Handing the Shame Back

We are thrilled to provide answers to any questions you may have — let's interact! We want to provide information you need, in order to do that, please email us at contactus@handingtheshameback.org and put ‘Question’ in the subject line, followed by your main question in the body of the email. Let's customise our content to work with your objectives as closely as possible. We are always...

Meet Elizabeth Melendez Author. Advocate. CEO/Founder of the Foundation United Org. She was sexually abused by a family friend at age 11, though saw that physical, emotional and sexual abuse was happening throughout her family from a very young age, she feels this was ‘generational’ rather than ‘intentional abuse’. To reach Elizabeth: https://www.thefoundationunited.com/ , or on Instagram: @‌thefo...

Don't make any new year resolutions, instead reflect on what you have achieved over the last 12 months and honour that. You may consider growing that skillset further or adding to it, but at this time of year, recovering from Xmas and the holiday season is challenging enough. Don’t pressure yourself by making impossible goals that are unlikely to be achieved. We are on all social media platfo...

We are bringing you this update due to the generous and much appreciated response to our video asking for help to get the book ‘Keeping Kids Safe - A Roadmap for Parents, Teachers & Others’ into schools. We have the funding to provide the books, just not to post them! So far we have raised over $700, which is an amazing 70 schools. Remember that $10 ensures a book gets into a school of your ch...

We are seeking sponsors so we can distribute the book 'Keeping Kids Safe' to every school in NZ. We have the books funded, just not the distribution costs. If you are able to help, simply visit http://gloriamasters.com , click the 'Donate' button, or use this direct link: https://buy.stripe.com/8wMg0Y1OqdTc1vG4gh . Please include reference 'Book Distribution' to ensur...

Meet Avery Kearney Survivor. Advocate. Non-profit worker in the health sector. Avery is a survivor of sexual abuse at the hands of his uncle from the age of 8. The grooming process went on for years prior, and much of his abuse was tied into athletics and masked as massages and stretching to increase his athletic performance. The abuse went on for a few years. To reach Avery, email: kearneywjj@gma...

Welcome back to Louise Nicholas and Ken Clearwater who join me on the this panel, to discuss all things Survivors experience throughout the Xmas season. We need to honour survivors through this time of year, and I couldn't think of anyone better to bring back to share this important messaging with. We are on all social media platforms: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HandingtheShameBack In...

Here is our Xmas Message from the Board at Handing the Shame Back Foundation, to all the amazing survivors, supporters and sponsors we have. Thank you so much, and from all of us, Merry Xmas to you. We are on all social media platforms: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HandingtheShameBack Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/handingtheshameback/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@handingtheshameb...

It’s Christmas. Getting through Christmas, can be an overwhelming ask for us as survivors. While many people experience joy and celebration during this time, we can feel the opposite through difficult emotions, painful memories, and feelings of isolation surfacing. Here’s some ideas that may just help. Love to all of you. ► Visit our website for more information on our foundation: https://www.hand...

This time of year can be difficult when trying to manage end of year events, Xmas interactions and school concerts. Try to find time to ground yourself by remembering to reflect on you, what you have managed to achieve and the incredible survivor you are. It should be about you, not just those you love. We are on all social media platforms: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HandingtheShameBack In...

Deb Aldrick Author. Speaker. Advocate Deb was abused from 5 - 14 by a family member while another family member did nothing to protect her. Pre-abuse she was happy and confident, and enjoyed life with lots of friends. Post-abuse she became anxious and a worrier. To reach Deb go to: https://dragonflyadvocacy.com.au/ or Facebook https://www.facebook.com/dragonflyadvocacy/ or Instagram https://www.in...

Meet Raymond Lum Survivor and Film Producer As a young boy, he was sexually abused by their female live in nanny for years. When he eventually told his father the response was ‘Look out for your brother’. To reach Raymond go to: https://www.facebook.com/sting16 or https://www.instagram.com/raymondtlum/ HELP NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz . Help Auckland 0...

