Keep Me Young

We are BOTH patient zero, if the sickness is being community leaders who are relevant and wise and hot and hilarious and never wrong about anything. Thanks for seeing us, Tay

Hey, could anyone make my tshirt less loud right now and then and also give me a lobotomy? We are IRRITABLE and OVERWHELMED this week, thanks to hormones for Heather and something like sympathetic hormones for Blake. Thanks, bestie. Chat is it violent to run a lesbian bar slash venue in western Massachusetts in 2026? This week we’re staying so young thanks to the Beauty and the Beast style, torch-...

Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or @keepmeyoungpod. Theme Song: “Old” written and performed by pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick (https://www.instagram.com/popkisstheband/) (https://www.instagram.com/niconeeek/) (https://www.instagram.com/sydneypatrick_/) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Y’all behave because we have COMPANY over to the KMY house today. RobbyforShort and ShinyStone are here to gab about life, liberty, and their original drag race-style Pokemon reality show competition: The Girly Pop Games! The universality of bullying is keeping us young today. Artists, content creators, and protestors in Puerto Rico can all agree that bullying people in power CAN work! Try it! Rea...

And! Sometimes! Fridays! We gabbed for a WHILE in this ep, just like old times. Hopefully y’all have some time to kill :) This week we’re aging along with the rest of the gay/artist/weirdo community because of the passing of BOTH Dolly Parton and Tim Curry. We honor their legacy by talking about their amazing movies, how easy it is to get gay people to love you, and how unbelievably hot they are....

And sometimes Fridays! And sometimes UNDER an hour! Can you even believe? This week we are aging aka our brains are literally decaying and atrophying because of a Splatoon brain rot voiceover. And our hearts are both growing 3 sizes like the grinch and also withering away because of the malevolent use of “When Somebody Loved Me” all over Toy Story 5. They’ve got us so bad, we don’t even need to he...

And sometimes Thursdays! And sometimes UNDER an hour! Can you even believe? This week we are aging aka our brains are literally decaying and atrophying because of a Splatoon brain rot voiceover. And our hearts are both growing 3 sizes like the grinch and also withering away because of the malevolent use of “When Somebody Loved Me” all over Toy Story 5. They’ve got us so bad, we don’t even need to...

Ding dooong, two chronically online millennials calling! The world continues to be our oyster and yes, you SHOULD interpret that as yonic imagery. This week we dive into TV and film faves of today and yesterday, and, ultimately, we discover the spectrum of feral Drag Race fandom to tenderqueer Steven Universe simps. Oprah’s name was Orpah? Will a drag queen get dragged in the Big Brother edit? We...

AND SOMETIMES WE POST ON THURSDAYS. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: time is a construct. We are ~*$~artists*$~~ and we can’t be expected to do the same thing more than one week in a row. Hi besties! Join us on an odd-dussy this week through way too many topics for how many minutes this episode is. Heather’s staying young on the sidelines of Black Instagram watching the “bouncy church...

Pride month is every month and this week Heather is staying young with THREE bits of queer news: Lady G’s comment section haters, Layla from Mormon Wives dating a lady, and a new women’s pro baseball league! **Apologies to the WMLB team that got forgotten: San Francisco Firebells! Blake is staying young from a secret work trip to LA like a real ~influencer~ and we’re both on the edge of our seats...

The thing about setting a low bar is that when you get two episodes in a row, it feels like Christmas!! Under promise, over deliver, baybeeee xoxoxoThis week we obv had to reflect on our respective family/extended family wedding experiences over the weekend, including but not limited to impromptu line dances, fake-out flash mobs, having the sound guy in your back pocket, crying, AND not crying. Po...

Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or @keepmeyoungpod. Theme Song: “Old” written and performed by pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick (https://www.instagram.com/popkisstheband/) (https://www.instagram.com/niconeeek/) (https://www.instagram.com/sydneypatrick_/) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

HAPPY PRIDE, DIVAS! Our only question this week is: Why are you gay? https://open.spotify.com/track/5Yof9eDjqqnpu6Lv42TmxR?si=5bd5955d330f429aMay and June are the time for EVENTS and PARTIES and APPEARANCES, so we’re gonna do our best to be in your ears every week but if we aren’t, it’s because time is a construct and not because we don’t love you. This week Keke Palmer and Sean Evans aka KeSean a...

