CALLING HOME with Whitney Goodman, LMFT

Content warning: This episode contains descriptions of emotional and physical abuse, parental alcoholism, and the death of a parent. A mom emails "I give up" after a tense visit. A dad who never intervened during abusive situations suddenly delivers a lecture on forgiveness and God. Whitney answers two callers who want closeness with a parent but keep hitting a family system that won&#39...

Content warning: This episode contains descriptions of childhood rejection, bullying, and family abuse. "Too much" and "not enough" at the same time: that's how today’s guest describes growing up in a family that treats ADHD as a character flaw. Kristen Carder is the host of the I Have ADHD Podcast and author of You're Not in Trouble: The ADHD Guide to Building Healthy,...

Content warning: This episode contains descriptions of childhood abuse, including emotional and physical abuse, and a grandparent's inappropriate behavior toward children. In this Q&A episode, a listener writes in about a father who minimized her mother's abuse. The second listener describes growing up as the family scapegoat. Resources mentioned in the episode: When Grief and Anger Li...

Jordan Pickell is the author of Untangling the Ties That Bind: Heal Enmeshment Trauma and Break Dysfunctional Patterns with Family Members. Jordan joins Whitney to explain why enmeshment can feel endearing from the inside. They discuss how to separate closeness and cultural values from control. They also talk about being a parent who grew up enmeshed and how to raise kids without swinging into a n...

Content warning: This episode contains descriptions of physical and emotional abuse by a parent. This week Whitney answers three questions on spending time with family during the holidays. One listener finally enjoys the holidays since skipping her authoritarian parents' Christmas and wants to know what happens when she runs out of excuses. Another listener asks whether to FaceTime her in-laws...

You have about four weeks until Thanksgiving. Many people spend them dreading it and then repeat last year's holiday all over again. Whitney responds to comments she got on Instagram about the hardest parts of the holidays. A handful of themes emerged including grief, other people's expectations, faking it, and watching everyone else's family. She also speaks to the parents and sibling...

Content warning: This episode contains descriptions of childhood emotional neglect, verbal and physical abuse, and parental abduction. How is it that your grandmother is loving and steady to you, but failed to raise your mother in a way that she can do the same? A fellow therapist writes in about exactly that, and Whitney offers a way to hold both truths at once. In the second listener question, a...

Whitney is fed up with how the "concept creep" of estrangement gets used to shut down conversations about real family harm. She traces the term back to psychologist Nick Haslam's actual 2016 research, then walks through decades of data that make the case these harms aren't new, just newly named. Sign up to spend the holidays with us at Calling Home: https://cmnyyv4kpyt.typeform.c...

Content warning: This episode contains descriptions of child abuse, sexual abuse of a child, infidelity, and family estrangement. A listener writes in with a lifetime of family secrets. She asks Whitney how to heal and move forward after finally breaking a cycle her parents and grandparents never did. Whitney draws the line between a parent's past regret and a child's present safety, and m...

Journalist Ashley Oerman joins Whitney to talk about her new book, Motherf*cked: How to Stop Your Mother's Toxic Drama from Ruining Your Life, and the low contact relationship with her own mother that inspired it. Connect with Ashley Oerman Book, Motherf*cked: How to Stop Your Mother's Toxic Drama from Ruining Your Life: https://link.amazon/B0jexMTjK As an Amazon Associate I earn from qual...

A listener spent years hoping her two divorced, emotionally immature parents would finally take accountability, only to watch the same excuses repeat with new partners. Whitney answers the question of whether parents ever really change later in life and how to handle it if they don’t. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership c...

Every dysfunctional family needs somewhere to put the blame, and one person usually ends up holding it for everyone else. Whitney traces the history of the word scapegoat, then walks through the research on why one child gets cast as the family's problem: not because of what they did, but because of what the family needed. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and...

Whitney answers two listener questions this week: one from a woman who's been cut off by her parents because of her marriage and another from a woman who found her family badmouthing her, her marriage, and her parenting in a separate family group text. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people na...

Content warning: This episode contains descriptions of domestic violence, violence against women, and past abuse. Whitney talks with Dr. Shefali Tsabary, author of the twin books Raising Conscious Sons and Raising Conscious Daughters, about what boys and girls each need to thrive right now in our current society. The through-line: you can't hand your child a self you haven't worked on, and...

Whitney answers questions from listeners. The first from a woman who despite living blocks from her aging father can’t seem to connect with him. The second question is from a mother planning for the day her estranged mother tries to contact her kids. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate...

Content warning: This episode contains descriptions of childhood physical and emotional abuse, neglect, and the death of a parent.  Psychologist Dr. Sherrie Campbell, creator of the viral TikTok series on "low effort families”, joins Whitney to unpack what it looks like to show up just enough to avoid blame while giving almost nothing that children really need. Connect with Dr. Sherrie Campbe...

Content warning: This episode contains descriptions of emotional abuse, ongoing harassment, and a mention of suicidal ideation. In this Q&A episode, Whitney answers a woman whose parents keep sending guilt-laden texts and showing up uninvited. In the second question, a listener's therapist keeps telling her to decide what she wants from her parents before she feels ready. Whitney Goodman is a...

Content warning: This episode contains descriptions of child abuse and corporal punishment.  Stephanie Warren was taught that her parents beating her was proof of their love, because in the fundamentalist Christian world she grew up in, that was what love was allowed to look like. She and Whitney talk through how her parents rationalized the abuse, why she eventually went no contact, and what...

Content warning: This episode contains descriptions of child abuse and domestic violence. In this Q&A episode, answers a question from a woman whose parents responded to her request for space by suing her for access to her children. In the second question, from a man whose mother stayed with an abusive partner and is still with him today. He asks what to make of a parent who chose someone else...

People don't walk into a therapist's office and say they're having a differentiation problem. They say they feel like a different person around their family, or that they have a whole life their parents know nothing about. Whitney walks through what differentiation actually is, and the four very different situations people are in when they can't be themselves around family. In this episode, you'll...

In this Q&A episode, Whitney answers two questions from listening asking what their responsibility is to people who aren’t going to change. In question one: a stepmom asks how much to intervene with a 19 year old stepson who is getting pulled back into a controlling household. In question two: a woman who seeks advice about parents who give her migraines and stomachaches every time they call....

Content warning: This episode discusses suicide, postpartum psychosis, and the deaths of children, and includes detailed discussion of the Lindsay Clancy case. The Lindsay Clancy trial revealed a family that was educated, involved, genuinely, and yet still could not see how much danger their family member was in. This is not an episode about what the Clancys did wrong. It's about why people concea...

In this Q&A episode, Whitney answers questions about parents who pull back instead of facing accountability. In question one: a father goes silent for a year after his daughter discovers he secretly bought her sister a house. In question two: a mother wants a third family therapy session, after quitting the last two the moment the therapist named something she didn't like.  Whitney Goodma...

Content warning: This episode contains descriptions of child abuse and references to sexual abuse. Kreed, host of the Estranged Heart Podcast, shares her perspective as both a formerly estranged adult daughter and a formerly estranged mother, now reconciled with her daughters. Kreed and Whitney cover the common mistakes parents make when first reconnecting with children and what their children act...

Content warning: This episode contains descriptions of domestic violence, child abuse, and suicidal ideation. In this Q&A episode, Whitney answers questions about families who respond with denial when being called out. In question one: a parent threatens suicide to shut down an argument. In question two: two parents shield each other instead of the kids. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage...