Make Your Damn Bed

Today we're talking about some theories and paradoxes that help remind me that my insecurities are just a natural negative bias that many other people experience, and if we can take active strides towards moving through those insecurities, we can forge and maintain deeper and more fulfilling friendships without the fear of being "unlikable", because (spoiler alert) we're not!!!! BEHIND THE SILK: h...

today we revisit an older episode and discuss prioritizing what makes us feel good. if you're dwelling on all the shit that stresses you out in order to avoid it, you're focusing a LOT of attention on your stress. we focus so much on productivity, but what if we focused on rest, joy, or pleasure? DONATE: www.pcrf.net Get Involved: Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + Links GET AN OCCASIONAL PERS...

Reasoning with the unreasonable can feel impossible, but here are some techniques to diffuse intense arguments and encourage others to challenge their own cognitive dissonance with curiosity and care. For starters, it's important to find common values to come back to, use metaphors and anecdotes to break down complex ideas and humanize them, remember it's you vs. the problem (not you vs. them), an...

How do we reason with someone who is experiencing cognitive dissonance? For example: I know people who claim to believe in free speech but also support banning pronoun usage, race discussion, and even certain books in schools. How do we rectify the dissonance they've created to support two contradictory ideas? Unfortunately we can't change other people, but we can help them towards the path of cha...

love is an active process that involves engagement, gratitude, and practice. RESOURCE: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-15454-002 RESOURCE: https://www.apa.org/topics/marriage-relationships/brain-on-love RESOURCE: https://hms.harvard.edu/news-events/publications-archive/brain/love-brain DONATE: www.pcrf.net Get Involved: Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + Links GET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EM...

When we focus on curiosity, respect, and genuine understanding, we're more likely to bridge gaps with people we disagree with, but this takes practice. This means there is no room for contempt, defensiveness, criticism, and stonewalling, but that's easier said than done. RESOURCES: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/ https:/...

When we open ourselves up to love, we open ourselves up to pain and loss, but the loss of the love is what we will grieve, so we shouldn't resist that vulnerability. Embracing love's impermanence will deepen our experience with it. “love is not permanently gifted, it is loaned.” - James Sexton “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself tha...

There is a feedback loop that seems to happen whenever I’m spending more time alone. I notice that my need for connection seems to dissipate as my anger towards humanity inflates. Psychologists have noted this through various research and confirmed that “lonely individuals tend to think more negatively of others and see them as less trustworthy.” If the feeling of loneliness really worked as it sh...

Studies show intrinsic goals make us much happier than extrinsic ones, but society tells us to focus our time on the material stuff. Why do we think that is? RESOURCE: https://www.theatlantic.com/podcasts/archive/2021/10/howto-friendship-loneliness-arthurbrooks-vivekmurthy-happiness/620281/ DONATE: www.pcrf.net Get Involved: Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + Links GET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL E...

I'm on my way out the door of my apartment and it's starting to hit me just how isolated I've become. A lot of it is self inflicted: ignoring phone calls and texts, neglecting plans, or foregoing the follow up. That said, I still can't take all the credit. A majority of my feelings of isolation are systemic: it's expensive outside, I'm exhausted all the time, and I don't feel that connected to my...

“Nobody can build the bridge for you to walk across the river of life, no one but you yourself alone. There are, to be sure, countless paths and bridges and demi-gods which would carry you across this river, but only at the cost of yourself; you would pawn yourself and lose. There is in the world only one way, on which nobody can go, except you: where does it lead? Do not ask, go along with i...

Here is a little rant about people who co-opt beautiful theories + ideas and twist them in order to justify behaviors that are actually counter to its core principles. It's infuriating, but it makes sense... Let's dig into why this happens and what we can learn from the teachings, to stop it. RESOURCES: WIKI: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism#:~:text=Stoicism%20teaches%20the%20development%20o...

Today is a very special BONUS episode that gives you a sneak preview of what we're doing over at patreon. this is just 10 minutes of this month's 55 minute episode and it gets JUICY. If you want to listen to the entire episode, plus the backlog, (and all the dailies ad-free!!!) join our little community on patreon and subscribe from there! The Main Resource: How I defined Cosmetic Procedures: http...

