The Horror Virgin

“I am ashamed of me being a person.” This week's scariest movie is... Tremors 2: Aftershocks. This film has everything: Precambrian nonsense, payroll-hole disappearances, And pre-dot-com theme-park scams. If you love Hot Topic hyenas, cheerleader-pyramid shriekers, and Andrea Bocelli Pegasus merch, this episode's for you! What did you think of our episode on Tremors 2: Aftershocks? Tell us on soci...

“They signed the waivers. Guys, I think we’re in the clear.” This week's scariest movie is... Predators. This film has everything: chaos-goblin fight energy, thumb-biting mandible math, And body-trap upgrades. If you love Amazon-warehouse predator logistics, Kirkland-brand bone temples, and raining-machetes entrances, this episode's for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to...

“If you were a singing telegram giving this much, you’ll be promoted to manager immediately.” This week’s scariest movie is... Clue. This film has everything: Mandela endings, dog-shit shoe checks, And body drops that only gets higher as the night progresses. If you love McCarthy-era blackmail, Tim Curry cardio exposition, and deeply committed dead-body slapstick, this episode's for you! Please Su...

“Don’t you want to be friends with Terry Apple?” This week’s scariest movie is... Strange Harvest. This film has everything: bargain-bin Mario Kart Characters, Dunder Mifflin homicide energy, And aggressively unnecessary voice distortion. If you love blood-bucket logistics, donut-shop dread, and a mockumentary so convincing it breaks your true-crime brain, this episode’s for you! Please Subscribe,...

“You don’t eat critter veal, you monster.” This week’s scariest movie is... Critters. This film has everything: plot-farming dads, after-hours church, And cozy Baron Harkonnen cosplay. If you love Johnny Steel world domination, interstellar leather jackets, and frat-boy space porcupines, this episode’s for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more people discover our c...

“I can’t believe I’m about to say this. It’s a genius plan.” This week’s scariest movie is... Snakes on a Plane. This film has everything: Mouth razors, reheated snake leftovers, and a sequel pitch that’s destined to make some $$$. If you love Samuel L. Jackson heroics, deeply stupid criminal logistics, and a movie that fully understands its own title is the whole pitch, this episode’s for you! Pl...

“Who produced this? The mob." This week’s scariest movie is... The Final Destination (2009). This film has everything: Hubcapped halved hillbillies, 4th floor hot tubs, and struggling to pay attention when someone is trauma dumping. If you love late-2000s CGI chaos, racetrack carnage, and a franchise that keeps finding new ways to turn everyday errands into a homicide puzzle box, this episode’s fo...

“This is like, if Ron Hubbard walked outside to an alien abduction" This week’s scariest movie is... 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple. This film has everything: Wine Drunk Confessions, a clinical injection of Duran Duran, And a midnight appointment with the devil where nobody packed a fiddle. If you love DIY cult pageantry, a doctor who looks like he moonlights in a metal band, and zombie-on-zombie...

“Apparently a bunch of people make cock and ball necklaces now” This week’s scariest movie is... Scary Movie 2. This film has everything: A horny ghost hookup, dirty talk confessions, And Tori Spelling just GETTING IT from a ghost. If you love Exorcist parody chaos, Tim Curry in full haunted-house professor mode, and a horror-comedy that sprints past good taste without looking back, this episode’s...

"Dying under Kevin Bacon. There's got to be worse ways to go." This week’s scariest movie is... Friday the 13th. This film has everything: kitchen mugs getting burned, pregnant Purple mattresses, And Monopoly played in real time. If you love doom-prophet bike commutes, killer POV giveaways, and starting your hitchhiking journey at 5am, this episode’s for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The...

“He has the trigger discipline of someone who only got a $50,000 signing bonus" This week’s scariest movie is... Him. This film has everything: NFL-wife Gwyneth Paltrow energy, Poop Math, And a football movie that isn't for people that like football. If you love culty QB training camps, pigskin symbolism, and weaponized sports logic, this episode’s for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The H...

"It's like pre grave robbing. It's all the grave robbing. But no diggity" This week’s scariest movie is... Tales from the Hood. This film has everything: a Ded Talk, tiny little footsteps, And a drug dealer who won’t stop telling stories while you’re trying to buy weed. If you love fighting 50 dolls, refried-beans logic, and crumpling up monster drawings, this episode's for you! Please Subscribe,...

