A Day at a Time Reflections

On numerous occasions, I've found that there's a strong connection between my fears and my resentments. If I secretly fear that I'm inadequate, for example, I'll tend to resent deeply anybody whose actions or words expose my imagined inadequacy. But it's usually too painful to admit that my own fears and doubts about myself are the cause of my resentments. It's a lot easier to pin the blame on som...

As a recovering compulsive gambler, I have to remind myself that no amount of social acceptance of resentments will take the poison out of them. In a way, the problem of resentments is very much like the gambling problem. A poker game or casino is never safe for me. I've attended benefits for worthy causes, often in a convivial atmosphere that makes gambling seem almost harmless. Just as I politel...

What can we do about our resentments? Experience has shown that the best thing to do is to write them down, listing people, institutions, or principles that are objects of our anger or resentment. When I write down my resentments and then ask myself why I'm resentful, I've discovered that in most cases my self esteem, my finances, my ambitions, or my personal relationships have been hurt or threat...

Sometimes through bitter experience and painful lessons, we learn in our fellowship with others in Gamblers Anonymous that resentment is our number one enemy. It destroys more of us than anything else. From resentment stem all forms of spiritual dis-ease, for we've been not only mentally and physically ill, but spiritually ill as well. As we recover and as our spiritual illness is remedied, we bec...

Among the important things we learn in Gamblers Anonymous is to be good to ourselves. For so many of us, though, this is a surprisingly difficult thing to do. Some of us relish our suffering so much that we balloon each happening to enormous proportions in the reliving and telling. Self-pitiers are drawn to martyrdom as if by a powerful magnet-until the joys of serenity and contentment come to the...

One of the best ways to get out of the self-pity trap is to do some "instant bookkeeping." For every entry of misery on the debit side of our ledger, we can surely find a blessing to mark on the credit side: the health we enjoy, the illnesses we don't have, the friends who love us and who allow us to love them, a clean twenty-four hours, a good day's work. If we only try, we can easily list a whol...

The Twelve Steps were designed specifically for people like us - as a shortcut to God. The Steps are very much like strong medicine that can heal us of the sickness of despair, frustration, and self-pity. Yet we're sometimes unwilling to use the Steps. Why? Perhaps because we have a deep-down desire for martyrdom. Consciously and intellectually, we think we want help on a gut level, though, some h...

When I begin to compare my life with the lives of others, I've begun to move toward the edge of the murky swamp of self-pity. On the other hand, if I feel that what I'm doing is right and good, I won't be so dependent on the admiration or approval of others. Applause is well and good, but it's not essential to my inner contentment. I'm in the Gamblers Anonymous Program to get rid of self-pity, not...

Self-pity is one of the most miserable and consuming defects I know. Because of its interminable demands for attention and sympathy, my self pity cuts off my communication with others, especially communication with my Higher Power. When I look at it that way, I realize that self-pity limits my spiritual progress. It's also a very real form of martyrdom, which is a luxury I simply can't afford. The...

Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. In your fourth step inventory, you made a list of the improper actions that you did as well as the good, constructive accomplishments. In Step Six, you made a list of character defects. Now, Step Eight asks you to make yet another list. This one is to identify all those you have harmed, then to become willing t...

One of the most serious consequences of the me-me-me syndrome is that we lose touch with practically everyone around us-not to mention reality itself. The essence of self-pity is total self-absorption, and it feeds on itself. Rather than ignore such an emotional state - or deny that we're in it - we need to pull out of our self-absorption, stand back, and take a good honest look at ourselves. Once...

When we first come to Gamblers Anonymous, the most common variety of self-pity begins: "Poor me! Why can't I just gamble now and then, like everybody else? Why me?" Such bemoaning, if allowed to persist, is a surefire invitation for a long walk off a short pier-right back to the mess we were in before we came to GA. When we stick around this Program for a while, we discover that it's not just "me"...