As survivors of child sexual abuse, it is widely accepted that we were controlled through grooming simply so the abuser could exploit us. What is less discussed is the coercive control that lay underneath all of it.  What that meant (for some of us), is that we weren’t just controlled through sexual abuse, there was also the emotional and physical manipulation as well. How that impacted us was we...

Be aware if you are deciding on how to confront your abuser, your emotions will be running at an all time high, and therefore deciding on something of this importance may not serve you - Yet! It will in time, but maybe just not today. Because this is of such huge significance, please allow yourself further clarity of thought as the last thing you need is to regret your decision later. Go to our we...

Meet Kel Humphries Survivor. Advocate. Speaker. Researcher. She was abused by her Uncle between ages  7 - 8,  and recognises the grooming for what it was. He knew exactly what he was doing, her parents had no idea. For more on her reach out to her at kellyhumphries.com HELP NZ    Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz.           Help Auckland  0800 623 1700. Male Su...

Losing your voice As children being abused we couldn't speak, because our brain froze. This is a trauma response,  and just so you know: when your brain is flooded with cortizal there is no way you can speak, as this is a chemical reaction which cannot be controlled. Go to our website for more information on resources available, and if you are looking for coaching whether survivor or supporte...

Gloria returns to Shaun’s platform to discuss the impact of CSA on survivors in light of the current media storm around P Diddy. She shares her story and offers insight and ideas into how to combat this to protect our children. For more on her go to handingtheshameback.org and gloriamasters.com All links to her books can be found there in all versions as well as on amazon. https://gloriamasters.co...

Meet Kel Humphries Survivor. Advocate. Speaker. Researcher. She was abused by her Uncle between ages  7 -8, and now realises her parents were the ones being groomed. At age 12 her mother asked her directly if she had been abused, but she couldn't speak. For more on her reach out to her at kellyhumphries.com HELP NZ    Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz.    ...

Negative self talk It is more common than not for your survivor to put themselves down and talk about themselves negatively. This is part of, or a consequence of the abuse suffered as children. Listen for ways to contradict their self talk. Sometimes simply challenging something can change it. Go to our website for more information on resources available, and if you are looking for coaching whethe...

Uipo Tagaloasa Part 2 Was born and raised in Samoa without his father, who had passed away before he was born. He has 11 siblings, and was raised by grandparents. He was abused from the age of 9 by a really close family friend.  As he was working through his trauma, he considered shooting his abuser and then realised it would really only punish him and his family unnecessarily.  To contact him, pl...

Needing love As children being abused we were looking for some love from those tasked with caring for us. We were children, with needs not being met, and yet through the abuser manipulating us and providing comfort , we may have felt we were complicit somehow. They were in charge, we weren't. Love that little child inside. https://www.buzzsprout.com/admin/1907499/episodesGo to our website for...

Uipo Tagaloasa Was born and raised in Samoa without his father, who had passed away before he was born. He has 11 siblings, and was raised by grandparents. He was abused from the age of 9 by a really close family friend, who was helping his family out with things. He also played rugby with him. To contact him, please use the links below to his Break The Cycle from Past Trauma FB and Instagram page...

Sometimes it can all feel a bit much when trying to work your way through the trauma the abuse created. Sometimes it feels easier to just give up working on this, and just pretend you are okay with how it is.   Please don't do that. Never give up, the rewards you receive are insurmountable. Go to our website (see below) for more information on our foundation  Donate please, this helps us keep...

Meet Janet Jacobsen Grandmother, wife, mother, football lover and survivor. Janet's story continues.  You can reach out to her on Facebook as Janet Jacobsen and on Instagram as https://www.instagram.com/gdadnansjj/ HELP NZ    Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz.           Help Auckland  0800 623 1700. Male Survivors Aotearoa, Freephone: 0800 044 334 USA  RAI...

Even though you may feel that you should take other's advice on what action you should take regarding the abuse you suffered: like (for example), forgive your abuser, or just move on with your life: The reality is you must do what resonates with you, in other words:  You do You. Go to our website for more information on resources available, and if you are looking for coaching whether survivor...