Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Bedtime Stories for Kids

The Hunting of Bonkers Bits: a special kids storytelling podcast episode about where stories actually come from People often ask Mr Morton where he gets his stories. Actually, that is not true. People mostly ask where the toilet is. But sometimes, after they have found the toilet, bought a book, and stopped their toddler eating the bookmarks, they ask about the stories. And the answer is not what...

Maya and the Emergency Spoon: a funny kids storytelling podcast about big feelings, emergency systems, and kitchen catastrophes Maya Peck has a system. When things get too big and too loud and too much, Mum opens the kitchen cupboard, takes out the peanut butter, and hands over one spoonful. Not on toast. Not in a sandwich. On a spoon. It does not fix things. It does not make maths less insulting...

Granny Wars: a hilarious kids storytelling podcast episode about family, rivalry, and the most dangerous question a baby can ask When a new baby is on the way, everybody has questions. Is it a boy or a girl? What will you call it? Will anyone sleep ever again? These are the ordinary ones. The ones everybody thinks about. But there is another question. A much more dangerous one. What will the grand...

Three Billy Goats Buff: a hilarious kids storytelling podcast episode about trolls, vanity, and catastrophic protein shakes Everyone knows the story of the Three Billy Goats Gruff. Three goats. One bridge. One troll. A lot of trip-trapping. The goats won. The troll lost. Everyone went home. But that was then. Because once you have defeated a troll under a bridge in a dramatic and very public way,...

The Pencil That Drew Tomorrow: a funny kids storytelling podcast about a magic pencil and catastrophically bad decisions Oliver Pike has forgotten his pencil again. This is not unusual. Oliver forgets quite a lot of things. PE socks. Reading books. His coat on a day when it is snowing sideways. But pencils are the main one. So when Mr Spindle hands him the last spare from his drawer, a battered, t...

The Boy Who Sneezed Through Time: a funny kids storytelling podcast about hayfever, headteachers, and accidental time travel Milo Crumb hates spring. While everyone else goes misty-eyed about fresh air and new beginnings, Milo goes misty-eyed for a completely different reason. Spring puts yellow dust on everything. Spring makes his nose feel as if someone has tickled it from the inside with a feat...

The Wafer Bones: a funny kids storytelling podcast about biscuit skeletons and snack crimes Bea Hart has a system. She eats the chocolate off KitKats and discards the wafer inside. Not in the bin. Not on a plate. She drops the naked wafer fingers wherever she happens to be. Behind the sofa. Under the coffee table. Once, disastrously, into a shoe. Her brother Max, who takes biscuits very seriously,...

Operation Sprout: a hilarious kids storytelling podcast episode about one epic kitchen showdown Eight-year-old Maisie Muddleby has never eaten a Brussels sprout—and she has absolutely no intention of starting. Not even if it tap-dances, sings, or wears a tiny crown. But one evening, a very green, slightly smug sprout appears on her plate. And Dad, armed with a notepad and mysterious “official” for...

The Accidental Axolotl – a kids storytelling podcast adventure Meet Axel, a well-meaning axolotl with a knack for chaos. When Tilly Mudge steps away, Axel decides to tidy his tank. What could possibly go wrong? Everything. Thermometers topple. Castles collapse. Gravel streams across the tank like a tiny underwater avalanche. Pip and Pop, the ever-suspicious shrimp, react with panic. Colin the snai...

The Koala Who Couldn't Cling – a kids storytelling podcast adventure Kevin Koala is a perfectly normal koala in every way—except for one thing. He simply cannot cling. Trees, fence posts, signs, even Ranger Bev's leg—everything slips from his grasp. No matter how hard he tries, Kevin just slides, and everyone around him can't help but watch with laughter and disbelief. But when a little sugar, pep...

Luna has started noticing the change jar getting lower. Not quickly. Not all at once. Just slowly, like a puddle shrinking in the sun. Coins come out for bus fare. School things. Plasters. Shampoo. And the jar keeps getting emptier. She tries not to count. But she notices. One evening, while Dad is making cheese on toast, Luna asks the question that makes the whole kitchen go quiet. What if you ke...

Mum's Marathon – a hilarious kids storytelling podcast adventure In this uproarious kids podcast episode, Mum has signed up for a marathon—but she simply can’t run past anything that needs fixing. Not wouldn’t. Couldn’t. Her legs refuse to keep going if someone, somewhere, might need help. From rescuing cats stuck in trees to herding rebellious chickens, fixing fences, delivering packages, and eve...

