Hope when there was none

What is Stockholm Syndrome? It's defined as feelings of trust or affection felt in many cases of kidnapping or hostage-taking by a victim toward a captor. First coined after a hostage situation in 1973 by Criminologist and psychiatrist Nils Bejerot. On August 23, 1973, Jan-Erik Olsson attempted to rob the Normalmstorg bank and took four bank employees hostage. After the hostages’ were released, au...

So what are these? Stalking involves a pattern of unwanted behavior directed at someone that causes fear or significant distress. Depending on the circumstances and applicable laws, it can include repeatedly following someone, showing up unexpectedly, making unwanted contact, monitoring their activities, or using other people to keep tabs on them. Technology-facilitated abuse can include: Repeated...

You finally leave the abuser. You survive the abuse and now you are trying best to navigate the court system with someone that is assigned to your case that doesn't know you, your kids, or your abuser. They get to see your abuser in all his or her glory looking calm, charming, a devoted parent, hardworking and maybe a pillar in the community/church. They see you at your lowest emotional. Cryin...

When we talk about domestic violence, we often focus on the adult survivor. We talk about leaving, finding somewhere safe to live, getting financial independence, navigating court, and rebuilding a life. Leaving an abusive relationship does not automatically mean that the effects of abuse end for the children. Children can be affected by domestic violence even when they are not physically assaulte...

Teen Dating Violence is when teens, usually ages about 12-18, experience dating relationships in which one partner exerts power and control over the other through physical, sexual, emotional, or stalking behavior. Because many teens are navigating their first relationships, they may not recognize that what is happening to them is abusive. They may think jealousy means love. They may believe that c...

Love bombing is a term used to describe overwhelming displays of affection, attention, praise, gifts, or promises that may be used to establish influence or control over another person. The concern arises when affection becomes a tool for creating obligation, accelerating commitment, or making someone feel that they owe the other person access, loyalty, sex, money, or control over their decisions....

On today's episode we are talking about something called "Baiting". It has nothing to do with fishing! Baiting is an informal term for provoking someone in an attempt to elicit a response. In an abusive relationship, that response may then be used to blame, discredit, intimidate, or manipulate the other person. Here's an example: A person repeatedly sends insulting messages late...

Today's episode is not about vacuums I promise! I'm diving into something called, "Hoovering". It's when a person sucks you back into a relationship or into contact. This is used many times if you have left that relationship or set boundaries. It can look like a promise to change, getting counseling, coming clean, or finding religion. They may try to woo you back with gifts,...

The idea is that your responses are as exciting as a dull rock. Your tears, your reactions, screams, or when you throw things this gives your abuser fuel. Don't give them what they want that is your energy. They crave your reactions. You channel boring, non-nonchalant, or canned responses. When possible go “No contact” keep a paper trail, do your correspondence in writing instead of face-to-fa...

Sorry for the giggle in today's episode. Flying Monkeys... For real! They do exist and not the Wizard of Oz kind but where people in our circle share information with the abuser. There is nothing cute about this. You may wonder who you should trust and everyone looks suspicious. It could be the person only heard one side or it could be the person may not care about hearing your side. They may...

What is Emotional blackmail? Just a reminder, with this topic and the others I have covered over the past few days, anyone in your circle is capable of using this tactic. It's not just limited to a intimate partner. Emotional blackmail is a manipulative tactic in which one party uses guilt, fear, or the other person’s vulnerabilities as a way to try to control their behavior and decision-makin...

Why does she stay?! One comment I see and hear often is, "Why Does She Stay?!" or "I would have left after the first punch!" There are many personal reasons a victim stays and these include in random order: 1) Fear- Of change or fear of the abuser 2) Guilty- Maybe she didn't try hard enough to work on the relationship 3) Lack of resources- No job, car, money, or even a lack...