Like most philosophies, I have notes - but that's not to say I can't learn something from the practice of stoicism. Today we talk about some of the paradoxes and some of the common critiques, but then we dig into the 3 core values of stoicism. RESOURCE: WIKI: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism#:~:text=Stoicism%20teaches%20the%20development%20of,the%20universal%20reason%20(logos). LANUSSE ON TH...

"only the strong go crazy, the weak go along." - Assata Shakur THE QUOTE: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/8762432-only-the-strong-go-crazy-the-weak-just-go-along THE RESOURCES: https://wokescientist.substack.com/p/maybe-madness-and-illness-is-the DONATE: www.pcrf.net Get Involved: Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + Links GET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com...

"This is an intergenerational, evolved evolutionary movement. They never looked out for each other the way that a lot of the groups I see organizing are looking out for each other. They didn’t have rest. They didn’t ‘watch out for our own patriarchal natures’ and all of this stuff. There’s a reason why a lot of those people died young. We are doing so much and we are, I believe, a part of a founda...

I have started to feel so guilty about positive feelings lately. I think it's because I've become a bit more comfortable with the stress that has become an undercurrent of my daily life lately. That said, there are plenty of strategies to restore joy, hope, and excitement. I just have to get better at implementing them. DONATE: www.pcrf.net Get Involved: Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + Link...

One technique often used in CBT is socratic questioning and it's a really great way to get ahold of our negative thinking patterns. They're usually open ended questions that encourage us to "think about thinking"in a more productive way. RESOURCES: https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/socratic-questioning https://www.trigonweb.com/dowload/SOCRATIC%20QUESTIONS.pdf DONATE: www.pcrf.net Get Involv...

When I first heard about CBT, I was annoyed. It felt generic, but that's because of how I learned about it. When I started applying the appropriate techniques to my specific situation, I realized how much the techniques can really affect (and improve) my life. Today we discuss what CBT is, and eventually we will get into the techniques that have helped me overcome my personal issues. Resources: ht...

today we're revisiting episode 1011 which was all about the "time traveling" we must do to discover our sense of self. by learning how to listen to the past, envision the future, and accommodate the present, we expand our sense of self to align within this current time in our lives. how does the sense of self affect how we behave? how does our self referential identity create our reality? and do w...

When things become familiar to us, we no longer acknowledge them. The drone of cicadas in the background becomes impossible to hear unless you’re really listening. The pile of papers on the table becomes impossible to see unless you’re reminded they need to move. Things that no longer pose a threat, become obsolete to our focus.  This is the same thing that happens with “the good stuff”. Ther...

The act of returning home after spending a decade 1,100 miles away is a daunting one. There are direct contradictions to the way I feel at nearly every turn. Learning to bend with them has been a process but I am starting to realize, that's the whole damn point. The. Ashfiles Original Video: https://www.tiktok.com/@the.ashfiles/video/7396990066129784069 The Cut Advice Column: https://www.thecut.co...

There’s something freeing about realizing it’s time to let go.  Life’s cycles sometimes match with my own, and things feel serendipitous and “meant to be” but more often than not, life cycles move faster than my own + I’m forced to play catch up on changes and news that I wasn’t just unprepared for, but in denial about. But things do happen. Life surprises you. And no matter how much you...

Absurdism claims that existence, as a whole, is absurd and although objective meaning does not exist, it doesn't mean we can't find + create our own. We're allowed to change our minds + reflect at any time, because the only meaning that matters, is the meaning we decide matters. “The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebelli...

personal rant about my current state. moving has made me realize how stagnant I really was. DONATE: www.pcrf.net Get Involved: Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + Links GET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com TUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR COOL CONTENT: www.instagram.com/mydbpodcast OR BE A REAL GEM + TUNE IN ON PATREON: www.patreon.com/MYDBpodcast OR WATCH ON YOUTUBE...