PRO posture, messi mishigas, and of course, phinish with a Philly precap. Bundle up, blizzardinos: you've got Blue Balls.

Did you miss us, Blue Ballers? Of course not — you never had the chance to! Watch Club is over and Jake & Trey are laser-focused on the footy, so all you fairweather listeners can come out of the woodwork. And bring your golf pencils and moleskines with you, because our time-honored tradition returns. That's right, it's the OVER/UNDER season precap! Jake & Trey set lines and meld minds as...

Ahoyhoy Blue Ballers, another episode here where the boys in blue are inching closer to the real stuff. Jake and Trey break down the two NYCFC preseason friendlies for the first televised soccer of the year. Then, a circling back (yes, again) to the Moussa Sylla failed transfer saga and where the club goes from here. Plus: The armchair analyst is back to the armchair, and the new kit for 2026. Fin...