A Day at a Time Reflections

The minute we think about a twisted or broken relationship with another person, our emotions go on the defensive. To avoid looking at the wrongs we've done another, we resentfully focus on the wrong he or she has done us. With a sense of triumph, we seize upon his or her slightest misbehavior as the perfect excuse for minimizing or forgetting our own. We have to remember that we're not the only on...

"Direct" is a key word in the Ninth Step. There are times, unfortunately, when many of us are hopeful that indirect amends will suffice, sparing us the pain and supposed humiliation of approaching people in person and telling them of our wrongs. This is evasion and will never give us a true sense of breaking with the wrongdoings of the past. It shows that we're still trying to defend something tha...

When we take the Ninth Step, we must be willing to be absolutely honest. Obviously, though, indiscriminate "absolute honesty" would blow the roof off many a house and entirely destroy some relationships. We must hold nothing back through deceit and pride; we may need to hold something back through discretion and consideration for others. Just when and how we tell the truth-or keep silent-can often...

The Gamblers Anonymous Program teaches us that only one consideration should qualify our desire to completely disclose the damage we've done. And that's where a full revelation would seriously harm the one to whom we're making amends - or, just as important, others close to that person. We can hardly unload a detailed account of extramarital misadventures, for example, on the shoulders of an unsus...

I believe today that I have a right to make spiritual progress. I have a right to be emotionally mature. I have a right to take pleasure in my own company, and that makes me more pleasant to be with. I also have a right to become willing - deeply willing, entirely willing to make amends to all those I've harmed. Because I can now accept myself the way I am, I can accept other people the way they a...

Readiness to take the full consequences of our past acts, and to take responsibility for the well-being of others at the same time, is the very spirit of Step Nine. A casual apology, on the one hand, will rarely suffice in making amends to one we have harmed; a true change of attitude, in contrast, can do wonders to make up for past unkindnesses. If I've deprived anyone of any material thing, I'll...

The Ninth Step of the Gamblers Anonymous Program is: "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." To make restitution for the wrongs we've done can be extremely difficult, to say the least; if nothing else, it deflates our egos and batters our pride. Yet that in itself is a reward, and such restitution can bring still greater rewards. Whe...

Learning how to live in peace and partnership with all men and women-is a fascinating and often very moving adventure. But each of us in Gamblers Anonymous has found that we're not able to make much headway in our new adventure of living until we first take the time to make an accurate and unsparing survey of the human wreck age we've left in our wake. Have I made a list of persons I have harmed,...

Somewhere along the line, as we become more involved in the Gamblers Anonymous Program, we reach a sharp awareness of the growth - value of honesty and candor. When this happens, one of the first things we're able to admit is that our past behavior has been far from sane or even reasonable. As soon as we can make this admission - without shame or embarrassment - we find still another dimension of...

I don't believe that the Gamblers Anonymous Program and the Twelve Steps work because I read it in a book, or because I hear other people say so. I believe it because I see other people recovering and because I know that I, too, am recovering. No longer do I believe that I am "helpless and hopeless." When I see the change in other people and in myself, I know that the Program works. When a televis...

Many of us have had difficulty ridding ourselves of the ravages of guilt. During the early days in the Gamblers Anonymous Program, I either misunderstood certain of the Steps, or tried to apply them too quickly and too eagerly. The result was that I increased my feelings of guilt and worthlessness, rather than freeing myself as the Steps intend. Soon, though, I became at least willing to forgive m...

Guilt is a cunning weapon in the armory of the compulsive gambler. We can use the weapon against ourselves in many subtle ways; it can be deftly wielded, for example, in an attempt to convince us that the Gamblers Anonymous Program doesn't really work. I have to protect myself constantly against guilt and self-accusations concerning my past. If necessary, I must constantly "re-forgive" myself, acc...

When I least expect it, my keen addictive mind will try to divert me back toward my old ideas and old ways. My mind is expert, in fact, at planting and nourishing negative feelings within me-feelings such as envy, fear, anxiety, or guilt. The minute I spot any of these poisonous feelings rising up, I have to deal with them. If not, the more I think about them, the stronger they'll get; the stronge...

