Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Bedtime Stories for Kids

A Christmas tree should do one job. Stand there. Look festive. Accept baubles without complaint. Hold the angel upright. Provide a pleasant backdrop for presents. This one has other plans. Dad brings home a Norwegian spruce from Bob's Festive Forest, wrestles it through the front door with the kind of determination that only happens in December, and sets it up in the living room with a satisfi...

A goldfish is supposed to forget things. That is the whole reputation. Three second memory. Clean slate every moment. Blissfully unaware of grudges, complaints, or the concept of payback. But what if one tiny goldfish remembers one thing for just a bit too long, and decides it is time for revenge. In a classroom, there is a fish tank. Inside the fish tank, there is a castle. Inside the castle live...

The Ghost Who Wasn't Scary 👻🌙 A haunted house should have one very clear purpose. Be scary. Properly, bone chillingly, scream inducingly scary. This particular haunted house has a ghost called Lumpy, and Lumpy is trying his absolute best, but unfortunately he is a bit wobbly, a bit bumpy, and not frightening a single soul. There are creaky floorboards. There are shadows flickering in exactly...

The Leaf That Refused to Fall 🍂🍃 Cornelius is a leaf in Willowbrook Park with one firm belief. He is not falling. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever. While every other leaf in the entire park cheerfully flutters off to do autumn properly, Cornelius clings to his branch like it is the last sensible thing left in the world. It starts as a simple act of stubbornness. Cornelius watches the other leav...

The Grumpiest Slide in Grumpshaw: a hilarious kids storytelling episode about pride, chaos, and finding your perfect place In Grumpshaw Playground stood a slide who thought it was the most magnificent piece of engineering ever created. Polished, perfect, and extremely proud. The only problem? It could not stand messy, muddy, sticky bottoms. So the slide made a terrible decision. It became so slipp...

The Dummy Thieves: a wildly funny kids storytelling episode about magical mischief and letting go Teagan Mumbleton can cartwheel whilst reciting the alphabet backwards. She can build incredible creations from scraps and juggle sandwiches without making a mess. But there is one thing she absolutely refuses to do: give up her dummies. All twenty six of them. When a gang of sparkly Dummy Fairies and...

The Pencil Case Rebellion: a funny kids storytelling episode about misbehaving school supplies Meet Tommy Henderson's pencil case, Barry. Inside, the school supplies had had enough! Chewed pencils, uncapped pens, and a tiny eraser barely hanging on—they were ready to revolt. From Ruby the Ruler calling meetings to Peter Pencil flopping like a rubber sausage, the supplies refused to work until they...

Percy's Perfectly Wonky Line: a fun kids storytelling episode about mistakes that make magic Meet Percy the Pencil: bright yellow, perfectly pink eraser, and a shiny silver tip. But Percy had a big wobbling worry—his very first day at school! Could he write straight lines, spell the right words, and survive being... used? From a brand new pencil case with chatty rulers and bouncing scissors, to wo...

Looking for funny bedtime stories for kids that are clean, cosy, and calming? Welcome to Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits, a weekly kids storytelling podcast packed with short, silly children's stories told with warmth, wit, and a dash of theatrical flair. Every week Mr Morton opens a wriggly, wayward, wildly imaginative book from his very peculiar bookshop and out tumbles a bonkers tale of...