Alfie finds a magic lamp behind the skate ramp at the rec. It is dented, dull, and smells faintly of old socks and disappointment. Out pops a blue genie who speaks only in rhyme and offers three wishes. This should be brilliant. This should be the best day ever. Then Ben starts asking questions. What currency? Which bank? Old pounds or new pounds? Cash or transfer? What about fraud detection? What...

The Boy Who Couldn't Stop Hiccupping – a kids storytelling podcast adventure Oliver Pemberton's hiccups aren’t just hiccups, they are full-on, ceiling-scraping, gravity-defying launches that turn his life into a bouncing, chaotic spectacle. From flying toast to collapsing bookshelves, even the cat cannot escape the mayhem. Nothing and no one can stop him. That is, until Maestro Magnifico realises...

The Sleeping Beauty Who Wouldn't Wake Up – a kids storytelling podcast adventure Princess Petunia has been perfectly fake-snoring for three whole months, and life in the castle is… delightfully inconvenient. From princes with cymbals, bagpipes, and chickens, to interpretive dances and questionable tickling attempts, every effort to wake her has spectacularly failed. Enter Prince Humphrey, who does...

Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: The Second Hand Shop Next Door Next door to Mr Morton's bookshop was a shop that confused everyone. It did not sell lamps or chairs or pre loved trousers. It sold seconds. Tickable, gleaming, magical seconds that could stretch a moment, save a lost opportunity, or let Lily, a girl who was always late, say the words she meant properly. Lily discovers the powe...

Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: The Thing That Became Nothing Tommy’s dad wanted them to have a thing. A proper father and son thing. The only problem was that every hobby Tommy tried, football, skateboarding, guitar, chess, birdwatching, origami, was quickly taken over by Dad’s enthusiasm, expertise and far too much equipment. Soon nothing Tommy liked was left untouched. Then came an idea...

Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: The Bicycles That Wouldn't Work When Joe and Sam save up for the perfect bicycle, nothing goes to plan. Rain, broken tyres, and a tea shop with impossible biscuits turn an ordinary day into a delightfully absurd adventure. With quick thinking, a bit of luck, and a biscuit acting as a wheel, the boys discover that ingenuity and friendship can turn disaster in...

Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: The Wolf Who Couldn't Help Himself Winston Wolf is Wibbleton Way’s fiercest food critic. One sniff or bite from him and a restaurant is doomed. When three new pig-run eateries open simultaneously, chaos erupts, kitchens catch fire, and recipes go spectacularly wrong. But Winston cannot resist helping, sneaking in at night to save the food while the pigs rema...

Penelope Puddleworth's Perfect Problem: a hilariously bonkers kids storytelling episode Penelope Puddleworth wakes up eight feet tall and absolutely perfect—and quickly discovers that being giant is not all it’s cracked up to be. The bigger she is, the harder it is to get through doorways, play games, or keep her head out of the ceiling. And when she starts telling the truth about everyone’s mista...

Wendy Wobblewand and the Bonkers Brew: a delightfully chaotic kids storytelling episode In a wonky kitchen at the end of Wobble Street, Wendy Wobblewand brews potions her own way: messy, magical, and utterly bonkers. When a curious neighbour sneaks in to help, they accidentally create a Bonkerfluff—a sparkly, seventeen-legged creature that brings chaos, joy, and a lot of very confused dancing teap...

Mrs Puddifoot does not care for New Year's Eve. It is cold, loud, and full of people shouting at the sky as if the sky has done something personal. Mrs Puddifoot would much rather stay indoors with a kettle, a biscuit, and a firm commitment to letting the year change without her involvement. Unfortunately, the next year has other plans. Because a polite stranger appears on her doorstep and cla...

The Bauble Who Saved My Christmas ✨🎁 Once upon a Christmas Eve, a grumpy bookshop keeper meets a box of tangled fairy lights, and a very mischievous magical bauble decides it has had enough of being treated like a decoration. It wants to be important. It wants to be in charge. It wants to cause a tiny bit of festive trouble, in the most cheerful way possible. The bookshop keeper is not intereste...

You already know the opening line. You already know the hush it creates when it is spoken softly, in a darkened room, with the day finally done. This is the classic Christmas poem told the way it is meant to be told. Warmly. Clearly. With space to breathe and settle. On a quiet Christmas Eve, the house finally stills. The last rustle of wrapping paper fades into silence. The final sip of water is...

Christmas Eve is meant to be a smooth little sleigh ride into bedtime. Calm, organised, magical. But what if the elves decide they have had enough and go on strike right when everyone is counting on them. Up at the North Pole, the workshop is in absolute uproar. The elves are holding emergency meetings with agendas and suspiciously official paperwork. Someone is waving a banner that reads "Fa...