The feeling of self-pity, which we've all felt at one time or another, is one of the ugliest emotions we can experience. We don't even relish the thought of admitting to others that we're awash in self-pity. We hate being told that it shows; we quickly argue that we're feeling another emotion instead; we go so far as to hide cleverly - from ourselves the fact that we're going through a siege of "p...

We learn the value of meditation in the Gamblers Anonymous Program. As the beginning of the Eleventh Step suggests, we sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him. One of the great values of meditation is that it clears the mind. And as the mind becomes clearer, it becomes more capable and willing to acknowledge the truth. Less pain is requir...

Over and over, I see that those who make the best and steadiest progress in the Gamblers Anonymous Program of Recovery are those who readily accept the help of a Higher Power. Once they can do that, it's easier for them to get out of their own way. Their problems then seem to resolve themselves in a way that is beyond human understanding. Do I realize that the effectiveness with which I use the co...

Now that I avail myself of the letters H-O-W suggested by friends in the Gamblers Anonymous Program Honesty, Open-Mindedness, Willingness - I see things in a new light. In ways that I couldn't have predicted and surely never expected, I've come to see things quite differently than I did before coming to GA. I feel good most days. I seldom feel bad, and never for long. Certainly never as bad as I u...

The slogans used in Gamblers Anonymous are seemingly clear and simple. Yet they may still have different meanings for different people, according to their own experiences and reactions to the words and ideas. Take, for example, the slogan "Let Go and Let God." For some people, it may suggest that all we have to do is sidestep the challenges that confront us and, somehow, God will do all the work....

How, exactly, can a person turn his or her own will and life over to the care of a Higher Power? All that's needed is a beginning, no matter how small. The minute we put the key of willingness in the lock, the latch springs open. Then the door itself starts to open, perhaps ever so slightly; in time we find that we can always open it wider. Self-will may slam the door shut again, and it often does...

Today I'll try to settle for less than I wish were possible, and be willing to not only accept it but to appreciate it. Today, I'll not expect too much of any one - especially myself. I'll try to remember that contentment comes from gratefully accepting the good that comes to us, and not from being furious at life because it's not "better." Do I realize the difference between resignation and reali...

Gamblers Anonymous has taught me that the essence of all growth for me is a willingness to change for the better. Following that, I must have further willingness to shoulder whatever responsibility this entails, and to take courageously every action that is required. "I am and know and will; I am knowing and willing; I know myself to be and to will; I will to be and to know." -St. Augustine Is wil...

When we're faced with some condition or situation not to our liking, how can we have faith that all things are working together for good? Perhaps we have to ask ourselves just what is faith. Faith has its foundation in truth and love. We can have faith, if we so choose, no matter what the situation. And, if we so choose, we can expect ultimate good to come forth. Have I made my choice? Today I Pra...

"It is the privilege of wisdom to listen," Oliver Wendell Holmes once wrote. If I try as hard as I can to culti vate the art of listening - uncritically and without making premature judgments - chances are great that I'll progress more rapidly in my recovery. If I try as hard as I can to listen to the feelings and thoughts expressed rather than to the "speaker" - I may be blessed with an unexpecte...

Many of us come to the Gamblers Anonymous Program professing that we're agnostic or atheistic. As someone once put it, our will to disbelieve is so strong that we prefer a date with the undertaker to an experimental and open-minded search for a Higher Power. Fortunately for those of us with closed minds, the constructive forces in the GA Program almost always overcome our obstinacy. Before long, w...

Very few of us know what we really want, and none of us knows what is best for us. That knowledge is in the hands of God. This is a fact I must ultimately accept, in spite of my rebelliousness and stubborn resistance. From this day forward, I'll limit my prayers to requests for guidance, an open mind to receive it, and the strength to act upon it. To the best of my capability, I'll defer all decis...

For my own good, I'll go to meetings and participate in discussions with an open mind that's ready to receive and accept new ideas. For my own peace of mind and comfort, I'll determinedly try to apply those new ideas to my own life. I'll remember that the Gamblers Anonymous Program offers me the instruction and support I can't find elsewhere. I'll seek out others who understand my problems, and I'...