Permission To Desire: Relationships, Sex, Love, and Liberation

Y'all are thirsty—and I say that with full love and zero judgment. I've gotten a lot of questions lately about whether it's OK to send sexy pics when you're getting to know someone, and honestly, my default answer is always "you do you, boo." But there's more to it than that, so in this episode I'm diving into the when, why, and how of Snapchat, sexting, and sending nudes—whether you're single, da...

Is fighting a sign of a failing relationship? Not necessarily! Conflict is a natural and normal part of every relationship, what matters is how you approach conflict and how you feel during it. If you find yourself battling with your partner--you know the feeling: butting heads, making arguments, poking holes, getting defensive, or if you find yourself making "compromises" that feel more like surr...

Do you have rules for your open relationship or are you looking to set some? If so, you probably want open relationship rules to protect your relationship, keep yourselves safe, and to avoid any uncomfortable feelings like jealousy or insecurity. Makes sense! A lot of couples in open relationships reach for a rulebook — no sleepovers, no feelings, always get permission first. And there's a reason:...

"Boundaries" pack a lot of promise: from personal protection to being the key to a successful relationship. Personal boundaries are important in a relationship. But sometimes saying that is either than setting them. Or maybe you've had the language of boundaries weaponized against you when trying to advocate for yourself or your own needs. In this episode, Brian breaks down what a boundary actuall...

In this episode, Brian G. Murphy explores the importance of embracing uncomfortable feelings in open and polyamorous relationships. If you're in an open or polyamorous relationship and you feel overwhelmed, jealous, frustrated, or insecure, there's nothing wrong with you. And you aren't "bad" for feeling that way. So where do you go from there? Push down those feelings and try to make them go away...

If you try hard to communicate well in your relationship, and you care deeply about your partner, and so you try really hard to fix any problems in your relationship right when they come up... ... that's understandable. It's even a loving and helpful impulse. BUT you might be skipping one important step and making a mistake that actually makes your conflict harder than it needs to be. In this epis...

In between "monogamy" and an "open relationship," there’s a grey area… you’re technically monogamous anymore but “open” isn’t really accurate either. This ish space can be fun and fulfilling or it can be stressful and unsatisfying. It depends on which ish you’re in. In this episode you'll learn the difference between monogamish (a term coined by Dan Savage) and open-ish — a term Brian uses to desc...

Whether you're considering opening up your relationship, already in an open relationship and wondering "maybe this is just how its supposed to be?," or new dating match say he's polyamorous... you may or may not have some ideas about what it means to be open or polyamorous and they may or may not be accurate. In this episode, Brian G Murphy busts many of the common nonmonogamy myths and shares wit...

Is watching porn cheating? What about dancing with a stranger? or sexting with a friend? Whatever your answer is, I know that there is someone out there equally confident that the opposite is true. In my work as a relationship coach, nearly every person I talk to has a different idea about what would "count" as cheating—and sometimes partners even have different definitions! In this episode, I wan...

If you're thinking about opening up your relationship—or have opened it partway already—you may think that if you just go slow enough, everything will work out. While it's important to go at a slow and steady pace, there are 3 major pitfalls I see when partners are starting to open their relationship. In this episode, Brian shares what those are so you can avoid unnecessary stress, conflict, fear,...

What if your sex life wasn't a distraction from everything going on in the world right now but actually one of your most powerful responses to it? In this episode, Brian shares how your sex life is political. He breaks down how sex shame has been used as a tool of control, why it's important to feed your own sexual pleasure as a way to tend to your relationship (even when doing so feels scary), an...

In this episode, Brian G. Murphy talks with Jonah Wheeler (@ShowOffJonah) about finding community and meaning in group sex. Tune in if you're curious to give group sex try or wanting to feel more comfortable, less nervous, more confident, and less ashamed about the sex you're already having. This is one part how-to and best practices and another part about how to see group experiences not as somet...

There are lots of reasons you may consider an open relationship—or consider opening up more than you already are. I’ve been there myself and I’ve helped a ton of people answer that question for themselves. Whatever your reasons for asking yourself that question, I’m gonna help you figure it out.  Enrollment for Relationshift is sold out and now closed. Want early access when enrollment opens...

The very things that Matt and Dylan were doing that they thought were being helpful and kind ended up being the very things that hurt each other the most. When Matt and Dylan started working with me, they described their relationship as nearing rock bottom. Now, they've bought their first home together and are at "our strongest point." In this episode, you'll learn about some traps that couple can...

Everyone wants a healthy relationship but the sad truth is, a staggering amount of them aren’t. Between lying, cheating, neglect, crappy communication, bad sex, and more unhealthy relationships take many forms. And because conflict makes for good television and music, we unfortunately don’t get as many examples of happy, healthy relationships.   To help you figure out if you’re in a healthy r...

How do you know if shame is holding you back from the best version of your relationship or sex life? The tricky thing about shame is that it sneaks in and disguises itself as truth. Regardless of how long you've been dating and hooking up, no matter how long you've identified as kinky or queer, whether you've had 1 partner or 100 ... it's possible that there is another level of shame hiding out an...

What if wanting more wasn’t selfish, but sacred? Permission to Want is a podcast for the curious, the courageous, the quirky, and consciously nontraditional. Hosted by author and certified relationship coach Brian G. Murphy, this show explores what it means to build fuller, more alive relationships and erotic lives and paints a picture of what’s possible when you find the courage to tell the truth...