"I think you and I would get hosed down trying to walk up that fucking hill." This week’s scariest movie is... The Long Walk. This film has everything: Stebbins sneezes, out of context Spotify comments, And dropping duces at 3 MPH. If you love walking off warnings, Three Musketeers math, and foxhole friendships, this episode's for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help m...

All you have to do is provide 90s rapper level bling and food." This week's scariest movie is... 28 Years Later. This film has everything: Edgar Allan Poe boys, the freshest skulls you'll ever see, And how one famous podcast sees himself. If you love Diet Coke tattoos, castle envy, and showcase showdown swagger, this episode's for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help m...

“I just wish it wasn’t the grapefruit method" This week's scariest movie is... Bring Her Back. This film has everything: a sexy and shirtless Jesus digging up the dead, a 10 year old that can't stop biting things, and just enough rules for Brian McKnight to write a hit about. If you love soul smoothie makers, evil bead curtains, and rain filled pools, this episode's for you! Please Subscribe, Rate...

"We named the dog Indy." This week's scariest movie is... Good Boy. This film has everything: Pausing for paws. WW1 pilots. And playing fetch till your arm falls off. If you love kibble noodle soup energy, top-billed dogs, and serious Courage the Cowardly Dog energy, this episode's for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more people discover our community. What did yo...

"Worst. Criss. Angel. Magic trick. Ever." This week's scariest movie is... The Conjuring Last Rites. This film has everything: Egg Whites. Science Romeos. And Realty recommendations that you should not take. If you love Shakespeare-in-a-toolshed riffs, basement John Wayne portraits, and common-sense yelling at pitch-black rooms, this episode's for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror...

"Keep our hot cocoa hot and our ankles unclaimed." The Horror Virgin: This week's scariest movie is... Krampus. This film has everything: Snow Huluds,. Mouths agape, and proof the cocaine must just be amazing. If you love snowy nonsense wordplay, deadpan anatomy burns, and holiday hijinks, this episode's for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more people discover our...

“Olivia Colman, calm down.” This week's scariest movie is... Hot Fuzz. This film has everything: Ocular patdowns. A loose swan. And a the most charming bond to walk the earth. If you love buddy-cop bromance, murder-murder-murder chants, and suggestive headlines, this episode's for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more people discover our community. What did you thi...

“Camp becomes like a frozen purgatorial church retreat.” This week’s scariest movie is… The Black Phone 2. This film has everything: the real Miracle on Ice, Tommy Tutone, and yet another franchise trapping a killer in a camp's lake, If you love snowbound witchcraft, Dream-Warrior energy, and tractor-on-ice logic, this episode’s for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help...

“You got ghosts in your blood, take cocaine about it.” This week’s scariest movie is… Frankenstein. This film has everything: A 7-foot Adonis Smurf, a classic “He said/He Said,” and an episode that goes deep on the kind of nerds our hosts are.  If you love aggressively thirsty tall-guy discourse, literary-brain horror tangents, and spiraling debates about what actually makes someone a monster...

“I hereby sentence you to adventure.” This week’s fog-soaked headless whodunit is... Sleepy Hollow (1999). This film has everything: CSI:1799. Turn in your wood badge and your musket. And The Strangest place to find a dead pigeon. If you love deadpan spooky behavior, backwards-in-heels heroics, gleeful small-town gossip, and deliciously petty continuity nitpicks, this episode’s for you! Please Sub...

“this is I Know What You Did Last Summer, but with Turkey.” This week’s most carved-up holiday horror movie is... Thanksgiving (With Special Guest Joe Kay!!!!). This film has everything: New holiday traditions. A head smashed Gershon. And a thermometer pop that will make you scream. If you love retail riots, pilgrim-mask menace, gleeful small-town gossip, and the crispy crunch of seasonal payback,...

“He’s hanging by his junk... his stomach junk, not his testicle junk.” This week’s grimiest outbreak horror movie is... Blood Quantum. This film has everything: a bridge-top poop drop, an undead Big Mouth Billy Bass, the best name for a strip club north of the US border. If you love rat fight clubs, zombie allegories to human nature, and a country that really wants you to know it paid for a movie!...

“It was the best of tits. It was the worst of tits.” This week’s most insane horror movie is... ThanksKilling. This film has everything: savory flavored condoms, Terrible depictions of the faceblind, And a closing tag line only Samuel Jackson could say, but didn’t. If you love holiday thirst traps, chaotic misrecognition, and big-screen smack talk, this episode’s for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, a...