So, what is this? It's a pattern of behaviors that uses control, intimidation, isolation, manipulates a person, or restrict another person's freedom. Like all the topics I have been discussing, it starts subtly. It looks like: Small rules Punishments Threats Restrictions You may wake up one day and feel no longer free to make your own decisions. Coercive Control may not seem like someone w...

I really wanted to share this episode and bring to light the topic of not only women being survivors too. Throughout the month of October, we will see stories from brave women that survived and those that didn't. I want to shed light on men and boys today. Men can experience: Physical abuse Emotional abuse Sexual abuse Financial abuse Psychological abuse Stalking Threats Control Sometimes men...

For someone who is an immigrant, a noncitizen, or living in a household where immigration status is complicated, an abusive person may try to use that uncertainty as a weapon. Abuse is all about control. The abuser uses the status of the survivor as a way to keep control over this person. They many threaten to call INS, ICE, or the police to be deported if they don't do what they are told or p...

Animal abuse isn't always separate from domestic abuse. Sometimes your pet becomes another way to control you. It can be hard for a person looking in on your situation to understand why you stay for the dog, cat, bird, etc... Our pets can be a source of comfort, companionship, and family for us. Signs to look out for: Tail between the legs when the abuser is around. Loosing control of bladder...

According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway, child abuse and neglect includes physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect. What might physical signs look like in a child? Unexplained bruises, welts, multiple injuries in various stages of healing. Fractures or lacerations without logical explanation. Withdrawal, depression, anxiety, Nightmares Bedwetting Regression Self-harm I...

What is digital abuse? Digital abuse is when technology is used to harm, threaten, control, stalk, harass, monitor, impersonate, exploit, or intimidate another person. What can it look like? It can be demanding passwords. Checking someone's phone. Reading private messages. Tracking someone's location. Someone out there needs to know they are not alone and that they can survive. Perhaps you...

We are on day 5 of all things related to domestic abuse and I'm talking about Emotional Abuse. Now, here's something I wish more people understood that, you can be deeply hurt by someone without ever having a bruise. Emotional abuse can involve humiliation, intimidation, threats, manipulation, constant criticism, gaslighting, or deliberately making someone question their own memory and jud...

Trigger warning! Before we go any further, I want to say if this subject is difficult for you, you are allowed to step away. You don't have to listen to something that brings up memories you're not ready to sit with. This is a tough one! Sexual abuse can take many forms and it can happen between people who are dating, people that are married, within families. It can happen to women, men, children,...

Financial abuse can look like: Control Sabotage Creating dependency Financial abuse is when money, employment, financial resources, or credit information are used to control, exploit, or limit another person. This can happen in any relationship, intimate partners, families, work, or the elderly. As with all other types of abuse, it begins slowly and over time. It may sound like: "I'll tak...

The information found here are based on my own story, opinions and findings. Please seek a licensed attorney or therapist for advice. What does physical abuse look like? I'll take a short dive into examples of physical abuse. Abuse is about the control and power one has over a person or people. This can be from an intimate partner, family member, co-worker, friend, or even your landlord. Not a...

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I'll be sharing topics related to abuse for the next 30 days from, "How to leave an abuser", "The first 72 Hours after leaving", "Leaving a paper trail", "What is abuse" and more. If you need help please reach out to shelter near you. You can find locations through DomesticShelters.org or reach out to National Domestic Violence Hotline . If you’re in d...

These are often used interchangeably but what exactly is the difference? In today's episode I'll dive into the differences. If you feel controlled, isolated, demeaned, monitored in your relationship, you may be experiencing domestic abuse . If you’re physically hurt or threatened by a partner, this is domestic violence . Abuse doesn’t always leave a bruise, it can be emotional, financial,...

Teen Dating Violence is when teens, usually ages about 12-18, experience dating relationships in which one partner exerts power and control over the other through physical, sexual, emotional, or stalking behavior. If you’re a teen in a relationship where you feel afraid, controlled, watched, shamed, or hurt, you deserve better. Teen dating violence isn’t just hitting, it could be name-calling, iso...