We’re baaaaack, did you miss us? We’re not like other girls, because we take normal weeks off and then post on federal holidays. AS IS OUR RIGHT. Rest is anti capitalist and we are nothing if not social justice warriors. This week we *try* to keep it short and sweet, but naturally we get going on our Topics and Opinions and it’s basically a full length ep. Heather is staying young because of one h...

Hi besties! Welcome to a nighttime episode where your favorite hosts are in an insomnia induced FLOW STATE. A bunch of Gay Guys are keeping us young this week. Firstly, Jake Shane’s feral interview skills, and secondly, Heather’s parasocial relationship of two gay guys on the internet Gus Heagerty and Dan Pelosi. We all deserve a love like that!!! Actually so many things are keeping us young this...

Y’all we were in some kind of silly goofy mood this week, so buckle up for a LOT of detours and tangents on a podcast that’s already built on detours and tangents. This week Blake is staying young because of Devil 2. We collectively are staying young because it is a renaissance for the MOVIES this summer. We heart CINEMA and having a Communal Movie Going Experience. And the choir said “Heartbreak...

Surprise we’re back! Keeping you on your toes here at KMY and we’re back from spring break aka Blake’s family vacation to Florida where against all odds he got sick. But he also had a birthday! HBD king, way to stay on theme with the pod by aging another year! This week our president’s inevitably horrible takes after the White House Correspondents Dinner is aging us. And that’s all we’re gonna say...

Stop EVERYTHING and tell us right now if you’re older than 25 and had to sign up for the draft as an 18 year old. Hello??? Did everyone except Heather know about this? Thanks to Queen Donna for her second cameo to clarify Blake’s near military service and our condolences to the newest draftees and let’s all meditate on the implications of compulsory military service for one half of the population...

Two horrible politicians stand before me. But there’s only one photo in my hands. And this photo represents the girl that is still in the running towards becoming America’s Worst Trump Defender. I’ll only call one name and the girl that I do not call must immediately return to the house and pack your bags. Wait, PLOT TWIST both Pam Bondi and Kristi Noem were eliminated! Welcome back to Keep Me You...

A new bombshell has entered the villa! And he’s a banana with abs! If you’re counting, this is, in fact, week THREE of discussing our favorite adult high school freshmen, the Mormon wives, but 4 seasons of the show simply wasn’t enough so we’re injecting their personal lives (IG reels) directly into our veins. It’s working! Blake shines a light on a corner of the internet that Heather never wants...

WILL MOMTOK SURVIVE THIS???Trust that if we could make an entire podcast just about our real life actual blood relatives, the Mormon wives, we WOULD. But for now, that content lives here. Blake and Heather are both aging rapidly because of the many scandals following those poor girls (adult women) on that show about filler and hair extensions. We’re staying young by trying new things and feeling l...

A very happy Oscars week to all who celebrate! Do we actually celebrate? Do we actually know how to talk about film? Unclear! But we each know at least one person who has AMC Stubs memberships, so that’s something. This week Blake and Heather are staying young with supplements, first and foremost. But also by watching prestige television aka the best in the botoxed biz aka our favorite Mormon Wive...

Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick  @popkisstheband @niconeeek @sydneypatrick_ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is that actual hope on the horizon, or has it just stopped snowing? Who’s to say! Either way the world is on fire and we’re happy you’re watching it burn with us. Blake educates the children (Heather) on the latest K Pop drama and Heather educates the sheeple (Blake) on the *reads notes* Jim Carey conspiracy theories?? We’re both staying young because of our lord and savior Chris Fleming’s new sta...

U-S-A! U-S-A! That’s how you spell Alysa Liu, right? We’re smitten with all of our gold medal woke 3.0 girlies this week and truly have never been such experts of ice related sports. And maybe never will be again! Everyone is staying young because of the hope injected in our veins in the form of winter olympic sports. And yet, we’re also aging because of 1. How they’re really NOT like us, fr and 2...