Zero to Zero

Before we can even think about thinking about Man of Steel, we've got a lot to unpack about Batman v Superman and the DCEU at large. In this freewheelin' (read: disorganized and generally disgraceful but also good) episode, we attempt to pick up the pieces of our shattered brains before getting to all of the questions that have built up since we realized our episodes are already way too long witho...

Another movie down! This week we watched the last 45 minutes or so of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. Now that the boys are friends, Batman heads to the warehouse to kill a bunch of guys, Superman heads to Metropolis to fight a CGI monster man, and Lois hucks a spear around a bunch. Also, Lex goes to prison! Well deserved! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

At long last, we've made it! We've arrived at minutes 73 through 133 of Batman v Superman, the part where Batman v's Superman! It's not all about the fight though: Lex Luthor also gets down to some mass-murderous shenanigans and some unbearable monologues! Also, Martian Manhunter is here, maybe? It's impossible to know for sure. Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

"Ahoy," haha! This week we're watching 40 Minute Chunk #2 of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice: Ultimate Edition, and it's boat time! Yarr! The world's greatest detective, The Bat Vigilante in Gotham, has finally gotten to the bottom of his most mysterious mystery yet: what does "White Portuguese" mean? Well, it turns out it doesn't matter to the plot of the movie, but it does...

Oh no, we decided to do more! We're back in zacktion (haha) with Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice: Ultimate Edition! Unlike Justice League, this movie doesn't have convenient chapters to break this into, but it's also 3 hours long, so this week we're just watching the first 43 minutes for our own safety. It starts as any Batman movie should: with Bruce Wayne's parents getting murdered! Thank go...

We did it, actually! This week we watched the Snyder Cut epilogue, "A Father Twice Over". A quick montage and Lex Luthor and Knightmare and Marthan Manhunter later, the movie is over at last. Did we like it? No, but that's fine. It's been seven weeks. Who cares anymore? The movie is over and we can finally move on with our lives. Just kidding! See you soon for Batman v Superman: Dawn of...

We did it, almost! We finished the Snyder Cut, almost! This week we watched part 6, "Something Darker", the end of the movie, almost! We've only got like half an hour left! Hooray! Superman is alive again and looking at corn just like in the good old days. Will he stop enjoying corn in time to rescue the Justice League who still aren't called the Justice League? I guess it depends on how...

Can it be? A part of the Snyder Cut that we actually like? No, not really, but it turns out Part 5, "All the King's Horses", is the least worst part so far! What a nice treat for us, relatively speaking. The superheroes who are still not called the Justice League have dug up Superman's corpse and are going to bring him back to life! Is that a good idea? I don't know, because everyone kin...

We've made it to part 4 of the Snyder Cut, "Change Machine", and Zack said we were processing the story too easily so he decided to make it a little harder. Turns out Steppenwolf didn't realize the planet where he's finding the Mother Boxes was the planet where the Mother Boxes are? What? And Cyborg and Aquaman had their character arcs offscreen. Good for them! Don't you hate understandi...

Ah! Okay, here we go! The true Snyder Cut begins now, with part 3, "Beloved Mother, Beloved Son". We've finally met all of our heroes, and that's great. Cyborg is God, and the Flash is quippy, and Batman is rich, and that's all great! The movie is good! There's slow-motion flying hot dogs, and underwater British accents, and what if your dad gave you all the nukes? All I can say to that...

I hope you like LORE!!! This week, we're watching part 2 of the Snyder Cut, "The Age of Heroes", and we've got tons of the stuff! Steppenwolf's backstory? Check! 5000 year old drawings of Darkseid? Check! Extraneous CGI battle over narration? Check, check, check! Explanation for why Steppenwolf lives in a cooling tower in an abandoned Russian nuclear power plant with a big alien slab in...

We're alive! Whip-Snap gave us the killing high-five but we've got more work to do. The Snyder Cut is out! Who could have seen this one coming? This week, we're watching part 1, "Don't Count on It, Batman". Is it good? Did it fix the problems? No, but it was nice of them to chop it into pieces of watchable lengths at least. We will now show Zack Snyder our appreciation for this in the tr...

