Forget People Pleasing

Our self trust erodes like death by a thousand paper cuts as we chronically abandon ourselves to chase the approval and inclusion of others.  This episode offers a 4 part framework to help build self trust and integrity with God's help. https://www.rhondamorales.com

Why do I have to TELL them? Can’t they SEE the overflowing trash, the dishes in the sink, the dog-hair tumbleweeds? Here’s the problem: you’re expecting them to notice what YOU notice. And that expectation may be creating more resentment than the mess. Listen to learn how we get stuck in this dysfunctional pattern and what to do about it. https://www.rhondamorales.com

As PEOPLE PLEASERS we tend to chase people that don't express much interest in us.  This episode covers why we chase people, what we could be looking for and what to do instead. https://www.rhondamorales.com

We can tell ourselves some pretty scary stories BUT, are they based on FEAR or is it a PATTERN??  This episode talks about -- not confusing a scary story with a pattern and how to discern the difference.  Also discussed is the negative habit of catastrophizing which participates in creating the fear stories. https://www.rhondamorales.com   

We can FEEL each other's emotions, but we don't need to take them on. This Episode teaches a 4 step framework on what to do when you're around intense emotions and how NOT to absorb them. Remember, the more grounded you become in who you are and who you are becoming in Christ, the less likely you are to let somebody else's EMOTIONAL STORM decide how you show up. https://www.rho...

Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't say it mean.  That's how we practice being honest and how we develop meaningful relationships.  When we are authentically seen and known, then we won't feel lonely and we can leave our fake version of ourselves behind. https://www.rhondamorales.com

It's built in you to want to be known and understood.  But, you can crave to be included so much that you present your fake self.   The only way you feel seen, known, and understood is by connecting with others that learn who you really are.  Otherwise, the question lingers ... I wonder if they'd like me if they knew who I really am?  It's a people pleaser trap to play a role, lose...

New behaviors feel awkward and you may feel guilty, anxious, or fearful ... but could it be vulnerable instead?  Just because our honest choices conjure up uncomfortable feelings, doesn't mean we have made a wrong choice. Learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings is the new skill we are learning and practicing so we can become the women God has created us to be instead of people pleasers. h...

This episode talks about how comparison leads to jealousy and resentment.   It also talks about how to love who God created you to be and live in His plan for your life instead of envying someone else's life.  https://www.rhondamorales.com

Do you struggle with asking for help.  I'm getting better at it.  I was embarrassed and afraid of people seeing my messy middle.  I didn't want anyone to know I was struggling.  All messaging from my childhood. No surprise there.   Listen in for why we struggle and what to do to start over coming the fears of rejection and judgement of asking for help.   https://www.rhondamorales.com

Here's an emotional tool for your toolbox -- No Answer Is An Answer.  There's at least 2 different ways to apply this tool: to outgoing invites that seem to get crickets and to incoming communication when you've asked it to stop.   Listen in to how to use this tool so can stay regulated and unprovoked.  (Ecclesiates 7:9). https://www.rhondamorales.com

Do you tolerate negative behavior or cut them off?  Actually, there's another option that might be the better one.   We tend to avoid having hard conversations, but being honest creates the possibility of understanding, repairing, and resolving relationship problems.  It's what keeps our relationships healthy rather than building in resentment. As people pleasing we need to release the o...

We've all been hurt ... and some of us have an identified BULLY that caused us harm.  There's a pseudo power in holding a grudge against that bully. This episode is how our unhealed hurt can freeze an unfair picture of that person in our mind and heart -- in current day they may regret their behavior, be a kinder, gentler version of who they used to be.  But our ego and/or our hurt can k...

When we NEED people to like us, let's pause and ask some questions to help us reflect on where this need is coming from. When we weren't included as a child, then being liked as an adult may feel much bigger than it really is.  It might not feel like a simple preference, but rejection, failure, or that something is wrong with you. Being liked is a preference, not a value statement.   You...

When we don't talk through what bothers us, resentment tends to build.  Fear keeps us from having the hard conversations and the silence causes the relationship to decay.  Don't let fear make your choices for you.  Your relationships deserve the chance of repair and to then grow stronger.  Listen in on how you and God together can prepare for having those awkward conversations, stealing...

We've all been hurt by people ... and because we are human and make mistakes, we too hurt others.  Wounded people that haven't done the emotional and spiritual work of healing and growing are prone to hurting others without concern or knowledge of their effect on others.  We don't know what we don't know.   As followers of Jesus we are called to know better and do better.    Th...

Life gets interrupted sometimes, doesn't it?!  It doesn't always go as planned!   My life got derailed by several home expensive repairs and an unplanned need for a new car!  God held me together and gave me wisdom, direction, discernment, and provision as I leaned on His word especially James 1:5.   Listen in as I share how chaos turned into clarity and a fun road trip! https://www.rhon...

Mother's Day isn't always joyful for lots of reasons.  Today's epidsode talks about the mother you needed but didn't get.   We cover some ways to process those hard feelings of disappointment, grief, abandonment, and anger.  We resolve our hurts by leaning into God's word and His promises.  With His help, we can forgive and find freedom and peace as replacements for those...

It's human to want to belong.  It's in our DNA as we are created in the image of our triune God, designed for communion with Him and with one another.   People pleasing keeps us from being known not just to ourselves but unknown by others.  Our performing may keep us included, but when we realize we aren't known for being authentically ourselves, then it can feel lonely.   As follow...

Fear says, "you will be ruined if you say no or set a boundary."  But God tells us in Galatians 5:1, you have been set free to no longer be a slave. We think our consequence for not appeasing will be ruin, permanent, and pervasive.  But, will it really???  We catastrophize the discomfort and transition from being a people pleaser to living in truth.  You're not as fragile as the ene...

Left to my own flawed human thinking and emotions plus the people pleasing tendency to not want to disappoint anyone ... well, I got married for the wrong reasons.  Yes, I was "young and dumb" and "didn't know what I didn't know."          Had God been part of my decision making, had I wanted my life to be in alignment with His plan for me, I wouldn't have walked...

Isn't it crazy that at the young age of high school graduation you have a major question to answer, "what are you going to be when you grow up?"  How well do we really know ourselves at that age.  And without God navigating, we can make some unaligned choices ... like me becoming a CPA when I didn't like math  😳.  People pleasing can guide us into making the wrong choice for t...

We long to be seen, known, and loved which is met in God's unconditional love.  We seek the same knowing and love from our inner circle.  Yet, we sabotage that desire by keeping our true selves hidden which tends to create one-sided relationships.  This episode reveals 5 habits that make us invisible in our relationships and 3 ways to start breaking the cycle.   From a Biblical perspective, w...

If willpower was what we needed to stop people pleasing, then we'd all be cured.  However, our people pleasing problem is rooted in our biology, our nervous system, and our belief system about safety and approval.   Learning to PAUSE and LISTEN to our bodies is a vital part to replacing the automatic habit of YES, or apologizing, or over explaining, or fixing it with an honest answer.   Psalm...