Some of us, new in Gamblers Anonymous, couldn't resist telling anyone who would listen just how "terrible" we were. Just as we often exaggerated our modest accomplishments by pride, so we exaggerated our defects through guilt. Racing about and "confessing all," we somehow considered the widespread exposure of our sins to be true humility, considering it a great spiritual asset. Only as we grew in...

A friend in Gamblers Anonymous taught me to look at excessive guilt in an entirely new way, suggesting that guilt was nothing but a sort of reverse pride. A decent regret for what has happened is fine, he said. But guilt, no. I've since learned that condemning ourselves for mistakes we've made is just as bad as condemning others for theirs. We're not really equipped to make judgments, even of ours...

Few of us are entirely free from a sense of guilt. We may feel guilty for things we've said or done-of things we've left unsaid or undone. We're so used to that gnawing guilt that even when we're accused falsely we still feel guilty. When I'm troubled by naggings of guilt, obviously I can't put into my day all the energy I'm capable of. So I must rid myself of guilt-not by pushing it aside or igno...

STEP 6 - Were entirely ready to have these defects of character removed. Some of our Character Defects: Anger Arrogance Anxiety Bigotry Conceit Condemnation of Others Dishonesty Egotism False Pride Fear Frustration Hatred Impatience Inadequacy Intolerance Jealousy Laziness Profanity Procrastination Remorse Resentment Revenge Selfishness Self-Pity Self-Seeking Worry Housecleaning is not easy, espec...

Adjusting myself to things as they are, and being able to love without trying to interfere with or control anyone else, however close to me that's one of the important things I search for and can find in Gamblers Anonymous. The learning is sometimes painful; however, the reward is life itself-full and serene. Is the Program helping restore me to a sane and reasonable way of thinking, so I can hand...

The Gamblers Anonymous Program teaches me that not too many people can truthfully assert that they love everybody. Most of us have to admit that we've loved only a few, and that we've been quite indifferent to many. As for the rest, well, we've really disliked or hated them. We in Gamblers Anonymous find we need something much better than this in order to keep our balance. The idea that we can be...

Acceptance is a key. Too often I was unable to accept who I was, and therefore it was impossible to accept others. Before coming to Gamblers Anonymous, I hid from the truth because I was afraid of it. Now with the help of my GA brothers and sisters, I can walk through it. Today I actually find comfort in knowing the truth. I'm trying to go in the right direction and that's enough for me. Do I acce...

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image," wrote Thomas Merton. "Otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." As I replace my self-destructive addiction with a healthy dependence on the Gamblers Anonymous Program and its Twelve Steps, I'm finding that the barriers of silence and hatred are melting aw...

In the process of learning to love myself and, in turn, to love others freely with no strings attached, I've begun to understand these words of St. Augustine: "Love slays what we have been, that we may be what we were not." More and more, I feel the enormous power of such love in the Gamblers Anonymous Program; for me, the words "we care" also mean "we love." Just for today, will I try to be lovin...

Slowly, but surely, I'm becoming able to accept other people's faults as well as their virtues. The Gamblers Anonymous Program is teaching me to "always love the best in others and never fear their worst." This is hardly an easy transition from my old way of thinking, but I'm beginning to see that all people-including me are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong. Am I approach...

Giving love is a fulfillment in itself. It must not matter whether love is returned or not. If I give love only to get a response on my terms, my love is canceled out by my motives. If I have the capacity to give love, then any return I get for it is a special bonus. It is through giving love, freely and without expectation of return, that we find ourselves and build ourselves spiritually. Have I...

Since I've been in Gamblers Anonymous, I've learned to redefine love. I've come to understand, for example, that sometimes it's necessary to place love ahead of indiscriminate "factual honesty." No longer, under the guise of "perfect honesty," can I cruelly and unnecessarily hurt others. Today, I must always ask myself, "What's the best and most loving thing I can do?" Have I begun to sow the seed...