We've read the comics and watched (a couple minutes of) the movies - nothing left to do now but wrap this thing up! In our probably final episode unless we ever somehow manage to get our hands on the UK season, we discuss the friends we made along the way and make a superhero tier list, kind of. The show was bad so we also spend some time discussing how we would've fixed it, using our knowledge an...

It's done, again! We read the Defuser's well-deserved ha ha comic book ha ha, check out the comics we didn't get to read, and skim through his scenes from Lightning Strikes which were way more than Feedback got and we're not mad about it. This comic? It's also bad! Thank god! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

We may have finished the show, but our dark work is not over! This week we sit down and do our best to read Feedback's comic book in a way that hopefully translates okay to an audio format. It's not very good! The comic book, I mean. Why is Feedback so sexist in this? Does he kill a bunch of people? Why does he bring an Atari joystick with him wherever he goes? Find out the answers to none of thes...

Well, that's it! In the final episode of Who Wants to Be a Superhero?, we say hello to Balls, go to stunt school, say goodbye to Balls, and spend the remaining 35 minutes of the episode on the elimination. What an ending! But don't cry because it's over... cry because it's not over! Next week, we've got some comic books to read! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

The second episode of the first season was the dogs episode, so it's only fitting if the second to last episode of the final season is, uh, also the dogs episode. That's right! Two of them! Why? Well, there are only so many ideas! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

Ah! Just when we think we've seen the worst this show has to offer, it gets worse! This week we meet our new precious Stan Lee. They call him "Evil Stan" but, you know, what else is new? This episode is truly rancid. Sorry! I'm sure next week will be better. Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

We've been hearing a lot of people say that this season is missing one thing: a Tunnel of Fear. Good news! This episode has one! It also has more of the season 1 "we asked your friends to tell us your secrets" shenanigans, but even less effective than last time. Great! It also has nothing else. Have fun! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

This is an episode about Erin Esurance. Erin Esurance is in this one. Erin Esurance appears multiple times throughout the episode. Erin Esurance takes her clothes off in this episode. We see it happen. Stan is no longer the host of the show. Long live Erin Esurance. Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

Oops! Uh oh! We thought season 3 was good but it turns out if you take a rotten brown apple and apply a lovely coat of beautiful expensive red paint, you still get sick when you take a bite. In fact, the paint would probably make it worse! This is a metaphor for how it feels to watch season 2 episode 3 of WWTBAS: it looks so much like a real show that it hurts all that much more when you see what...

Okay, first of all, I want to apologize in advance for all the bee puns. I tried to stop it, but it just kept happening. I didn't try very hard, but I did try, so now you can't bee mad about it! Anyway, it's season 2 episode 2. It's the makeover episode! But wait, you say, wouldn't it be a waste to get rid of all these cool costumes? Yes! It would! Don't worry, Stan has a special trick up his slee...

Welcome to season 2! We've got eight beautiful episodes produced with a budget of eight beautiful dollars, which in both cases is two more than last season. How will a 25% increase in resources help the show? Quite a bit, it turns out! It's actually pretty alright, despite three of our ten contestants being uhhhhhh. You'll see! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter

Hey kids, stop watching Dog Vision Live, it's time for the season 1 finale of Who Wants to Be a Superhero! Don't worry about changing the channel, Stan will take care of that for you! In this surprisingly low-action, low-drama, low-stakes finale, we mostly just hang out at Stunts Camp and then go to a party at CityWalk. At least there's some very good 2006 CGI along the way! Sam | Val | Gigalithic...

The superheroes are going back to school! We're joined by Alec, the Human Porch himself, to discuss episode 5 which is allegedly titled "The Rise and Fall of the Superhero Empire". How will the superheroes fare against a bunch of children? Probably very well! Also, the show finally figures out its stupid theme on episode 5 of 6! Well, better late than never! Sam | Val | Gigalithic | Alec Twitter